It’s not on, is it? Every time you express a love or satisfaction for something, that very joy gets stolen from you by the narcissist.
Of course it does.
They’re waiting in the weeds to make sure you live as miserable a life as possible.
It’s slow and intentional, but one thing is for sure…
…Knowing how narcissists slowly steal the joy from the things you love is the first step in preventing it from ever happening again.
Who is ready to empower themselves today?!
#1 It starts with subtle disapproval
When a narcissist disapproves, they really only have one desired outcome:
For you to give up whatever is making you happy.
The time you put into the things you love will seem wasted the moment the narcissist gets their own way.
They see a prize at the end of stealing your joy, and it’s that you simply don’t have any left.
It’s a kind of satisfaction that only narcissists could like, and that’s down to the fact that your joy is a real threat to their ego.
They begin by subtly frowning at what you love, telling you in the most indirect of ways that they don’t approve.
I think you’re doing too much of this.
Are you sure this is something you actually like?
Why won’t you just try out another thing?
I think this will backfire.
The dampening of flames will leave you wondering why you even bother trying to light a fire in the first place.
They disapprove not because of the thing that brings you joy, but because it brings you joy at all.
Your happiness is wrong to them on so many levels, and they can’t let you know fast enough.
#2 Your Passions become problematic
At first, the narcissist doesn’t seem to mind your hobbies. They smile; tolerating what you love.
They even seem interested to the point where they actually support you.
It’s nice, and you love to offer back your time sharing why you love the hobby, and how happy it makes you.
But then…
…Then comes the tonal shift. Like anything the narcissist does when they decide to change the dynamics, it’s subtle.
Your passion becomes an inconvenience to them. They try to convince you that it’s distracting you from your responsibilities, when really they see it as a threat to them.
Whenever you talk about it excitedly, they roll their eyes or sigh.
Here you go again.
Then comes the question.
Why do you love it so much?
You shouldn’t have to answer, but you find yourself doing so out of pure justification.
The worst part is, the narcissist doesn’t tell you to stop, they just pour water on your fire, and as the days roll by, you slowly start shrinking the time you give to it.
That’s not because you stopped loving it, but simply because you find it easier to let it slip away than having to keep explaining yourself.
You just want peace.
#3 Guilt served double
That’s what this is about, isn’t it? The questions keep peace at bay, and you feel guilty being the reason why that peace is ruptured.
It’s not that the forbid you to be happy (so they say), but the guilt of feeling as though you pour too much time into it makes you feel terrible.
You’re leaving me again?
You’re going to that class when you know I have the evening off?
I guess I ‘ll just sit here alone, then.
It becomes not worth the battle, so you give up on the one thing you get joy from.
Isn’t it unfair that you should feel remotely selfish for doing what you do?
#4 Competition for your love
Narcissists don’t just want to not share you with people, they also see threats in your dreams and passions, too.
It’s a jealousy that runs deep, and I find it crazy that they can feel this way about anything that brings you joy.
They see nothing but rivals; even your goals are a direct threat to them, which just blows my mind.
How can something you’re aiming for be so bad? If you don’t need them, and if reaching those goals makes you a better person and stronger then yes, that goal is a threat.
Note here, guys:
You shouldn’t have to choose between what brings you joy, and the person you’re with.
You should, in a normal, not even ideal life, be able to have balance in your life.
Love and attention isn’t an exclusive offer to the narcissist, but this is what they want, and what they expect from you.
That’s why it’s impossible to love anything that isn’t them. Even when you do love only them, they’re still not satisfied.
#5 Everything is now about them
Your excitement is sharply redirected when you share your joy with the narcissist.
No longer are they interested in hearing your news, but they override you talking about your day by complaining about theirs.
All their problems come to light, and you try to smile and listen, but you know you aren’t getting that same level of respect in return.
Each time you celebrate winning something, the narcissist brings up a different stressor in their life – usually invented – to bring your good news down to a slump.
When every moment shifts back to them in this way, there’s no real hope for your joy to become anything other than background noise. You don’t want all the glory all the time, but it’s nice to share the good things.
It’s as if your happiness isn’t convenient, and you have to tolerate the narcissist bringing you down in both mood and productivity when they steer you away from your joy on purpose.
#6 Eventually, your joy becomes nothing
When happiness goes, you won’t notice it at first. That’s because it disappears so slowly that you just feel flat, and you can’t quite understand why.
You don’t feel proud of what you achieve any more, because you have learned to squash down anything good you have got going on.
You just think of stress, and see it as part of being an adult living their reality.
It doesn’t matter how old you are, you are still within your rights to experience joy in any form possible.
This is where the narcissist guides you, though. It’s how they get you to think about what your priorities are without actually telling you to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing.
#7 Refusing the theft
The most crucial part of all of this is to refuse the theft. Learn the signs, watch and wait for the inevitable red flags, and process them in ways that allow your joy to remain.
Reclaim your passion, find the laughter you once loved about yourself, and stop asking them for permission to be happy.
Will the narcissist like it? I highly doubt it. They will probably do all they can to resist you living a joyous life.
That means you’re with the wrong person, not experiencing the wrong feelings.
This way, you get to sustain happiness, and live the way you want to live.
