Q: This guy I was seeing kept a secret that he was living with a girlfriend when we started dating. They lived only 2 blocks away from me. I found out when I saw him leaving her apartment early one morning. He was driving her car that he told me was his. I did some background research on him and found he has a criminal record, is a deadbeat dad to a wife (never divorced) and another women.
I backed away from him and and told him I chose not to continue seeing him. But he will not stop calling, texting, following and approaching me on the streets. Although he’s back again living with his girlfriend he states he wants to continue our relationship and that any woman he sees on the side will have to accept her as being part of his life too. He’s a joke and I told him to get lost, and he told me if I ever stopped seeing him again he would go for my jugular the next time to prove his point.
Its been over 6 months ago that I totally began blocking, ignoring and not responding to his contacts. But he has now recruited several of his friends to watch, follow, approach and stare at me whenever they see me passing by. Evidently he has discussed me with them to join in the taunting.
1)Is he trying to use shaming, slander and scare tactic to force me to accept him back?
2)Should I follow through with my threat to contact his girlfriend about him and his current actions towards me?
3)Should I file a complaint with the police? or
4)Continue to ignore him until he fades away. I have no intentions of EVER accepting him back into my life. I don’t want drama, but I will not back away from it if need be to get my point across to him either.
Thank you for your response. T.
A: 1. Yes, 2. No, 3. Yes, 4. Yes. A narcissist will use any means possible to get what they want- what they feel “entitled” to. Contacting his girlfriend will only fan the fire, potentially making his rage even more aggressive or violent. Please file an order of protection with the police as he has threatened to kill you and has his friends harassing you. If you know the names of the friends, file a stalking complaint against them. Do not discuss this with him or any of his friends (or use it as a threat)- discuss it only with the police. Anyone can stare at you but the other actions might be considered stalking or harassing-please check it out with the police. Maintain NO CONTACT and your sense of personal strength that comes through in your letter. Although the police action may result in more intense anger initially, it often forces the narcissist to get his “kicks” elsewhere.
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