What is it about those who are around narcissists, who just want to do favor after favor for them?
We know they’re assholes, we know they’ll never be grateful, but you still find yourself bending over backwards to make their lives easier.
They love it. But you? You’re burned out. So make them panic by stopping doing these 12 things that you’ve always done.
Remember to start taking care of yourself and binning the niceties for one!
#1 Making Their Morning Coffee
No sooner has the narcissist awoken and stretched their way into another morning, you have the coffee brewed and cupped for them to sip and arouse their senses.
They will never tell you that they’re grateful for such a thing, but they will panic as soon as you put the brakes on and refuse to do it for them any more.
What you have to understand is that you’re doing them a favor, and they’ve misconstrued it as a necessary right they have each morning.
What is that all about? Do they ever get up and make you that coffee? No, they don’t. Because they’re entitled and think the world revolves around them.
#2 Doing Their Laundry
Whites go in here, colors go in next, make sure this is washed on a low heat so it doesn’t shrink…
I mean, are you their partner, or are you their mother? Where I’m from, laundry should be shared.
If I’m busy, my wife will load it in. If she’s busy, it’ll be me. We all know how to work a machine, right? I mean, it isn’t complicated? Surely that’s got to be better than hearing the narcissist whine and ask:
“Do you know where my jeans are?”
Yeah, they’re down the side of the bed where you left them last week. What do you want me to do about it?
If you hold back on their laundry, you’re showing them they need to take responsibility for themselves. Cue panic!
#3 Lending Them Your Car
“Come on, I just need a ride.”
“I need to go into the city, I just need to borrow your car.”
“You always let me, what’s the problem?”
The problem is that you never fill the tank back up. You always go where you say you’re not going to go, and you run a red light last month and left me with a fine that I have to pay because you refuse to admit you ran it.
More problems than not come with lending the narcissist your car.
They won’t treat it with pride or care, and instead they will just let the gas run low and probably cause the brake pads to wear because they can’t help but drive faster than they should.
It really isn’t worth the stress, so make them panic and refuse to hand your keys over any more.
#4 Driving Them Places
You know what happens to narcissists who can’t drive? They become a regular customer for you, the unofficial cab driver.
Except, wait. They don’t tip, let alone pay. They demand, and just when you think you don’t have to go anywhere and can relax for the night, they show up and ask you to drive them somewhere they want to go.
And if you don’t?
They make you feel guilty, they shame you, criticize you; pretty much emotionally blackmail you into doing it for them.
The day you start saying no they realize they can no longer walk all over you and control you in that way, and they panic big time.
#5 Paying Their Bills
What do you mean? Now they have to put their hands in their own pocket? What are you doing to them?
It’s so unfair to make the narcissist pay their own bills, I mean, they do so much for y-
No. I can’t even lie well. They do nothing for you, yet you do everything emotionally, physically, financially for them? Absolutely not! Stop paying their bills and they will soon panic, but you know what?
They should be paying their own bills!
#6 Proofreading Everything
I hate to say this, but it’s in my experience and knowledge that a lot of narcissists are actually fairly illiterate.
Often when they write, they refuse to even throw in any kind of grammar, and their spelling can be very erratic, too.
They write how they speak, and often that is all in one go without so much as a pause of a breath.
Sadly, that leaves you, the other person, needing to check through everything they right and make it bearable to another set of eyes.
#7 Cooking Nice Meals
For what? Do they appreciate them, or are they always picking faults in your dishes?
It’s time to give proper cooking a knock on the head if all they’re going to do is criticize you. Besides, if they value independence so much, surely they can learn to cook for themselves, right?
Why should it always be up to you? It’s not!
So let them sweat it out in the kitchen for once.
#8 Buying Gifts For Their Family
It’s not up to you to have to be in charge of buying family gifts if they aren’t even your family. You have enough to do for yourself and for your own, let alone theirs too.
The thing is, they expect you to do everything for them, and that’s all part of their attitude toward how they should be treated. But it sucks!
So you make the lists for all the Holidays that apply, and you have to add that to your tasks for life, too.
#9 Saying Sorry First
If there’s one thing a narcissist loves, it’s when you initiate an apology. They almost feel smug about it.
Well, you should be sorry.
What if you didn’t do anything wrong? They will still want to hear it, but more worryingly, you will become accustomed to apologizing when there’s no reason to say it.
So stop, and watch them panic when they realize they can’t pull those strings any more.
#10 Covering Up For Them
Narcissists will always want you to cover for them, but they will never show any appreciation for it.
They want you to learn how to defend them, what to say so that they always look like the innocent party.
They teach you how and where to lay blame, and encourage you to speak highly of them as much as you can.
So, just don’t. Let them panic.
#11 Scheduling Their Appointments
Come on now. Do they really need you to call the dentist and book in that deep clean?
They don’t. But you know, it’s funny to watch a narcissist try to act normally on the phone.
That small talk people make, the general politeness, it’s a totally alien concept to them.
They’d prefer it if you did it, and they won’t hesitate to tell you why either.
You’re just so good at these things.
Wow. Makes you feel great, doesn’t it? You are good. But don’t get lost in what they offer you as being your sole purpose.
#12 Reminding Them of Important Dates or Events
It’s not up to you to tell them where they need to be and when! They are adults, and they should start acting like one.
It’s funny as well, isn’t it? They say they don’t need anybody, and then you come along and are expected to pick up all their pieces for them just like that.
But you should instead be focusing on you, and not them.
