When night rolls around, all you want is to shut your eyes and rest. I get it. Days can be long, and what can make them even longer is being in the presence of a narcissist.
You’re done hearing them whinge and whine, and you just long to catch those Zzz’s.
So how do you do it? What’s the secret?
Before they strip you of your sanity completely, let’s look at the last thing you should ever say to a narcissist at night.
This is where your line is drawn!
The Day Passes
I don’t want to assume that I know what your day in particular is like with the narcissist you know. I’d hazard a guess that these words might just sum it up:
Stressful.
Long.
Tiring.
Emotional.
Empty.
Hopeful.
Sad.
Anxious.
Depressive.
You get to the end of the day and you think to yourself, “Well, there goes another one.”
What mood was the narcissist in? Did they enter one of their more chilled days, or was their moodiness out of control?
Like many victims of narcissistic abuse, if it were more chilled, did that only worry you into thinking it was the calm before the storm?
Wanting Peace
There is no peace when a narcissist is around. They make sure they create an argument, or a stressful situation that you long to escape from, but can’t.
So, the clock ticks around to bedtime, and finally the moment you are waiting for comes.
You turn to the narcissist, and you see it in their eyes.
They don’t want to sleep. They want to stay up going over and over things that don’t matter, or that you know they’ve imagined.
You surely can’t be the only one tired, yet they don’t quit.
So what do you do? What do you say?
How do you get your sleep and know they are finally going to stop bothering you?
“I’m Not Talking Any More. I’ll Speak Again Tomorrow”
I know you think this may not be effective, but the effectiveness comes from you keeping to your word here, and not letting them get you out of it.
They can try all they want, but without your input, they’re not really going to be able to argue if you’re rolling over and going to sleep, are they?
Letting the narcissist know that the line has been drawn will give you the peace you deserve.
And they can shout and provoke you as much as they want. If you switch off, they have nowhere to go.
Shutting Them Down
It’s not easy shutting down a narcissist. The last thing you want to do is be rude, or aggressive.
That almost always ends in disaster as what you’re actually doing is making it all much worse for yourself.
There are ways, and while they may not be obvious to you, they’re always out there.
The thing to remember is that narcissists want to be in control. They get a kick out of it, and love it when they know they’ve played you for a fool.
Telling them that that’s it, and that you’re going to sleep, what can they do?
It totally takes away their need to be in charge, whether they like it or not.
Refusing to be Drawn In
When you refuse to be drawn in, you get to empower yourself with the reality that you can have things your way.
You can have a say in how your day ends. You can put your foot down and decide that enough is enough.
It’s my understanding from all the years I’ve studied narcissism and listened to the accounts of many victims of narcissistic abuse that all narcissists love to punish.
And yes, that punishment can look like the usual silent treatment, or yelling, or guilt trips, or gaslighting, or further isolation.
But you know what else? And people tend to forget this one:
Narcissists can punish you by taking away your sleep.
Sleep is so important! We all need it, even the narcissist! But they would rather take away an hour, or two, or three, or more from you if it means holding onto an argument they won’t let go of.
Sure, they can let go. You just say you’ll talk about it tomorrow and agree to get some shut eye.
But no.
It can continue through and well into the night if they had their way. After all, the dark of the night adds drama to absolutely everything, doesn’t it?
Including wanting to draw out negativity.
So, how about it?
Refuse to be drawn in.
Your Time is Precious
What do you have planned tomorrow? What’s the schedule for you? Have you got an early start?
A long day at work? An important course or exam you have to sit to keep your work files up to date?
It won’t matter at all to the narcissist, but for you, your time is precious and it matters to you.
I want you to be able to fully understand that because not many victims of narcissistic abuse are used to putting themselves first.
They will stay up and give the narcissist what they want.
The talk.
The time.
The platform.
But what happens the next morning, when brain fog and tiredness take over?
If you’re not feeling refreshed, then you’re even more vulnerable to the narcissist’s control and manipulation than before.
Loving Being in Control
It all boils down to how much they can control you. The more, the better, and I am really not okay with it. I’ve spoken to hundreds of people who have been affected by narcissists. They all say the same thing:
(The narcissist’s name) just loves to be in control.
No matter what the situation, the control has to be alive and kicking.
It eats into everyday life, doesn’t it? Beyond that, it also eats into night time.
I see a common thread with victims post-break up with a narcissist, and that’s trouble sleeping. We explore it together, and it always boils down to the same thing:
Their nervous systems are completely dysregulated. They’re on high alert, all the time, for anything and everything.
They can’t relax, and when they do, they’re awake an hour later with a racing heart.
There’s nothing wrong with you, other than being subjected to narcissism for far too long. And as soon as they get out of it, the time comes where they get to heal.
You can be the same. No person should be keeping you awake at night, wanting to steal more of your sanity.
