We can all snap from time to time, but the narcissist snapping is a whole different ball game.
It’s unpleasant, it’s unexpected, it leaves a mark, and narcissists never forget why they snapped.
Nine times out of ten, they will blame youas the reason why they snapped.
Of course, you probably did something, but before you lose sleep blaming yourself, let’s look at what it was, and why it’s never what you think.
#1 Before we get started, let’s discuss blame
Whatever it was you did, it wasn’t your fault! This is not an opportunity to blame you for something and sound just like the narcissist does when they yell at you for being problematic.
This is far more about goodness being a fundamental issue of the narcissist, and that has nothing to do with you.
They just don’t know what it means to be good, and because you do, they hate it about you.
#2 The narcissistic personality
The narcissistic personality is formed like the world’s worst recipe.
200g silent treatment.
5 teaspoons of rage.
1 cup of full fat criticism.
250ml entitlement.
1kg ego.
A dash of grandiosity and arrogance.
A sprig of control.
350g manipulation.
25g jealousy.
What you get after a quick bake is one of the most abusive people you’ll ever have the displeasure of meeting.
Their fuse is short, but only when it comes to you, and only behind closed doors.
You do everything you can to keep them in a good mood, but you learn that nothing you do is good enough.
That’s not because nothing you do is good enough, but it has more to do with the fact that they will never be satisfied.
You could offer them a million bucks and a lifetime supply of ice-cream, and they will still find fault with you.
Why isn’t it two million?
Why didn’t you give me chocolate?
#3 When they snap
When a narcissist snaps, you’ll wish you weren’t anywhere near them. You will hate the atmosphere.
You will loathe yourself. You will wish you could turn back time and try to make it so the narcissist stayed in a good mood.
Let me tell you here though:
If the narcissist plans on snapping, they will find whatever they can to make it happen.
You won’t have the power to change it.
The narcissist yells. They scream at you for always being a problem.
They tell you everything that is wrong with you. They may even become physical, pushing you or cornering you as their voice gets louder and louder.
And that moment? It’s made up of one, some, or all of the following:
- You’re asking questions that make them uncomfortable. Maybe it’s about the future of your relationship, or when you are going to go on that vacation they promised to book with you. Perhaps it has something to do with where they were late last night, or why they have two phones. They hate it, and feel cornered. So they snap.
- They had a bad day and want somebody to take it out on.
- You’re doing something good with your life, or you had a great day and they want to sabotage it.
- An important event is coming up, and they want to throw a spanner in the works by making you dread said event.
- You feel good. It’s been a while since they snapped, and you’re becoming too comfortable in the security of calm. So just for the sake of it, the narcissist creates drama from nothing.
#4 Using that moment to awaken your senses
At the time, you might see the snapping behavior of the narcissist as your own fault.
Oh my God, why do I always annoy them?
I’ll just keep quiet from now on.
I am just the most impossible person.
I need to make it up to them.
Why am I such an idiot?
These thoughts are a reaction to what the narcissist is showing you, and the only way you can reverse them and see the truth is by stepping back and watching the narcissist all the time.
Get to know their habits and just how abusive they have the potential to be, and you will see the real them unfold before your eyes.
Now is a good time to say:
As soon as you begin awakening, you won’t be able to go back to sleep.
#5 Let’s break it down: what you did
This is the part that may shock you the most:
You did nothing.
I say nothing, you obviously did something, but that something wasn’t wrong, or bad, or negative, or abusive, or unkind.
If a narcissist is snapping at you, it’s because of something amongst the following:
- You are expressing too much happiness
- You’re too confident
- You are excited about something
- The narcissist is bored
- You passed a test or got a fantastic new job
- You defied them and did what you wanted to do anyway
- You laughed at them
- You spoke too long to their work colleague at the party, and now they’re jealous
You see a pattern here? You might do things, but they don’t warrant rage, snapping, or cruel reactions from the narcissist.
Unfortunately for you, the narcissist is dysregulated to the point where they are childlike, and they can’t handle seeing you thrive.
#6 Using their reaction to see the truth
The narcissist’s reaction to something good that you are doing or experiencing tells you so much more about them than it does you.
For example, you might be quick to apologize. But what you’re saying is:
I am so sorry that I dared make myself bigger just for a moment.
I lost myself in my own happiness and forgot to pay you attention.
I am sorry I answered back and disagreed with you. It won’t happen again.
Now, ask yourself what am I doing?! There should be no apologies from the victim when it comes to narcissistic abuse!
When a narcissist snaps, you are witnessing a reaction to the truth, and that truth for them, is a hard pill to swallow.
That truth is:
You are bright by nature, and they are bright by theft of your light.
#7 Knowing what comes next
It’s the age-old issue all victims of narcissistic abuse have.
Do you stay, knowing things will always be worse for you?
Do you stay, knowing every time you’re happy, or smile, or love life a little bit, you will be snapped at? Do you stay, knowing you can’t do anything right by them?
Do you stay knowing you have to constantly make yourself smaller for somebody who will never and has never appreciated you?
What comes next is up to you.
The exact moment a narcissist snaps is when they’re confronted with a truth they cannot stand.
That truth can be your happiness, a talent you have, the money you earn, the friend you made, the comment you made that hit a nerve in them, or simply breathing in the wrong way.
Do you want to spend your life with somebody so controlling?
Get out while you still have a life to live.
