You met the narcissist.
They took your breath away.
They made you laugh until you cried.
They provided you with the promise of a safe space.
They guided you through your fears, and let you know they will always support and love you.
Then, the world they built for you to live in came crashing down before you could even move in.
What is it? What’s the one reason empaths just can’t shake the narcissist out of their life indefinitely?
I’m here with the answer.
The Empath – The Fixer
It’s not your job to fix people, is it?
I know you know that, but if you’re an empath, the overriding need to continue to do so will take over.
The logical part of your brain where you can see you’re being taken advantage of will disappear under the thick layers of wanting to serve and be loved by those who greedily accept.
Empaths find their purpose in helping other people, because that’s where they learned from a young age to look for love.
This usually means neglectful parents who only offered a little warmth when their child did something good, helpful, or loving.
This is known as conditional love if you are unaware of official terms.
Love is shown only under certain circumstances.
Of course, love is so hard to come by that they spend their entire lives trying to earn it, like wages at a job. At this point, any love will do, so they take the smallest amount and treasure it.
Always Wanting Somebody To Help
Empaths fit the mold here perfectly – as narcissists are always on the lookout for somebody to help them. This might look like:
- Making them look better (the family-oriented person, the perfect partner, the loving and thoughtful spouse). They need a partner to prove they can offer these things to another, deeming them generous and compassionate.
- They love to have somebody they can use for their own gain. That can be in times of wrong, where they need repeating cases of forgiveness. Only a certain type of person will do this—a person who only sees the good in people. Those with big hearts are quick to say, “It’s okay; I know you didn’t mean it.”
- Wanting somebody who is nurturing, they always put their own needs aside so they can help the narcissist. Usually, that means at the click of a finger, the empath comes running. That’s where they see themselves the clearest—when they are needed.
- If you’re seeing the best in a narcissist, you’re paying attention to those fleeting moments where they can breadcrumb you snippets of affection that don’t go deep enough to be authentic, but to you, they will do. Narcissists need these types of people so they can always avoid getting deeper.
Needing to be Needed
And there lies the reason empaths struggle to let go of narcissists:
Narcissists will always need empaths, and empaths will always need narcissists.
The dynamic of the relationship falls into many problems, but those problems stem with narcissists only thriving when somebody else is relying on them.
As empaths go, they rely on the narcissist like they rely on a job. They clock in and work their asses to the ground. The only difference is – there’s not even a wage at the end of each day.
The only payment is given to the person watching them work!
So, how do you know if you’re an empath?
I’ve got five immediate ways you can tell:
#1 You’re Told You’re Too Sensitive
Like it’s a bad thing, right? Well at least that’s how the narcissist paints it for you.
Sensitivity is actually a gift not enough people possess.
The ability to tune into others’ feelings.
The ignition of helpful, compassionate people reaching out and offering support.
Sensitivity is a bit of a superpower. It means you can feel.
Narcissists can’t do that. Not even a fraction of the time. They need your sensitivity even though it seems to be a problem to them, and that’s what keeps you feeling like they need you.
#2 You Pick Up On Energies Around You
Empaths do pick up all the energies around them. They might not like this aspect of themselves, but it’s a part of the reason narcissists love them.
If they can read an empath, they can dictate how their behavior resonates with them.
If you’re being ignored for no reason, you’re going to pick up on something not being right, and will use that uncertainty to question the narcissist.
What did you do wrong?
How can you fix it?
Narcissists love this attention, but empaths won’t want to let go until they’ve done that fixing.
#3 You Are Sensitive To Feelings of Others
Continuing slightly with point 2, if you’re sensitive to how the narcissist is feeling, they can wrap you round their little finger.
You don’t want to let go, because you believe you’re the answer to their problems. You hope that your warmth and love can thaw their cold hearts, so you wait forever to see if that’s possible.
It never is, but that’s why you can never let go.
#4 You Feel It’s Your Duty To Help Others
You’re always going to have the offer of help up your sleeve, but you’re never going to really give the narcissist anything they need, even if they do ask you for help.
Nothing will ever be good enough – but you’ll find out the hard way.
Years can be spent trying to make them happy, but you’ll never hit the jackpot. They will still find ways to complain about you, to you, deducing your confidence.
You want to help, because you were taught that to receive love, you had to offer help.
#5 You Tire Easily, Needing Regular Recharge
Narcissists aren’t the sole reason for you being so tired all the time, but they will test you to your limits and beyond by creating unnecessary drama and conflict to exhaust you.
And so you inevitably tire. It’s tiring having to try to please somebody who is never happy. The more you need to recharge, the more they push, but in those moments of pushing, they can reveal their charm intermittently.
It’s enough to keep you hooked, even though you’re drained of all energy, and it’s a toxic balance all narcissists know how to juggle.
When you’re most tired, they seem to switch on a helpful and supportive role and will do what they can until you recharge.
Then?
It starts all over again.
