Narcissists are a different breed, they really are. When it’s normal to be happy, they want to ruin it.

When it’s normal to feel sad, they feel a deep and disturbing sense of satisfaction.

They were born to destroy lives, and they do it every day everywhere in the world.

You know what, though? There’s one thing they really don’t like. And it has a little something to do with your own knowledge.

Prepare!

Could They Dislike Even More?!

Hard to believe, isn’t it? Narcissists are such discontent people, it’s sometimes so hard to even know where they get it from.

It reminds me of magicians when they pull a silk hankie out of their sleeve and it just keeps coming, and coming, and coming. 

When does it end?!

Trust me – on this occasion – it doesn’t really end. Instead, you discover more and more ways a narcissist can reveal their darker side.

What to Know About Narcissistic Hate

When you do a little digging, you uncover the truth:

Narcissists don’t like it when you are happy.

But if you dig even deeper, you’ll understand why:

Because narcissists actually don’t like themselves.

This goes beyond the usual level of self-anger, or having a bad day that some of us have where we question ourselves or what we did wrong.

This is all the time. This is big. This is irreversible. 

It stems from their childhood, where they were either put on a pedestal and forced to be perfect all the time, or where nothing was ever good enough, and they were made to feel that love had to be earned.

The resentment from either scenario has haunted them, and instead of healing, they project.

And you are the latest victim. 

Article continues below this section.

---

When You Know You’re Doing Something Right

I can safely say that if a narcissist does not like you, it means you’re doing something right.

I know that sounds incredibly backward, but that’s exactly how you have to think when it comes to any kind of narcissistic type of behavior. 

They love you all the while you’re doing all the things they want you to do.

Fall over yourself to help them.

Love them with no love in return.

Take the blame.

Support them.

Defend them.

Remain loyal.

Remain quiet.

Be used as an emotional punch bag.

You’re doing good.

The second you stop all of that, you know their discontent is going to set in. When it does, there’s not really any room to go back.

After all – only one thing will encourage you to step back, and we are about to get to it. 

The Emotional Upper Hand

It’s a pretty good place to be, I would say. Having the emotional upper hand means you get to call the shots, which is probably something you’ve not been used to.

However, as soon as you reach this point, you’re going to see a shift in the narcissist and that hatred will start to make itself more present and awake within you. 

Knowing Them

The narcissist does not like it when you know them.

I’m not talking about knowing what food they like, or who their favorite football team is.

This goes far beyond knowing their favorite band, or what movies they can never pass up the opportunity to rewatch. 

This runs so much deeper.

Knowing who they are underneath their pretentious and fake persona is the key to how much the narcissist dislikes you. 

Think about it.

They’ve spent their entire life painting an image they want the world to see.

The perfect person. The confident, capable, maybe even rich person. 

And you come along in one swoop, and shatter it all by outing them as a narcissist.

What can you expert as soon as you figure them out?

• There will be sheer denial of it all. You’re wrong, and that’s that. 
• You’ll obviously be to blame. It’s your fault, whatever it is.
• You’re out to cause trouble. 
• You’ve taken away the narcissist’s very supply – you.
• Now they panic and have t o find more supply, which they dislike you even more for. 

Meet Scarlett

I’ve changed her name, but Scarlett was a client of mine several years back.

She had to deal with an abusive husband for over ten years, until one day, all the pieces came together.

She couldn’t figure out how her life had managed to change the amount it had over those years, but it was only when she no longer knew who she was that she took a deeper look.

She had married a narcissist.

Scarlett made the error of accusing her husband outright of being a narcissist, and it didn’t go down well.

Within days, Scarlett’s own family had distanced themselves from her, as her husband labeled himself the victim. 

It was a classic move by him, and one many narcissists make. 

Scarlett’s accusation fuelled his discontent for her, and everything that followed did not work in her favor.

All because she figured him out.

There’s No Going Back!

Like Scarlett, there’s no real way back to the original dynamics as soon as you discover you’ve been around a narcissist.

When you tell them, you’re offering them the knowledge that you can no longer be messed with.

Effectively, you’re useless to the narcissist, who has no other role for you in their life.

You have to be prepared for that, because nothing’s going to be the same again. I say this because too many victims still have that attachment to their abuser, and that can take a while to regulate again. 

Don’t leave yourself even more vulnerable than you already were. It’s okay to know who the narcissist is while working out a plan to get out of the situation you’re in, especially if it isn’t safe to just up and leave.

You have to put yourself first at all times. 

Their Hatred Can Fuel You

If you catch yourself at the right time of healing, you will be able to use their discontent for your own fuel.

Know that you’ve got the advantage for once, and understand what that means for you moving forward.

You can heal, and you can make your life richer once more. 

I always say, if a narcissist does not like you, then you’re doing something right. You’re living your life without anybody manipulating it.

You’re making your own choices. You’re unbothered by their threats. 

This is the way I want you all to eventually live your lives, and I know you can.

Yes, it takes time and energy to get there, but knowing who the narcissist really is will pull you out of the cycle of abuse.

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.