The Narcissist is Using ANY Means To Get What He Wants

Q: This guy I was seeing kept a secret that he was living with a girlfriend when we started dating. They lived only 2 blocks away from me. I found out when I saw him leaving her apartment early one morning. He was driving her car that he told me was his. I did some background research on him and found he has a criminal record, is a deadbeat dad to a wife (never divorced) and another women.

I backed away from him and and told him I chose not to continue seeing him. But he will not stop calling, texting, following and approaching me on the streets. Although he’s back again living with his girlfriend he states he wants to continue our relationship and that any woman he sees on the side will have to accept her as being part of his life too. He’s a joke and I told him to get lost, and he told me if I ever stopped seeing him again he would go for my jugular the next time to prove his point.

Its been over 6 months ago that I totally began blocking, ignoring and not responding to his contacts. But he has now recruited several of his friends to watch, follow, approach and stare at me whenever they see me passing by. Evidently he has discussed me with them to join in the taunting.


1)Is he trying to use shaming, slander and scare tactic to force me to accept him back?

2)Should I follow through with my threat to contact his girlfriend about him and his current actions towards me?

3)Should I file a complaint with the police? or

4)Continue to ignore him until he fades away. I have no intentions of EVER accepting him back into my life. I don’t want drama, but I will not back away from it if need be to get my point across to him either.

Thank you for your response. T.

A: 1. Yes, 2. No, 3. Yes, 4. Yes. A narcissist will use any means possible to get what they want- what they feel “entitled” to. Contacting his girlfriend will only fan the fire, potentially making his rage even more aggressive or violent. Please file an order of protection with the police as he has threatened to kill you and has his friends harassing you. If you know the names of the friends, file a stalking complaint against them. Do not discuss this with him or any of his friends (or use it as a threat)- discuss it only with the police. Anyone can stare at you but the other actions might be considered stalking or harassing-please check it out with the police. Maintain NO CONTACT and your sense of personal strength that comes through in your letter. Although the police action may result in more intense anger initially, it often forces the narcissist to get his “kicks” elsewhere.

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4 thoughts on “The Narcissist is Using ANY Means To Get What He Wants

  1. Great advice,and yes you sound strong! Run don’t walk!He sounds like a nightmare! Malignant Narcissists are just horrid! Bless you in your journey-ALWAYS trust your instincts!I married a NPD jerk off and he tried to kill me when I left! Stay strong!!

  2. Once,a guy told me that he had been threatened over the phone. He called the police and they went and arrested the perpetrator and put him in jail. Verbal threats are taken seriously by the police.
    A restraining order should be a priority for sure! Maybe you could add the names of the stalkers to the order….not sure on that one.
    All the advice listed above are totally dead on and again I have learned much.
    As an empath, I am a magnet for Narcissits and have had to learn how to deal with them and fend them off. My family is also full of NPD`s and have made me the “scapegoat.” Another trait of Narcissitic people.

  3. Known my “N” 12 years, in relationship 8 years. Only in last 12 months learned about “N” and that my “N” is an “N”. Before that I fell for all his games, believed in him, was only person his friend he said many times. know that wasn’t true now last 8 months. problem now that we have split….my doing. I tricked him and caught him in act. He is furious now. But I don’t care. I have some serious things to deal with here in the after math of him. I’m sure I am not the only one who has had this problem. my “N” knows all my personal information. he is vindictive. He also uses Meth and seeks the drug daily. He has no job. everything he does to get money is illegal now that I have cut him off from taking care of him. In the last two years it’s been a roller coaster of break ups. He befriends criminals. The worst kind. I haven’t been able to prove 100% yet but I know there’s some truth to the fraud I’ve suffered he is a part of in some way. I think he has traded my personal info for drugs. A couple things happened and he was the only one around at the time. and a few times I called his bluff only to have him stick to me like glue to see where I went with my knowledge. And, honestly I am afraid of him. He would hurt my dogs. I know he gave my 5 pound yorkie meth. There was only him around. and he was the big hero in helping my dog survive it. I am broke now due to the various frauds against my credit. Mostly in the form of one particular home improvement store. So now what do I do? Should I name him as suspect? I don’t believe in accusing someone innocent of a crime. But I know he isn’t innocent. Once a drug dealer tossed him a sack of dope right in front of me and told him thanks. Odd too because that guy is known as a guy who will have you do his dirty deeds and not pay you what he promised he would. So for him to do what he did, my “N” boyfriend had to make this guy a real good deal on info. I’ve told all those losers off. They hate me just as much as I hate them. In last two years my drivers license has come up missing. both times only my “N” was with me. Oh, and I do not hang around these type people. I had been driving to where my “N” was hanging out getting high and making him leave there because he was finally off probation and told me he was never going to be on it again. Everything about my now ex “N” is a joke. anyone have any advice please on what to do about my situation?

  4. Note many “N” may not be a ‘criminal’ looking guy. Mine, is a Harvard Business School graduate, a start up CEO. A nightmare who has ALL the symptoms you guys had described. He is sick. He is delusional. With all the cheating he does, he believes he is “Loyal”. It’s hard to know if he really is delusional, or he is pretending that but it’s quite impossible to deal with a N because they are:
    1. lack of empathy
    2. pathological liar
    Not even a dog or any other animal than human being can live with them.
    Narcissists cheat – most of them do. and most of them believe they are entitled to do that. this is like a cheater times 10. That’s why recently in medical field, Narcissist is being removed as a Personality Disorder, it’s purely an evil lack of value and humanity thing; And, Narcissist Abuse Syndrome is being added as a disorder because that’s where truly needs care – we, the abused, one hand needs to stand up and act as the owner of our own happiness without being a victim, is a true victim of such inhuman interactions. Only education to the whole society and strength to re-program ourselves so that we won’t get into an abusive relationship next time, can save our society and ourselves.

    Narcissists are considered dangerous. This is because lacking empty will result in leaving in situations that is life threatening – mine did that. And that is why domestic violence is often involved – twice for me.

    Stand up for yourself and our future world – by performing NO CONTACT rule to N. Hold your head high and walk steady and surely forward, as if they never existed.

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