We talk about red flags a lot, and I mostly cover things like the silent treatment, or being gaslighted, or even the control narcissists place on you as the victim.
This is brand new territory, guys. This red flag is so huge that I challenge any one of you to overlook it as a normal kind of behavior.
It comes with a warning to you that if you tolerate this red flag, you’re in for a really unpleasant time with the narcissist in your life.
The warning for down the line
Before I venture into what this red flag is, I need you to know something.
Everything else in your relationship might be fine now. And that would be to be expected, especially if you just met.
You’re never going to see the bad side of someone all the while they’re trying to impress you.
What I want you to take from this, is a warning for the future; a future you might currently think looks pretty shiny and rosy. It won’t be. Not if this red flag exists.
So take what feels perfect now, and watch that wilt away into the reality that is a much more unpleasant alternative.
Violent tendencies can be spotted with this one red flag
I like to say that if you can spot something that looks like violence in a person, it’s a red flag that needs little explanation.
Because this red flag in particular isn’t necessarily aimed at you, you might think everything is okay.
If a person you’re in a relationship with portrays this type of anger, it’s time to know that you need to seriously reconsider your part in it…
…Before it’s too late.
The red flag is…
You need to watch out for your partner driving aggressively. I don’t mean getting a little frustrated at the driver in front for not paying attention to what they’re doing, I mean aggressive driving.
This is more than just a beep here and there, because I can assure you, if you’re in the passenger seat next to somebody who is intent on causing a drama or a scene, you are going to be sitting there feeling totally helpless at the situation.
You won’t be able to do anything to stop them, and no matter how much you tell them to calm down, it won’t work.
Aggressive driving frequently ends badly, and I really don’t want you to be caught up in it if you can help it.
Spotting it early should mean you have the freedom to then decide if this relationship is really for you.
More than just bad behavior on the road
For those who excuse their partner’s aggressive driving, I do have something to offer you.
That aggressiveness happens more than just when they’re on the road. There’s absolutely no way they step out of the car like an angel with the patience of a saint.
They do not take their halo off and get into that front seat to start the engine.
That aggressive streak lives fully within them at all times, and it’s only a matter of time before you discover that for yourself.
This is not what I want for you, and as such, the red flag must be waved.
What aggressive driving looks like:
If you know you know, but sometimes it does need to be crystal clear for those in doubt. Aggressive driving can look like:
- Speeding
- Weaving through traffic
- Blowing through red lights
- Tailgating
- Ignoring stop signs
- Shouting and swearing at other drivers or pedestrians
- Excessive beeping
Do any of those sound familiar to you? I feel like you might need to take a look at your situation and think whether or not the narcissist you know displays any of these behaviors, and if they do, how it really makes you feel.
Driving on any journey can be seriously ruined when you’ve got somebody so unable to regulate their emotions while driving.
The mindset behind their aggression
Let’s break it down a little more.
There is a specific mindset behind anybody who drives with so much rage and anger.
It’s sitting inside them, and they want a reason to bring it to the surface and let it out.
Your safety is at risk, and they’re putting you in danger if this is how they drive, but it’s more than that.
Think about what’s really happening in the mind of somebody so willing to just let it all out on the road.
What’s going on behind the rage? What sort of person is harboring those high levels of such negativity and displaying it all in front of you like that?
If they can yell and beep and cuss at a stranger on the highway, what else are they capable of? The more you stick around ,the more likely it is that you’ll find out.
Safe and secure is about how you feel in a car, not just the relationship
When you get in that car and put your seatbelt on, you’re making sure you’re as physically safe as possible.
In fact, it’s the law to do so. The roads can be an unpredictable place, so it’s important you do what you can.
What about who you’re stepping into the car with? Do you ever think about that?
Do you roll your eyes when the other person drives recklessly with a bad temper? Do you make excuses for them?
Oh, they just had a bad day.
You know what they’re like.
They’re just impatient.
I’m used to it.
It’s not ideal, but I love them.
Enough with it all.
Feeling safe and secure is much more than just how you feel in the car, it’s about how you should also feel in the relationship, too.
And if you feel safe in only one, or neither, then ask yourself what you’re even doing.
Never overlook this part of their character
Overlooking a part of the other person’s character this way is asking for trouble.
I know that nobody is perfect, and I will be the first to admit that I’m not perfect at all.
But I drive the way we should all drive, and I don’t put my family at risk.
When you see this part of a person’s character, you can’t unsee it. And if you’re in a relationship with them, then that can make it even worse. What choices do you have?
Well, more than you think, actually.
You can start by considering what depths they will go to to release that pent up aggressiveness, and how you might play a part in that.
As much as you love somebody, a red flag is a red flag, and you need to ensure that you’re aware and accepting of them, especially ones as huge as this.
Overlooking aggression leads to a life of misery, and I have seen that in so many people I’ve worked with.
Love can feel so intense, but if you’re with somebody who causes you to be on edge for most of the time you’re together, that isn’t love.
It’s limerence.
