I know you’re all dying to know what it is, but let me set the scene.
You’ve met somebody perfect. To you, they don’t have any faults. The charm is there, and so is the effortless way they seem to just understand you.
Nothing to worry about, right?
Here’s where I break it to you…
…All may not be as it seems.
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, you’re going to find that out if you ask them this one single question.
The Mask
The narcissist’s mask is present as soon as you meet them. You see, they wear it all the time that they’re wanting to impress, disguise or fool. If you are out in public.
What I have to sometimes remind people is that you may know them after some time without the mask.
Usually this will be an incident that occurs behind closed doors, or without anybody else in view or earshot.
It slips, and you see the person behind it. No longer do you see this nice person, you just see a nice act.
The mask is vital to the narcissist. Without it, they’re just walking around living their toxic life showing everybody how horrible they are.
Without their masks, narcissists are a walking caution sign.
And with it on?
Well … they can have absolutely anybody fooled.
Behind That Mask…
Where do I even begin?
This is considered high level personality contrasting here, and it starts with temper.
Moving on from that temper, you’re likely to find a person who is impatient, who expects only perfection from you, and who will only love you under their condition.
They will give you the silent treatment for absolutely no reason at all. In addition to that, they will enjoy watching you suffer as they meet you with absolutely nothing to offer you.
It’s hard to even read, right? It feels impossible that the same person can be so different depending on whom they’re with, and where they are.
Why Hide?
If you met a narcissist in raw form, there’s absolutely no way any of us would be attracted to them.
Could you imagine saying hello, and hearing them tell you that you’re a useless piece of shit that nobody else could ever love?
You’d be out of there faster than you could whistle!
But they’re not like that, and that’s the problem. They want your attention and affection before they reveal who they are.
They want you to fall head over heels, and they need you to prove to them that you’re not going anywhere.
So…What’s The Question?
I know it seems crazy to ask somebody this, but trust me when I say that it works every time.
Do you think you’re a narcissist?
In my line of work, I have known people to ask this to the narcissist they know, and it’s never gone down well, not once.
It’s usually been the catalyst for issues that eventually lead to a break up, and I think it’s pretty obvious why.
Imagine asking a question like this, one that proves you see right through the narcissist.
It’s basically saying, “You know I’ve thought about this for quite a while, and I’m pretty sure you aren’t the person you make yourself out to be. Care to explain?”
Would the narcissist care to explain? What do you think?
I think any kind of honest explanation would be an admission of a toxic personality. Somehow, and I’m going to put it out there, I just don’t ever see that happening.
Hey, if you can prove me wrong, then let me know!
Have you ever had a real admission from a narcissist?
Hey. You know what? I think I just might be a narcissist. You’re right. All this time I’ve been trying to make you feel terrible when really, it’s me who feels that way, and hates themselves. I am so sorry for everything that I’ve put you through.
Yeah – pigs might fly!
What Happens When I Ask?
One of two things are going to happen if you ask this pressing question.
The first is always, did they laugh and say actually, yes. In which case, you’ve got yourself somebody with zero care for anybody or anything… Run!
The second is the defense. What you’re initially going to see is a slight look of both horror and terror. You’re touching on a subject way too close to home for a narcissist, and you’ve been so direct about it, too.
Then comes the aftermath.
The moments, hours, or days that follow will be the real telltale. I’d like to see a narcissist who was asked this question to continue with the same relationship with that particular person as they did before. Or has something changed?
I guarantee that it has. They’ve distanced themselves, or they’re avoiding seeing them.
Maybe they’re just plain old giving them the silent treatment a a form of punishment for daring to be so bold.
What about if they suddenly have a brand new best friend – or should I say – source of supply? Suddenly, you take a back seat as they introduce a new ally to the fold.
As far as the narcissist is concerned after all, you’ve put the question out there, therefore you must have your suspicions that they are in fact a narcissist.
The Reveal: What Every Narcissist Dreads
A client once told me something that I will never forget. They said:
Alexander, I had my suspicions about my husband for about two years. I watched him, and it was almost like the pieces of the puzzle came together before my eyes.
As soon as I was sure, I asked him outright. Do you think you’re a narcissist?
It all changed. He got so mad at me that he threw me up against the wall, and then told me I was trying to find a problem with the relationship because I hated him.
I protested that wasn’t the case, and how I just wanted a conversation. I thought I could help him overcome his toxic traits. All I wanted was to be there for him.
It was that act of physical aggression that confirmed it for me – and that was the day my life changed forever.
I got out of the house that evening when he went to the gym, and I stayed with my sister for around 7 months until the divorce went through and I could find my little apartment.
It’s nothing big, and I am literally starting again. But I don’t care.
I would rather start again on my own than live with him for the rest of my life.
Do you feel that? Does it resonate with you?
If you’re asking somebody if they’re a narcissist, it’s for a reason. The right person would be rightly wanting to talk with you about it.
