Q & A: The Narcissist and Drug Abuse

Q: Can you speak to…or direct me to information on…the narcissist plus drug (specifically cocaine) addiction? For example, is there data to support any level of drug use by narcissists? If so, is cocaine a drug of choice, and why? What are some of the signs, and are the signs of a narcissist on cocaine the same as someone WITHOUT NPD on cocaine? How does one even begin to confront someone with NPD who is also ruining his life with a cocaine addiction…or is confrontation not suggested?

A: Please find a local chapter of Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and see if they have a support group for concerned persons/family members. Either a counselor there or the support group can give you specific ways to intervene with a cocaine addict. A person’s underlying difficulties/issues cannot be dealt with until their substance abuse is first dealt with. Most addicts are not willing to go to NA until some life changing action forces them to go (court requirement, major auto accident, divorce or threat of divorce, business goes bankrupt, etc.).

Research does indeed support a high correlation between NPD and substance abuse. I cannot say that cocaine is a drug of choice, but they are prone to substance abuse as well as other high risk behaviors in general. They are at increased risk for substance abuse whether it be alcohol or drugs (legal or illegal). The signs of a drug addicted individual with NPD would most likely be more pronounced just as they are with alcohol. They lose what little inhibition they might have in either situation. Confrontation is not likely to succeed with a drug-addicted NPD. He needs to see where the benefit is to him and to his world to change- remember, they don’t care about other people’s opinions or hurt feelings.

Generalities don’t work (“you are ruining your life”) nor the fact that he is ruining the lives of his family members. He does not feel guilt or remorse. You could try showing him facts-in black and white- the financial losses he is incurring (loss of home in so many months will lead to homelessness due to X amount of dollars spent on cocaine each week) or the loss of good looks (before and after photo) or whatever it is that he most cherishes about himself whether it be his financial success, looks, athletic ability, academic success, popularity, or etc.

  • My ex started out on adderrall, then moved to cocaine and quickly meth. The meth inflated his already inflated view of himself and attractiveness until the ugliness of the whole situation took its toll. He kicked the drug habit but still thinks he’s God’s gift to humanity.

  • My ex girlfriend is addicted to cocaine, alcohol and cannabis, she smokes very strong skunk weed daily, and drinks and takes large amounts of cocaine weekly. (she’s 40 years old)

    She is a text book narcissist, posting constant selfies on FB, has a massively over inflated view of herself, she spends her wages on the first weekend of getting paid.

    Cocaine for me is the big cause, it takes away the users soul, makes them think they can go on acting acting like their in their twenties well in to their forties and beyond with out any side effects.

    I left her, after she made up a load of lies about me stalking her, and asked her drug dealer friends to send me death threats, based on lies.

    Good luck with your situation, but some people are beyond help.

    • You said cocaine takes away their soul. Can you describe her behavior that made it seem like she had no soul. My husband has become very abusive. He’s also downright cruel to me emotionally and it seems he is not just breaking my heart but crushing my soul and doesn’t care. He’s so cold hearted. He doesn’t seem to have any feelings at all anymore.

      I found out that he’s been using cocaine for the last 5-6 yrs. Can you tell me what she did that made you think of no soul? I’m curious if it’s similar to him. He’s done a lot of stuff but didn’t write it all down.

      • Hi Jo,

        The soullessness the above individual was talking about is their quick ability to change. They run hot to cold about everything and quickly. If you look into their eyes you see nothing. They claim to love us, but that’s a contradiction to their actions. The depreciation of whom you are, like, love, desires, intimacy, and self love are constant. It’s anything to keep you in agony and then to chase them to get them to return to the other person. You are dealing with a representative and the beast. The rep is the guy you met and agreed to marry in spite of some of his weirdness. The soulless vessel can now wreak havoc on your mind, sanity, body, energy, etc. you are a drug to him also. Your need to fix, do better, be better. I hope this helps.

  • I’m with someone who I know is doing coke and is an alcoholic he can never save a dime I cancel the wedding a couple months before because he is very mean yet I stayed with him still ten years and I am now trying to get out . He calls me a loser thinks I’m having sex with everyone reminds me I have no friends an my family including my son does not want to be around me me. I’m trying to leave but everything is money I have moved out from him with him staying at my place because he had no where to go. I’m losing my friends an my family . I need to save money because I keep losing money from losing security for him breaking things . Until I leave I’m afraid of what might happen any thoughts???

  • >