Narcissists want you to exist in their life as nothing but a silent servant.
You are supposed to think and feel how they want you to, and all the while you comply, you’re doing the best job you can.
Victims thrive on pleasing, and that’s why this dynamic works like it does.
But wait. Why don’t you become a threat to them?
That way, you’ll see the mask slip, and understand the true face that they show you.
Here is the exact moment that can happen.
#1 Narcissists love you when…
From your experience, what do you think is the best time for a narcissist to love you?
It’s not when you’re being successful, or being a strong source of support. It’s not when you’re laughing together and living life to the full.
It’s when you’re useful. It’s when you stop everything you’re doing to admire them, and let them know that’s what you’re doing.
When you agree, you’re loved. When you comply and follow the rules, their moods often lay dormant because you’re not questioning them.
If you can see the conditions behind this type of approach to a relationship, then you will understand how easy it is to slip up and become their worst nightmare…
…Then they become yours.
When you’re small and predictable, they’re happy. When you grow and reveal a side to you that wants to preserve your dignity; it’s all change.
#2 All is going well, nothing to see
So, what does a relationship with a narcissist look like when all is going well?
It’s smooth. Arguments occur, sure, but they’re rare, and tension quickly fades if you surrender and say you’re sorry.
“We seem to have turned a corner,” you might think. Have you, though? It’s unlikely, as it seems the relationship is only afloat because you’re doing as you’re told.
Aligning with a narcissist means you’re living for pleasing them, without considering what that might mean for you personally.
There’s not going to be a threat all the while you are ensuring their happiness by erasing your own.
It might feel good, but that’s because nothing is being challenged, and the narcissist’s mask can stay firmly on.
#3 When the threat begins
Threats never bound into the relationships announcing their presence.
They appear when you start to speak up, or set a boundary the narcissist hasn’t seen before and wasn’t expecting.
If you trust your instincts, you may want to voice them. That’s okay. It’s what we should all be doing in our relationships, but a narcissist will never allow those things.
The wanting approval stops. You don’t chase it because you don’t need it. You stop shrinking and start to grow into your own light once more.
Then…
…The shift occurs.
That’s not because you did anything wrong, but because you changed something that was waiting to be released from inside of you.
Courage.
Once the narcissist sees this side of you, they know it’s game over.
#4 Watching the narcissist turn
It’s always so subtle that you can never fully place it, but there will be signs. Let’s take a look at them.
Less patience. Without a doubt, you will notice the narcissist becoming less and less tolerant of you, and patient of situations that arise.
More irritations. This is due to the control literally slipping away from them in real time.
Like sand through their fingers, they can do very little to stop you once they know you are all about the growth away from their control.
They become cold. Seeing as you’re a threat to them, they will punish you by pulling away emotionally.
They hope it makes you run back to them, but with any sense, you won’t.
Narcissists can also double down on their criticism of you, wanting to break what you’re trying to fix immediately.
It won’t work though, right? Because you are too above and beyond their tricks by now!
It really is a delight to watch the narcissist turn. Their world implodes, and all because you are remembering who you are.
#5 The true face awakens
Let;s start with anger. I feel like that’s the most obvious place a narcissist themselves would start.
They will take their anger out on you and try to show you that there are consequences for becoming this threat.
You are no longer complying, so you must see their true face behind that mask.
The face that barely anybody gets to see.
The face that they want to use to threaten you with.
You no longer qualify for the tame version of themselves, but that shouldn’t mean you have to put up with this version.
#6 Your confidence becomes a big problem
I think it’s the main thing about another person that puts the nerves right into a narcissist.
Confidence.
And confidence doesn’t have to be loud or obvious, it just has to be consistent and steady.
It comes in how you trust yourself, and how you don’t overreact. You don’t need or seek reassurance, and you’re okay with that.
This is what terrifies a narcissist, and is a real threat to their dominance.
Confident people don’t chase or beg people, and they don’t shrivel up and do as they’re told either.
Ignoring those subtle digs and continuing to do what you truly believe in is how you undermine their power.
It’s about time the tables turned, don’t you think?
Confidence should be celebrated, not torn up into pieces.
#7 Seeing through them: you’re the biggest threat
The biggest threat you can offer the narcissist is your clarity, and that’s the turning point for all other behaviors by you to follow.
When you start seeing patterns, and understanding that their perceived love was never actually that at all, you can’t unsee it.
You are now able to predict their reactions and that opens your world up to stop internalizing the blame you once would have kept locked up inside of you.
There’s no more confusion, and no amount of gaslighting will get you back there.
You see through the narcissist, and you become their biggest threat.
Will you expose them?
Will you mirror their behavior back to them?
Will you hold them accountable? Do you have proof?
The paranoid narcissist panics, and they know what a threat you are to their image and reputation.
#8 The choice is yours!
This is your official crossroads. Do you keep going, or do you revert back and tell the narcissist you were having a crazy five minutes?
You can appease them and continue the miserable life you’ve been living thus far, or, you can choose yourself.
I know choosing yourself may seem far out of your comfort zone, and for somebody who was taught they weren’t deserving, a little uncomfortable.
I don’t think you need to worry about that any more.
Now’s your time to gladly own the position of biggest threat to the narcissist, because with that comes power only you can control for once.
You existed before them, and you can certainly exist long after they’ve gone.
