I promise to be…
Next year will be…
You have my word that next year, I will…
Enough! Stop with the lies! Those with any real experience with a narcissist will know to yell these words at a narcissist. After all, they make promises and break them within a day!
Do you want a little insight into what those promises are?
Well, you came to the right place!
#1 “It’s you and me against the world”
Where have you heard this before?
Oh, that’s right. Last year when the narcissist promised they would be better, only to drop the world’s worst critical comment at your feet literally an hour later.
But this is what they do. They use moments like New Year’s, where it’s supposed to feel magical, to tell you all these wonderful things.
It’s you and me against the world.
Just us.
We don’t need anybody else.
I am all you will ever need.
Bringing you both together like this even in word and promise, isolated you from everybody else you know.
It cuts away any opportunity you have to remain close with the people you love, and guess what? Narcissists actually make the idea sound romantic!
Within 24 hours, they’ve pushed that promise away and disappointed you already.
It never takes them long, does it?
#2 “More sleep, more peace”
I don’t want to keep fighting every night.
I want us to go to bed and just relax.
Sleep is so important.
We need to make more time for it.
All sounds lovely, if it were going to be remotely true after 24 hours.
A narcissist never brings peace to be with them, they bring chaos. Anything to make you stop being able to sleep and get a good night’s rest is top of their list of exciting ways to bring you down and leave you feeling hollowed out.
New Year’s, when you’ve had a drink or two and enjoyed the night, will be prime time for them to kick off and blame you for overindulging on the prosecco.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
#3 “No more booze”
Speaking of alcohol, that will be one of the most laughable statements to come out of a narcissist’s mouth:
This will be my last beer for a whole year!
That’s right! I am giving up alcohol to get healthier!
If said in front of a crowd of people, the narcissist might trigger you a little, as you recall internally all the times they lost their temper and raged at you when fuelled on drink.
You hope this is true, because if it is, it will make for a very peaceful life.
Then New Year’s day rolls around, and you hear:
Well, we may as well finish up all the Holiday bottles, right?
Before long, that promise will be long forgotten, even denied.
#4 “Let’s not fight”
Okay, this would be a good promise if you were at all responsible for the fights that you do have. Seeing as you aren’t, it will be the narcissist who should be saying:
I promise to not start fights with you. I see how damaging it can be, and it will stop.
Shamefully, as quick as they make that promise, they break it, probably blaming you for initiating it in some way even though you had nothing to do with it.
#5 “I promise to start listening more”
Hooray!
This is amazing, and the kind of promise you want to hear for a successful relationship moving forward.
You have wanted and needed the narcissist to listen more instead of misinterpreting everything you say all the time and blaming you for things you haven’t done.
The promise comes, and you want it to be real, but within a day, the narcissist is half listening to you as you talk, and you feel your heart sinking in your body.
You knew it wouldn’t last.
#6 “Less phone time for me”
Less phone time? You mean, you’re actually going to spend less time getting lost in a meme or scrolling, or being nosey on other people’s profiles for once?
You’d love to believe it, and there’s a part of you that gives the narcissist the benefit of the doubt.
It sure sounds nice to spend less time being in a world of their own and maybe having a real conversation with you in the evenings rather than ignoring you.
However, you know this won’t last. How can it? They are glued to their phone, but yet again, this is about pleasing you in the moment as the clock strikes 12, and not about reality or the long term plan at all.
#7 “I promise to always respect you”
This is a big one.
Number one, let’s look at the red flag here. If somebody is promising to always respect you, why do they need this to even be a New Years resolution?
Surely it should go without saying that the person you’re with deserves to have your utmost affection and love, not just when it suits them?
Number two, if there was ever a time to change a level of disrespect and turn it into respect, it should be because you’ve realized the error of your ways and not because you’ve had a few shandies at New Year’s.
The promise to always respect should be an unwritten rule in every relationship dynamic.
Of course, the narcissist will break it well within 24 hours because they can barely let an hour go by without treating you like s**t.
#8 “Let’s look at getting a dog together”
Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a buddy to walk and do fun things with?
He could be our first real commitment together.
Now it’s a dangerous game getting a pet with a narcissist ,because they will be jealous of any attention you give them.
Not only that, when the time comes where you separate, even if they don’t really like the animal, they will insist on keeping it just to be cruel to you.
When you remind them of wanting to get a dog a day later, they will stick their nose in the air and scoff.
Yeah, what was I thinking?
Dogs are such hard work, it wouldn’t be practical.
And there you are, let down yet again by a person you thought was so keen on bringing unconditional love into the house.
#9 “I will eat healthy with you”
Last but not least, the promise of a narcissist to eat healthy with you and start the year off as you both mean to go on.
There’s nothing wrong with supporting each other, especially if it means you both get good results.
Problem though:
The narcissist will wake up on New Year’s Day and put on that fried bacon and egg, to make the world’s most buttered sandwich for breakfast.
You stare at them as you were about to reach for the oatmeal you prepared the night before with honey and chia seeds, and you just know you are in this alone.
It’s just what narcissists love to do, to sabotage any kind of self-improvement you might want for yourself.
