The constant magnetic pull that the narcissist uses to lure you in is tiring you.

You don’t want to be drawn into conflict. You don’t want to feel that stress, or prepare for battle.

You need a weapon, but it needs to be non-toxic. You need a voice where you may not have had one.

You need a phrase.

The ultimate phrase that will disempower any narcissist.

So, without further ado, shall we…?

Is That All It Takes? One Phrase?!

Believe it or not – yes.

There are things you can throw at narcissists over the months or years you know them. 

Anger-induced phrases like:

Why are you so insistent on making me feel so bad?

Why are you always so negative?

What have I done that’s so wrong in your eyes?

Or phrases you speak when you’re sad, like:

I just want to be lovable in your eyes.

I try my best to make you see me.

I just want us to get along.

I love you and I don’t want to lose you.

You can say all of these things, and actually what ends up happening is the narcissists loving knowing that you’re caught up in their games.

You’re emotionally invested in trying to make everything right. 

But when it comes to this phrase… It’s ‘game over’ for the narcissist. 

What is The Phrase?

All bets are off when you mutter the words:

I see you for who you really are now.

Ouch!

The narcissist’s power is taken firmly away from them, and there is no way for them to get it back.

Moreso, you get to tell them directly that you have figured them out. You have been presented with enough evidence over time in order to conclude that the narcissist is in fact, a narcissist. 

No amount of gaslighting or rage, or denial or revenge is going to have you change your mind. In fact, all that would really do now is confirm your thoughts to be true!

Waking up and seeing the narcissist for who they are isn’t necessarily an overnight thing, but when it happens, there’s no going back for either you or them. 

Why Does This Work So Well?

Think of it like this. 

You’ve been playing a game of chess for a long time, and your whole life depends on winning. Crowds have gathered, and your opponent has convinced them you’re out of your depth. 

When you look away, your opponent makes sly moves that leave you feeling trapped, or that you’ll never win.

Piece by piece, they take away your half of the board until it feels like there’s nothing left. 

Then the impossible becomes possible…

You see where you can move, and you know that when you do, it’s game over.

You make your move.

Checkmate.

Your opponent is powerless now, and nothing they do will change the end result.

This statement is your checkmate. 

What Powerlessness Looks Like To The Narcissist

Let’s all take a little step back, because it isn’t going to be pretty. 

Narcissists need power like they need air in their lungs. Without it, they really are the nobodies they secretly feel inside.

Without power, they’re nothing.

Remember Oz in The Wizard of Oz? The great, almighty voice of eternity and power?

He turned out to be a fearful man, pretending all along!

Narcissists are the same. When you haven’t figured them out, they’re happy. The moment you realize the truth, all that power disappears forever…

…And nothing is the same. 

Powerless looks like:

• Watching you become more independent and needing them less
• Seeing you defy their criticisms and live the life you want regardless of how much they try to hold you back
• Not knowing what you do from day to day when they’ve been so used to keeping close tabs on you

What You Can Do With Your New Found Power

Let me start by saying that a whole new world opens up for you. I’m not kidding. Life changes completely. 

This is the power you’ve missed out on; the power you wish you had back then to start standing up to the narcissist, or better, to start believing in yourself again. 

You have choices now.

Eyes that are open to narcissism are eyes that can find a brand new way to live. Can that be initially scary? Of course. 

Anything new is.

But you can’t let that stop you from finding your feet and beginning to grow as a person without their influence and without them telling you that you can’t. 

Usually when people uncover the true narcissist behind the charm, they:

• Decide they want to go no-contact. This is a really direct way to say, “I don’t want you in my life anymore,” and it works for a lot of victims. 

• Slowly, they begin to pull away from the narcissist and distance themselves. As you evolve, it’s going in another direction from where you once were rooted. 

• You start to find more reasons to leave. Through evidence you find, memories you have, or research you undertake into narcissism – you build up your own case. 

• Become very gifted at building their boundaries back up. Surprisingly this is easy once you know the truth, because you know it was never you to begin with. 

Nothing Ever Stays The Same

How could it? How can something so complicated stay the same when you have realized the person you loved, cared about, trusted – is a liar.

Everything was a lie.

There was never any love. 

There was never any trust.

And that doubt or sadness you always felt niggling away at you was because of something.

Prepare For Anything!

What usually follows discovering the truth about any narcissist is the potential for real interpersonal explosions!

• Think about who you’re closest to, and if the narcissist has any kind of sway on how they think or feel. It might be that they attempt to triangulate you. 

• They will try and cut you with their words like never before. Never put it past any narcissist to be as cruel as possible. Remember – they want to see you miserable and they’ll do whatever it takes.

• When a narcissist feels powerless, they’re going to find it hard to hide their disdain for you. What can hurt the most here is that you may be experiencing this with a parent or sibling. On paper, people this close to you should never hurt you, but sadly many experience it, and it can make you feel like it’s your fault. That’s precisely what they want you to think. Don’t buy it. 

You’ve got this. It’s far better to see a narcissist for who they truly are, rather than keep pretending they’re a kind person who really cares about you.

You’re Shocked to See Where Narcissists Really End Up!

Narcissists just seem to annoyingly have it all, don’t they? 

You might think to yourself, “How do they get away with so much?”

Well, honestly, it’s because they’re experts at playing the game they wrote.

It can all change though, dear reader. And indeed – it does.

Where the narcissist ends up is going to shock you, and make you realize just how one moment can alter everything.

Narcissists: The Perfect Life

It’s the perfect painted picture, isn’t it? Narcissists want to be perfect, and they try very hard to ensure that image is kept up, no matter what.

They will make out like nothing is their fault. They want to be hard workers, so people know just how seriously they take their responsibilities.

They love to honor themselves by providing the best material goods you can think of. They want that nice car, big house, fancy clothes, and the latest phone.

On paper, they have it all. They project the perfect life to the world, so that world sees them as perfect. 

What Do You Think?

Of course, we know they aren’t perfect – far from it, in fact!

There’s a part of some people who are really familiar with narcissists who know the trajectory ahead.

Before I get to that point though, I want you to think of one narcissist that you know. They might be a family member, a friend, somebody you work with, or even your spouse. 

Once you have them locked firmly in your mind, I want you to think about how they are right now.

Are they more impossible than usual? Maybe they have a past of always getting what they want, and just being extremely lucky. 

They have good health. They have great contacts. They live in a nice house that you wish you owned. They don’t seem to rattle many cages, and they’re well respected both personally and professionally. 

It’s all unfair, isn’t it? Especially when you know who they really are.

Without You..

This is the worst part – the part you know and are familiar with…

…Narcissists are nothing without you. They build their entire egotistical empire on making you feel the worst you’ve ever felt, and that’s what causes them to exceed even their own expectations.

But as soon as you throw a spanner in the works – as soon as the dynamics shift in any way, the narcissist’s mask and character begin to crumble.

They realize they cannot function without knowing they can openly abuse you at any moment.

They want it to continue for as long as possible, but they know it can’t because you’ve gone, left, or figured out who they are.

You’ve discovered the truth. 

And That Is Why They Need You

They can’t play their game unless you sign up for it, and when you walk away, the game is officially over. 

You have to remember this, friends, because it’s what is going to get you through your worst days with the narcissist:

They truly need you more than you need them.

You’ve been programmed to believe you need them and cannot survive without them, but that simply isn’t the case. 

The reality is that they can only do what they do because they have an open door to it.

When you shut that door, everything changes.

The Downfall

The downfall is almost immediate but not necessarily obvious to all. 

You’ll notice a withdrawal. The narcissist is temporarily at a loss. Yes, they can move onto their next victim, but what if they have run out of people to manipulate? 

What if there is no charm left in their charm bucket?

It’s easy to notice narcissists look lost when they don’t know how to operate the people around them to their advantage. 

They’ve used up all their options, and now it’s time to watch the demise. 

…Even The Deterioration!

I have had conversations in the past with people I’ve met or know about their narcissistic parent. 

When they were younger, the parent thrived knowing they could power play their children and spouse.

Work was busy and they were always trying to produce ways to make everybody around them feel small.

As they aged, so did their character.

It became harder to manipulate children who were suddenly adults, with more power to hold a thought, opinion, or goal they wanted to achieve. 

They feel lost, and try to claw control wherever they can. Often that can look like lashing out, or trying to triangulate wherever possible.

They play on their age, with phrases like:

I used to be so much fitter than I am now.

I’m getting older. Nobody understands or sees me.

I’m poorly. Nobody helps me.

I wish I could turn the clock back.

It’s really as if they’re playing their own sad violin song, isn’t it? You almost want to roll your eyes because you know they’re playing on their age.

Aging is actually a privilege not everybody gets to experience, and that’s something worth remembering. 

The problem with narcissists is how they use their age like it’s some kind of mental incapacitation. 

They’re still very able to be narcissists. 

They just fool less people.

Going Nowhere: Fast

The narcissist is declining! 

It’s fast-moving – and I have to say that if you think it’s enjoyable – you wouldn’t be the first person with that opinion. 

Finally, the day comes when not everything goes their way. 

People get fed up with them blowing hot and cold.

There’s a shift in how they feel they deserve to be treated.

They understand the correlation between feeling negative and being around the narcissist.

They start to want to achieve goals for themselves and understand the narcissist is the one who holds them back.

Life starts wanting to be lived, and all the while those people are growing into theirs, the narcissists are shrinking.

Narcissistic abuse is only possible when you consciously or subconsciously give yourself up to the narcissist. 

If you start to put yourself first, the narcissist has no choice. 

And no – they don’t like it – but guess what…

…It’s not up to them.

There’s Never a Happy Ending

When it comes to narcissists, they never have a happy ending. They are infamous for becoming more and more impossible in older age.

Their stubbornness becomes almost petulant. 

They crave being able to control the people they once did.

Their grudges are bigger than ever. 

They understand that they are not the person they once were.

Narcissists end up miserable, sad and lonely. They always were, but these emotions become more prominent as they age. 

They never start caring, nor do they regret how they have acted.

It would be your mistake to assume they ever will, or do.

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives then have meaning, just as they feel they should every day.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.