Oh, they love it, don’t they? Narcissists love to win every argument they enter.
They walk into each one with a strategic game plan to make themselves come off shiny, and you look like the sore loser who is to blame.
At what point does the narcissist know he’s won? How does that moment go from zero to one hundred?
Oh, they have a favorite way of doing it, that’s for sure. And I know it will blow your mind when you read it!
The Magic Combo
No, I’m not talking about your favorite takeout meal (although I wish it was that simple).
I want to reach into the vast library of narcissism and offer you another combo you may not be all too familiar with.
Both manipulation and gaslighting when thrown together, help form all narcissists.
Think about it like this. The narcissist wants to always win.
They can’t stand the thought of sinking to your success, so when it comes to arguments, they’re going to be ready to serve you a verbal one-two punch to get the win.
I know they don’t deserve that win, nor do you deserve to tolerate it.
But seeing as I’m all about helping you out, I want to show you their tricks, so you can overcome them your own way.
#1 Manipulation
First up, we have manipulation.
What is Manipulation?
When somebody wants to be sneaky, and control your influence on something for their own benefit, they will manipulate you to the max.
The aim is to make you confused, right? So narcissists are going to try it all and hope that they succeed.
If one thing works more than the other, then expect more of that very thing.
As long as you suffer and they can watch on with pure satisfaction, that’s all that matters to them.
Types of Manipulation:
Manipulation is never truly obvious, that’s why it is such a commonly used tactic with narcissists.
They never want to seem as though they’re abusing you, but they’re still going to do it anyway.
Under the guise of manipulation, narcissists nearly always get what they want (until you figure them out).
- Mind games
- Guilt-tripping
- False illusions
- False pretenses
- Dishonesty
- Gaslighting
- Outright lying
- Silent treatment
Do any of these feel a little close to home for you? What ways has the narcissist in your life manipulated you, and have they used any of the above ways to get under your skin?
There’s no nice way to manipulate, and it’s a behavior that the most emotionally healthy of us avoid.
I personally see no gain from using these kinds of powers to affect a person negatively, but then again, I’m not a narcissist.
How The Narcissist Uses Manipulation to Win Every Argument
If you’re trying to defend yourself, or stand up to the fact that you’re being mistreated, the narcissist will want to take you down a peg or two.
They won’t put up with your voice being anywhere near loud, so what they do next is use any manipulation tactic to take it a step further.
Do they want to silence you? Trigger you? Confuse you? Force you to apologize? Cause doubt to set in? Make you feel guilty?
You can bet they will do it all.
Why are you shouting at me? I just want to try to help you.
You are so aggressive right now.
No wonder we can never fix anything all the while you constantly cry.
Why do you seem so intent on destroying our relationship?
Whenever we argue, you always seem to have this little smile on your face.
What do these statements achieve?
They’re going to make you stop and think, “Oh my gosh. I think I am the problem here.”
#2 Gaslighting
Ding, ding! You’ve all heard of gaslighting. Hearing of it and understanding it are two different things, so let’s start with what it actually is.
What is Gaslighting?
If I purposely wound you up to the point where you were crying, how would you feel?
I’d guess that you’d feel pretty low.
You might think of me as a bad person, and you’d be right to do that. I shouldn’t be upsetting you in any way.
It’s the same for relationships.
Nobody should be making the other person upset.
What’s worse is then turning around and saying to them, through their tears:
I don’t know what you’re so upset about.
You’re so sensitive.
I was joking. How can you take that so seriously?
You’re fine.
I think you’re making a huge deal of nothing.
Why the drama?
Your face drops. After all that, the narcissist isn’t even remotely sorry. In fact, they’re trying to make you the problem by shifting the blame to you, or trying to minimize how you’re feeling.
They’re trying to take away your reality, and replace it with their own version.
We all know that a narcissist loves only their own version, and will see it as the only one worth paying mind to.
No wonder it causes arguments, and no wonder the narcissist always wins.
Let’s look at other types of gaslighting.
Types of Gaslighting:
- Questioning your memory of events even though you remember correctly what happened.
- Telling you that you’re crazy or that you have a vivid imagination.
- Denying they made any promises to you.
- Belittling your problems or concerns, telling you you’re too this or that.
- Pretending to not understand what you’re saying, even though you’re being crystal clear.
- Pretending they can’t remember what happened, and not believing you when you tell them.
Anybody who frequently experiences gaslighting will feel like they are banging their head against a brick wall.
Can you see how their comments to you might make you want to just shout and scream at them?
Listen to me, I’m telling the truth!
They will laugh and continue to gaslight you until you cave and they win.
How The Narcissist Uses Gaslighting to Win Every Argument
Imagine a big bottle of cola, and in quick succession, you throw in those mints that will make the cola shoot out and explode, like those fun science experiments you see.
Well, picture you as the cola. The narcissist is the person putting the mints in, and the mints are the gaslighting comments.
One by one, drop, drop, drop.
Then suddenly, even if you don’t want to, you find yourself bursting out of that bottle, fast and furious.
That’s how they win. They know you will blow. They know they are going to win.
It’s time to find the lid, and keep your bottle closed.
You don’t have to be the participant any longer.
