Wait… What?
I know. It seems out of this world that somebody who works so hard to make you love them actually wants you to end up hating them.
Narcissists work to their own plan, and it’s never one I promise to be fully understood by the emotionally healthy of you out there.
The hate you end up feeling was all part of their game, and I want to take the time to tell you why.
Just when you think they couldn’t get any worse…
Confusing, Right?
You’ve probably read countless times that all narcissists are desperate for your love.
They want your attention, and your validation.
They want to feed their ego with your misery and compliance.
They feel good knowing you are giving them everything, and leaving yourself with nothing.
Have you ever looked into how sometimes narcissists also want you to hate them?
Yes, it seems confusing. It shouldn’t make sense that somebody so toxic and controlling wants to repel you in some way, but believe me when I say it’s very true.
There does come a point where it’s in the narcissist’s interests for you to switch and hate them…
…But why?
It’s Not All About Love
There comes a point where narcissists know you don’t have much love to give them.
You’ve figured them out, and realized the kind of person you’re dealing with. They know that you’re no longer tolerable of their abuse, and it’s a race against time to see who can come out as the winner here.
Narcissists will always want to win – so that’s when you need to prepare for the love (or whatever it was you thought resembled it) to disappear entirely.
What replaces that love when the narcissist wants rid of you is:
- Direct hatred
- Discard
- Disinterest
- Nasty comments
- People being turned against you
- Lies being spread about you
- Your triggers being activated
- Your insecurities being highlighted and thrown out there
Narcissists do this so you end up hating them back. And they will make a really good job of hiding all these acts of hatred because they won’t want anybody else to suspect.
This is really dangerous territory to walk.
But what happens next is even worse.
Prepare For Being Lined Up
You’re officially being lined up.
And you might think, lined up for what?
Well, the game to the narcissist doesn’t stop there.
Think about it, and I really mean this, because if you dig deep you can be a step ahead of the narcissist.
The game being set up is the game you are expected to participate in, yet you are likely to not even be aware of it until it’s too late.
What Happens When You Hate?
When the narcissist wants to get rid of you, they will make your life hell.
And you have two choices here.
Number one – you can walk away and they will get to cry and act like the victim because you left them. People will think you’re the old and cruel one.
Number two – you can fight back, and everything the narcissist tells other people about you looks to be true. You’re feisty. You’re impossible. You’re stubborn. You’re argumentative. You’re dramatic.
Do you see how neither of those scenarios are going to work in your favor?
Yet the narcissist is there, goading you to dislike them and make it known to the entire world.
That’s when they will have you right where they want you, so they can make a meal from your reactions.
What Narcissists Do With Your Hate
See? I told you. They can’t stand me. I don’t know what I do that’s so wrong.
I try my best, but it seems I can’t get it right.
These are the phrases narcissists will throw out there to people. Family. Friends. Strangers if they have to. Your hate is the gift they need to present everybody else with.
The people they want sympathy from, and the people they’re dying to convince that you are the problem.
If you were to make it crystal clear to the world that you hate the narcissist, the narcissist, in return, is going to be able to look like the good guy, and that plays heavily into their victim mentality.
You’re giving them exactly what they want, right? So you hate, they deny, and you look crazy.
Splitting Up? Moving Away? Get Rid!
Usually, much desire for hate from the narcissist only comes when you decide to break up after a significant time together.
That whole process can be a shock to the system when so much of the abuse has previously been behind closed doors. Now the narcissist will take your hate for them and tell the world.
When this comes, you may end up realizing that you’re tied to the narcissist forever if you have children and/or grandchildren.
For those people, it can be hard going. It doesn’t feel like you’re getting a break from all the misery, and instead new ploys will be released.
It’s not easy for a narcissist to know they’re hated so much, but in ensuring you hate them, they can do what they can to work with those intense feelings and be the innocent party as a result.
Standing Your Ground
You know you’re right. You know you are a good person. All these things start to be doubted when the narcissist is near simply due to the way they insist you feel how you feel.
The hate you feel comes from:
- The resentment behind how you’ve been treated all this time
- How they’ve spoken to you or your friends and family
- The way they’ve tried to punish you for things you haven’t done wrong
- Expecting you to abide by their rules
- Violating your boundaries throughout the time you’ve known them
- The feeling you have of wasting so much precious time trying to make it work with somebody evidently unwilling or unable to compromise
In short – you are never going to be free from the narcissist until you accept all the mess that comes with knowing them.
Standing your ground is the only way you can be sure you are not letting their games win, and not allowing yourself to be used as a tool for them to garner sympathy.
Narcissists want to:
- Be the victim
- Gain attention from others
- Look like they’re the ones who were wronged somehow
- See you suffer
- Watch you experience true emotional pain
Narcissism isn’t something we should take with a pinch of salt, and if the narcissist you know is making damn sure you hate them, it’s because they have a bigger plan to make you suffer…
…So be prepared!
