If they can help it, a narcissist won’t lose anything. They don’t want to let go of what serves them, as the only things they tend to hold onto are what they think may be of use to them.
This is the fun part, because they do end up losing, and the one thing they can’t handle losing makes them also lose their minds.
Want to know what it is? Well, you have certainly come to the right place!
#1 Narcissists play the perfect game…for them
You think you’re building a relationship that’s amazing, but I want to let you know that it couldn’t be more different.
The narcissist has other plans, and usually that means you are involved in their game that they’re playing.
You got dragged in. You didn’t know it was happening, but there you are, in it.
Not just in it, but unaware that you’re even partaking in a game at all. You think it’s authentic.
The perfect game for the narcissist is one where you go along for the ride, not knowing what is pretend and what is real. In fact, the more confused you are, the better they feel about themselves.
#2 When the victim doesn’t consent to playing
No victim does. No victim stands up and says, “You know what? I can’t think of anything more satisfying and joyous than being a part of your game where I get to suffer, and you get to feel happy and in control!”
The consent just isn’t there, but the problem is that it doesn’t feel like a game all the while the narcissist is pretending to be the love of your life and the answer to all your wishes.
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There is nothing to see, and as the days roll into the next, they know they’re winning.
They know they’re getting everything they can from you, right as you are wondering why you feel so depleted.
Why do you feel as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Why doesn’t it make any sense?
Because you’re being shielded from the truth:
You’re being controlled and manipulated by an abusive person.
#3 They have everything to lose…
Believe it or not, the narcissist may act smug, but they have everything to lose.
They enter relationships wanting to do nothing but gain and gain, without giving anything in return.
As they take, they hoard. The more they hoard, the more they have to lose when the time comes.
They take your joy, your spark, your light, your confidence, your loyalty, your sanity.
Once they’ve left you with nothing, they feel happy. Then they tell you that you’re not who you used to be.
Is it any wonder?
Of all the things they have that they can lose, can you guess which one in particular they can’t handle losing?
I’ll bet it hasn’t crossed your mind…
…Until now.
#4 …But this is the one thing they can’t handle losing!
Are you ready for it?
A narcissist is unable to handle losing control.
Control of you, of the relationship, of the narrative, of their reputation, of their finances, of the dynamics; all of it.
The second the control is taken from them, they lose their minds, and that’s largely down to the fact that their image is based on having control.
When that is lost, everything that they’ve used control to protect starts to crumble, eventually falling apart before their very eyes.
I would bet some of you have seen this happen in real time.
#5 When control goes out the window
Talk about destabilizing! The narcissist’s world gets rocked when control leaves the narrative.
Their sense of self is tightly tied to being able to command control of people and situations, and if they aren’t influencing people, gaining admiration or dominating circles, they are falling apart.
Initially, any loss of control will trigger old wounds of shame.
These are usually well hidden from everybody else, but if there happens to be a threat to their self-image, they will panic and wonder how on earth they’re going to find ways to feel good about themselves again.
They need their ego inflated. Control does that. Lack of control feeds the reality that they’re weak.
You’ll often see a narcissist angry, too. Control? That’s what they live for! That’s how they get what they want all of the time. When that’s not present, all hell can break loose.
They will yell at you. Punish you for being the reason there’s no control. Make you feel guilty for trying to assert yourself.
How dare you!
And so on.
This all boils down to one fact:
The narcissist hates being at a loss of control.
They don’t know who they are unless they’re establishing dominance.
#6 Game, set, match to you
And so, we go back to you.
When you decide enough is enough, you decide to take control of the relationship that has chewed you up and spat you out. It’s a game changer, but for the better in the long run.
Initially, no narcissist on the planet will like to have control taken from them.
They will see it as theft, but what you’re actually doing is taking back what’s rightfully yours.
All this time they’ve been able to dictate the mood of the house, and control the narrative. They’ve taken from you your joy, your confidence, and everything about you that was positive.
What was taken, was replaced by quiet; a person who just doesn’t want to make a fuss, make any goals, and who wants to just blend into the background.
The more time went on, the less you thought of yourself, and the narcissist got more and more power from that. It fed them, while you went hungry yet again. Hungry for a fulfilled relationship, and never getting to experience it.
And now, it’s time that all stopped. It’s time you saw what applying some boundaries and taking control back does.
You start up those hobbies again, you see your friends, you pick up the phone to family, you sign up for that class, and you decide to need them less and less.
What control could they possibly get from you while you’re busy building the perfect life you always wanted?
None.
#7 Taking back control
It’s addictive, let me tell you. When a victim wakes up and realizes that control can be back in the palm of their hand again, they go for it. One small piece, followed by another, then another.
Suddenly, you have it all back. You don’t pay attention to the narcissist who is still trying hard to sabotage everything you’re gaining.
You are happy to report that you have everything you want, and you’ve done it without being rude. Without being confrontational, and without being abusive.
The narcissist will never be able to control the dynamics when you get to his point.
You’ve taught yourself to fight for what you want, regardless of who is trying to stop you.
Learning to do this will teach you that the sky is the limit, and after all this time of being told the ceiling is your limit, it will feel so good to aim higher.
