When presented with the character of a narcissist, I could safely reel off a long list of destructive habits that come with them.
From the way they go silent on you, to the guilt they place on you daily – they are toxic and terrible people.
They’re abusers.
But there’s one habit a narcissist has that I bet you’ve not thought of.
Until now!
When you find out what it is, you will never be able to get close to another narcissist again.
#1 You think you know the narcissist…
Most people think they know the narcissist in their life inside and out.
They think they know the moods, what makes them tick, what makes them mad, and even how to please them when they are clearly in a mood.
Maybe to some extent, you do. But in no way does that mean you know everything about them.
Their habits may be out on display, but you pay attention to them all? Do you understand what each one means, and are you really looking at every habit close enough?
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I’d bet no.
#2 They treat you like crap with their bad habits
Let’s get more into the habits, because each narcissist comes with a whole bunch of them, and none of them are good.
When I talk about habits, I mean:
- The way the narcissist has a habit of talking about you behind your back, but being nice to your face. The same goes for anybody else, too.
- Their obsession with control and how they need to know everything about everything.
- The way they constantly bombard you with messages or call when it suits them, but they’re never there for you.
- The way they criticize and pull your character apart, while maintaining that they’re perfect.
- The hot and cold moods that they push into the home and allow everybody else’s moods to be dictated by them.
These habits all spell danger and trouble for you. Habits affect you, even if you think they are ‘just a part of somebody.’
When it comes to narcissists, their entire character will affect you, and never positively.
#3 There’s one most destructive of all…
Think about the narcissist you know for a moment.
Do you think about all the habits they have? I bet there’s one you haven’t even considered, and it is directly involved in why you feel the way you do right now.
The most destructive habit of a narcissist is how they make making your life miserable the best part of their day.
You see all the small ways that they control the narrative of their mood, but you forget that this is what they aim to do. This is what they want. This is where they find their purpose.
If they are making you miserable, then they are happy. If they see you struggling, they know they’re doing something right.
If they are watching you cry, beg, apologize or try to explain yourself, they feel smug because they created that moment.
I want you to think about how destructive that is. It’s unthinkable that this is potentially the same person who tells you that they love you and want to be with you forevermore.
This is the same person who drew you to them with charm and the promise of a happy-ever-after.
It’s time – with the awareness of this destructive habit – that you realized they were faking it all along.
#4 Not what you thought!
It’s too general to even be considered, but it’s the fact that it isn’t even one thing in particular.
It’s everything.
From the moment you met them to now, it’s all the ways they have made you small, made you feel as if you’ll never be smarter than them, and how they’ve isolated you.
You wouldn’t think this because we are all too focused on the big things in life. We look at the outcome of this habit, rather than what has caused it.
You think, “I don’t feel confident enough to apply for that job.”
You think, “I don’t think I can stand up and make that speech.”
You think, “I don’t want to wear that beautiful outfit today”
You think, “There’s no point in working out today.”
But where does it all come from? Where does the change occur? When does it happen? Who caused it?
Unpacking that is big. It’s painful, and it nearly always feels messy, and that’s because it is.
It’s exactly why you have become who you are. It was never anything to do with you; it was in all the different, abusive ways the narcissist took pleasure from watching you fall apart.
#5 The covert nature of all narcissists
Because this habit derives from such small, everyday ways to abuse you, they are often overlooked.
This is the covert nature of all narcissists. They are rarely obvious when it comes to wanting to pull you apart and break you.
If they were, you’d probably not hang around waiting for change as long as you do.
And so, they pick slowly. They are sly, and when you aren’t looking, they do it time and time again.
Narcissists love to work behind the scenes, even though they love the spotlight.
They shine when it suits them, but the rest of the time, they’re looking to hide behind their abuse, pretending everything is normal.
There’s nothing to see here, folks.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
I would never do that.
Of course they would. And they do.
#6 Learning what destruction this causes you long-term
The big part of the topic that now looks toward you.
We don’t need to talk about their habits any longer, because now it’s about you and what it does to you over time.
Yes, you lose yourself. That’s the biggest part of it. But it’s also all the ways you forget how to make good choices.
It’s in the belief that you aren’t worthy of making good choices, and so you don’t bother.
You stop wishing. You don’t set goals. You stop seeing friends. You don’t bother meeting up with friends because you are too exhausted from being abused daily.
You don’t know how to get it back, and you try, but it’s no use.
If you aren’t careful, you will stay stuck like this forever. The longer you stay stuck, the harder it is to discover who you were all along. The real you.
#7 Knowing when to leave
If I could be perfectly honest, I would say don’t ever get involved, so you never actually have to leave a narcissist.
With that being said, it’s never too late to walk away and decide to heal. People avoid it because they think there’s no life for them away from the narcissist, but I beg to differ.
I say there is a life waiting for you, and the second you realize this, you can jump into it and become whoever it is you want to be, without their limitations placed upon you.
It sounds easy, and I know it isn’t. But I am saying, it is possible.
Only your actions will prove how possible it really is.
