Right before the curtain closes for good on your relationship with the narcissist, prepare for them to act on one final encore – and it won’t be what you’ve been waiting for.
Their final attack can be brutal, and it will be the kind of parting gift they will leave you in order for you to never forget them.
Just when you think you’re free from their toxicity, they will prove to you that they know how to sap all life from you one last time.
Here’s how.
#1 All that time together
When reflected upon, time spent together with a narcissist can look like a total waste of both time and energy.
You gave it everything you had in the best of ways, and with the most positive of intentions.
You didn’t mind all the times the narcissist treated you like dirt, because in between, and very fragmentally, they also told you they loved you and treated you to the odd takeout.
You wanted those moments, so tolerated the abuse, but at the time, you just lived in hope.
You hoped the narcissist would someday be more consistent, and before you knew it, so much time had gone by that you actually feel like you have wasted most of your life wishing and waiting.
You never dreamed you’d be in a place where you would be experiencing a final attack before they finally disappear.
Yet here you are.
#2 Meaning nothing to them doesn’t mean you mean nothing at all
I want to preface the rest of this topic with the reality that you are not worthless.
You’ve been made to feel that way all this time, and that has everything to do with them, and nothing to do with you.
Just because you didn’t end up meaning anything to the narcissist, doesn’t mean you walk a life of worthlessness.
You are valued, and valuable. You are important, and you matter.
You hold a special place in the hearts of so many, but the one person I know would give you that true validation is the person you’re never going to get it from.
And so you feel like you’re chasing something that was never meant to be.
#3 The break-up
The break-up comes, and you find yourself staring at the past like it was all a big blur.
You don’t know how you quite got here, but you do know you don’t recognize yourself, and you feel a bleak blend of lost and hopeless.
The break-up was inevitable, and now what you have left is a future that you can at least build in a way you want it to be.
You think you’re heading into smooth sailing, but here comes the twist:
The narcissist isn’t quite done with you yet.
They have one parting gift for you, and that is their final attack. There is always a catch with these people, right?
They don’t care how much they hurt you while you’re together, and now you’re splitting up, they care even less.
That’s why they have no problem attacking you, piling their ego onto your weaknesses yet again, and pulling you back into an abusive situation when all you want to do is focus on what’s ahead of you.
This is why I always try and warn people:
The break-up is part one of the separation, and after a brief interlude, the second part is the attack.
#4 What comes next: the final attack
Although you may not be expecting it, the attack is a common way for the narcissist to make sure they leave with a bang.
Attacks can prolong the break-up, and cause rifts in your life that may last forever.
It’s almost as if the narcissist wants to hand over a parting gift that will cause you to never forget them.
So let’s think about what attacks can look like.
First, there is the name attack. This is where the narcissist takes your name, runs it all over town, and creates conflict between you and other people.
You once may have gotten along, but now you are finding people are avoiding you in the street. That’s because they’ve heard rumors about you that are simply untrue.
You are an abuser.
You’re a gossip.
You’re a liar.
You’re a cheat.
You’re impatient and unkind.
You fake friendships.
Nothing anybody ever does is good enough for you.
In other words, all the traits that you will find in a narcissist are being linked to you.
Another attack can be sabotaging your future relationships. Narcissists do this by keeping an eye on where you’re going and who you’re seeing, so they too, can befriend them.
That’s when they will warn potential partners about you.
How needy you are, how terrible you are, how emotionally neglectful you can be, or how obsessed you get with the person you’re with.
#5 Going through the unthinkable
It’s not what you want to hear, and I totally get that.
One minute you’re kissing goodbye to the worst period of your life, the next you’re realizing that nothing had the potential to ever be normal again.
If breaking your heart and spirit wasn’t bad enough, the narcissist has their sights set on your repudiation and connections.
They will do everything they can to cause you immense pain, and that’s down to that one last twist of the proverbial knife.
Leaving you alone and fighting for yourself is their ultimate plan for you, and before they disappear, they will ensure that happens.
#6 When freedom comes at a cost
I think that’s the price of freedom, isn’t it?
As you think you are about to enter a phase in your life that regulates your nervous system and allows you a chance to heal and feel as though you are coming down off the worst ride in existence, the narcissist has other plans.
The cost of freedom is to not just say goodbye to the narcissist, but to kiss goodbye to so many things that are important to you, too.
As much as you want them to disappear for good, narcissists always have a way about them that leaves an imprint on your future.
#7 Moving on after the attack
After this attack, you might find it hard to know which direction to move in next.
I urge you not to panic about that. Take it one day at a time, and for the love of God, do not beg people to believe you.
Desperation will leave people in even more doubt about your authenticity, and they may even start to believe the narcissist even more over believing you.
The best thing you can do is live the life you want to live. Make plans, apply little goals to each day, and build something that resembles success.
If you show the narcissist that you aren’t bothered by their attack, you will be the real winner.
If you prove to them that you’re going to do what you’d planned anyway, they are far less likely to feel as though they’ve gotten the kick they wanted out of their final ambush.
That’s got to be worth something, right?
