The Narcissist in Court: Judging in His Favor

Q: My daughter’s (26 months old) father (29) is a classic narcissist. He never showed signs of such traits until after he returned from a 2 month long job training states away when our daughter was only a month old. I found out later on that while he was training, he had involved himself in psychedelic drugs (not his first time), and as a result had a psychotic episode. It was almost immediately after he returned that he wanted to go back and live with his parents, then not even a week later he was done with us. The emotional abuse began and now I find us in a terrible custody battle 2 years later. Somehow the judge ruled in his favor.

Although we have shared custody and joint legal custody, I still say it is in his favor. Despite what tangible evidence I had and him up and moving 6 hours away the very next day after court (after he lied under oath), somehow the courts kept favoring him. I appealed the case and now I am having to settle on the exact same time because if I don’t, then supposively I will not win in appeals court. He has not paid child support, ended up getting fired from his job 6 hours away, and has been incredibly obfuscating when it comes to any information needed to communicate between the two of us.

He doesn’t see that trying to hurt me only hurts her. I have run out of money and only want a safe and emotionally/mentally/physically stable daughter in this critical time of her development. I am reaching out to you as my one last plea for help as to how I can save her from this war. I have to submit my suggestions for the final order by today, and my attorney said to make it easy for me to follow, hard for him to follow. Example: no verbal/oppressive language. I have 5 things I can add and have to think of some good ones that will help him dig his own grave

By doing so, I can let him screw up 3-5 times then bring him to court and hopefully have my daughter full time. Help! Thank you for reading this.

A: J, I am not sure what help you are asking for. Your court case sounds like a classic case that is played out in courts everywhere- remember that narcissists are masters at manipulating others and putting on a wonderful facade when they need to. They think nothing of lying under oath. Your best bet is to follow your current attorney’s advice- he seems to have a handle on how to deal with a narcissist in court. Also- document EVERYTHING and present the facts to the court. Show on paper that he doesn’t pay child support and write down details of when he has engaged in confusing or obscuring communication. There are articles on this website and on the internet that you may want to read that discuss the narcissist in court.

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2 thoughts on “The Narcissist in Court: Judging in His Favor

  1. I believe I understand what she is asking. She wants to catch her ex in breaking the law so that she may fight and win full custody, as she is not happy sharing custody now. Here are my suggestions of provisions.
    1). No drugs/alcohol/p**n/guns around the child and no smoke around her in a confined area.
    2). Husband will give her a 90 day written notice by email before to move outside of the area.
    3). Husband will get the daughter on his custody days 2 or 3 times on SPECIFIC dates without incident (ie- no shows/no messing up). Have the dates in the court documents and if he cannot make those because of WORK he needs to give a 2 week notice to the mother by email.
    4). When the child is visiting the husband she will call the mother X number of times. He must email the mother first 24 hours in advance to determine the time of the call.
    5). He will keep a landline in the house at all times in order for the mother to reach the child in case of emergencies.
    I feel like I should put more but this is all I can think of at this time.

    Please publish this ASAP as she said the advice she needs is time sensitive. Thanks!

  2. Agreed….document document document! Strap in because you are in for a hell of a ride. I understand where you are at,as I have been there. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and I married a narcissist just like her. I fought for custody and when I won…he came unglued. If I were you I would buy a voice activated recorder(radioshack or walmart) that way when he is being nasty to you..and acting diff to others…you can just hit play. Also do not under estimate these npd pple. When I won custody my exhusband broke into my house,and beat me unconcious.I now live in pain daily from a crushed neck and spine injuries. I can no longer be a nurse and life is a struggle. I do not want ANY woman to end up like me. Also in most cases of a NPD parent,when the child gets older he wil probably try and turn the child against you. Its just classic NPD. My daughters father is in jail…a curse and a blessing. I really wish you all the luck in the world…and stay strong! You can do it! Keep 2steps ahead of him and eventually he will slip up. In our state if you don’t pay child support you can not have a drivers license. Head up and eyes open. Sam Vaknin has a video about taking a narcissist to court…its excellent. Also get support. This is a great site as is this facebook page. Hugs! Stay Strong!!!!!

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