Only a part of narcissistic abuse is about the words that fall out of the narcissist’s mouth.
Sure, those words cut, hurt, and stick. They are damaging beyond comprehension, and to victims, those words commonly become their own inner voice and critic.
But what about sounds? Where no words, in the eyes of the narcissist, are needed?
When you think no wound could cut more deeply than it already has, you hear these certain sounds, and you instantly feel the effects like real, physical pain running through your body?
These sounds are full of disrespect, and I want to tell you why they hurt more than any words could.
1 The sigh
We all know how dismissive a sigh is, and it’s no different when it falls out of the narcissist’s mouth. In fact, a sigh can be quite triggering for a person who has to receive it.
You can feel like you’re nothing but a pain in the ass, or that you can’t do anything right. Sighs make a person seem fed up, and if you’re getting it, then it’s no wonder you think they’re fed up with you.
When a noise like this occurs with no words accompanying it, it can cut like a knife. Those kinds of wounds are never healed or justified. A sigh along with, “I have just had a really long day, I don’t mean to sound so resigned,” would clear you from any guilt or blame that you would otherwise shoulder and carry.
And you will if you hear sighs regularly.
2 The tut
What did you do wrong this time? Why are they tutting as they’re eating the meal you cooked? Did you forget onions again? Is it too spicy?
You just can’t tell, because there’s nothing else coming.
The narcissist opens the cupboards and drawers, tutting. Are they looking for something? Did you not pick up enough groceries? Did their favorite snack run out that you didn’t notice?
Heightened anxiety will come from hearing regularly tutting, and the narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing here. They think a sound can send you spiralling, and it will if done correctly.
What happens though, is that you are left to interpret the tut as something that you’ve done wrong, when in actual fact, the narcissist is just using it as a weapon to hurt you.
3 The scoff
The scoff usually sounds out like a siren when you are telling the narcissist something good about your day, your life, or an achievement.
You have a thought that you wanted to share, or an opinion they will inevitably disagree with, and the only way they can safely put you back in your place in an instant is by scoffing.
The scoff makes you sound ridiculous. It gives off the impression that you don’t know what you’re talking about, or that your thoughts are somehow not even worth discussing in further detail.
Heaven forbid you get a congratulations. The narcissist doesn’t want to offer anything positive your way, and just wants to corner you and make you look like a fool.
The scoff will do that.
4 The grunt
Is there a worse way to know that somebody you’re talking to isn’t in the slightest bit interested in what you have to say?
The grunt usually means that they’re responding for the sake of you thinking they care, but it couldn’t be further from the truth.
5 The clearing of the throat
While we can all clear our throat from time to time, narcissists have this knack for timing when they do it. I mean this with all my heart: if you know, you know.
You’re standing in the kitchen talking about something important. You really want the narcissist’s full attention, but for some reason, they have decided to stand there and clear their throat. Not just a little bit, but a lot.
You’re on the phone to your boss. They’ve called to ask for an update on that latest project out of hours, and it stressed you out.
To add to that stress, the narcissist insists on standing in the background, clearing their throat purposely loud.
No words are needed for this, and you can look at them with your annoyed eyes, but they won’t get the message, in fact, your look is a little supply for them as they know they will have got to you.
Disrespectful? More than a little!
6 The happy humming
You’re going through a lot, and you’ve had a bad day that’s about to get so much worse…
…The narcissist decides to hover around you at home, following you while humming their favorite (or your worst) song. In fact, the worse you feel, or the worse your day, the louder and more prolonged their humming is.
This is beyond disrespectful. It’s saying, “I can see you’re having a rough time, and it’s my aim to make it hundred times worse for you, by not actually overtly doing anything horrible.”
What? I’m just humming. It’s not my fault, I can’t get the song out of my head. I’m hardly bing mean, am I? It’s just a song.
We know exactly what you’re doing. It’s a form of mockery, and the kind that any victim would struggle to cope with when it happens.
7 The whistling
Narcissists have a habit of walking around their house, whistling. It’s like humming, but more in your face, and can have the ability to cut through you like a gust of freezing wind.
What is it even about, when they want to look like they’re having such a chipper day that they will whistle, whether they are in the shower, taking the trash out, or fixing that radiator?
It’s a sign that they want to dominate, without telling you that’s their aim. Narcissists love to make it look as though they’re carefree in nature, loving every minute of life, and you just have to deal with it.
Whistling works better for them here than any words, because it can continue all day without any word being spoken.
8 The growl
You ask them a simple question…
Could you sort the trash out? Can I ask you to look at the sink, I think it’s blocked? I really need your help with something, if you don’t mind?
Except they do mind. They always mind. And so you get the growl, as if they’ve just turned into a wild dog being cornered in a park. Like all sounds a narcissist is capable of making, they want to make the most impact with the least amount of words.
Expressing to you that they just can’t tolerate your requests is sent through that growl, and I honestly think it’s supposed to be the most intimidating sound of all, but yes, it’s also more than disrespectful.
You’re supposed to work together in your relationship, but when you’re met with such hostility, it’s easy to see why victims back off and try to take on as much as possible on their own. For them, it’s easier than having to deal with the repercussions of requests.
