The constant magnetic pull that the narcissist uses to lure you in is tiring you.
You don’t want to be drawn into conflict. You don’t want to feel that stress, or prepare for battle.
You need a weapon, but it needs to be non-toxic. You need a voice where you may not have had one.
You need a phrase.
The ultimate phrase that will disempower any narcissist.
So, without further ado, shall we…?
Is That All It Takes? One Phrase?!
Believe it or not – yes.
There are things you can throw at narcissists over the months or years you know them.
Anger-induced phrases like:
Why are you so insistent on making me feel so bad?
Why are you always so negative?
What have I done that’s so wrong in your eyes?
Or phrases you speak when you’re sad, like:
I just want to be lovable in your eyes.
I try my best to make you see me.
I just want us to get along.
I love you and I don’t want to lose you.
You can say all of these things, and actually what ends up happening is the narcissists loving knowing that you’re caught up in their games. You’re emotionally invested in trying to make everything right.
But when it comes to this phrase… It’s ‘game over’ for the narcissist.
What is The Phrase?
All bets are off when you mutter the words:
I see you for who you really are now.
Ouch!
The narcissist’s power is taken firmly away from them, and there is no way for them to get it back.
Moreso, you get to tell them directly that you have figured them out. You have been presented with enough evidence over time in order to conclude that the narcissist is in fact, a narcissist.
No amount of gaslighting or rage, or denial or revenge is going to have you change your mind. In fact, all that would really do now is confirm your thoughts to be true!
Waking up and seeing the narcissist for who they are isn’t necessarily an overnight thing, but when it happens, there’s no going back for either you or them.
Why Does This Work So Well?
Think of it like this.
You’ve been playing a game of chess for a long time, and your whole life depends on winning. Crowds have gathered, and your opponent has convinced them that you’re out of your depth.
When you look away, your opponent makes sly moves that leave you feeling trapped, or that you’re never going to win.
Piece by piece, they take away your half of the board until it feels like there’s nothing left.
Then the impossible becomes possible…
You see where you can move, and you know that when you do, it’s game over.
You make your move.
Checkmate.
Your opponent is powerless now, and nothing they do will change the end result.
This statement is your checkmate.
What Powerlessness Looks Like To The Narcissist
Let’s all take a little step back, because it isn’t going to be pretty.
Narcissists need power like they need air in their lungs. Without it, they really are the nobodies they secretly feel inside.
Without power, they’re nothing.
Remember Oz in The Wizard of Oz? The great, almighty voice of eternity and power?
He turned out to be a fearful man, pretending all along!
Narcissists are the same. When you haven’t figured them out, they’re happy. The moment you realize the truth, all that power disappears forever…
…And nothing is the same.
Powerless looks like:
- Watching you become more independent and needing them less
- Seeing you defy their criticisms and live the life you want regardless of how much they try to hold you back
- Not knowing what you do from day to day when they’ve been so used to keeping close tabs on you
What You Can Do With Your New Found Power
Let me start by saying that a whole new world opens up for you. I’m not kidding. Life changes completely.
This is the power you’ve missed out on; the power you wish you had back then to start standing up to the narcissist, or better, to start believing in yourself again.
You have choices now.
Eyes that are open to narcissism are eyes that can find a brand new way to live. Can that be initially scary? Of course.
Anything new is.
But you can’t let that stop you from finding your feet and beginning to grow as a person without their influence and without them telling you that you can’t.
Usually when people uncover the true narcissist behind the charm, they:
- Decide they want to go no-contact. This is a really direct way to say, “I don’t want you in my life anymore,” and it works for a lot of victims.
- Slowly, they begin to pull away from the narcissist and distance themselves. As you evolve, it’s going in another direction from where you once were rooted.
- You start to find more reasons to leave. Through evidence you find, memories you have, or research you undertake into narcissism – you build up your own case.
- Become very gifted at building their boundaries back up. Surprisingly this is easy once you know the truth, because you know it was never you to begin with.
Nothing Ever Stays The Same
How could it? How can something so complicated stay the same when you have realized the person you loved, cared about, trusted – is a liar.
Everything was a lie.
There was never any love.
There was never any trust.
And that doubt or sadness you always felt niggling away at you was because of something.
Prepare For Anything!
What usually follows discovering the truth about any narcissist is the potential for real interpersonal explosions!
- Think about who you’re closest to, and if the narcissist has any kind of sway on how they think or feel. It might be that they attempt to triangulate you.
- They will try and cut you with their words like never before. Never put it past any narcissist to be as cruel as possible. Remember – they want to see you miserable and they’ll do whatever it takes.
- When a narcissist feels powerless, they’re going to find it hard to hide their disdain for you. What can hurt the most here is that you may be experiencing this with a parent or sibling. On paper, people this close to you should never hurt you, but sadly many experience it, and it can make you feel like it’s your fault. That’s precisely what they want you to think. Don’t buy it.
You’ve got this. It’s far better to see a narcissist for who they truly are, rather than keep pretending they’re a kind person who really cares about you.
