There’s always a little fun to be had when you throw an innocent comeback to a narcissist when they’re trying to goad you yet again.
You’re sick of it, and you should be. They’re relentless, but it doesn’t have to end in a way that you feel out of control.
So what better way to make them loathe you entirely? See the Grinch in them rise when you fire back with one of these 12 simple phrases. Suddenly, you’re the one with the power!
Taking Them By Surprise
Your time with the narcissist has worked one way so far, hasn’t it?
They speak, you listen. They criticize, you absorb. They yell, you shrink. They ignore, you beg. They cast, you bite. What if it was different from here on out?
What if you stood up a little taller and came back with comments that were fit for your own defence?
It’s something to think about, especially seeing as the narcissist spends so much time vying for your supply. Your lack of confidence makes them feel superior, and your obedience asserts their power.
Until now, that is…
#1 That’s Your Opinion
Isn’t it quite something to acknowledge in the moment that you and the narcissist have differing opinions? Is it not fair to audibly reaffirm that your opinion is not the same, and that you won’t budge on it?
All too often you’ll hear of victims who cave and accept the narcissist’s opinion as their own.
Convinced that they’re wrong or imagining things, they surrender their ability to think for themselves.
So to make them mad, yes, speak up. Tell them in no uncertain terms that yes, that’s their opinion (which they are entitled to), but highlight it in a way that separates theirs from yours.
#2 I’ll Think About it
Wait, what did you say? You’re going to think? Narcissists don’t want you to think!
You’re sending very strong signals that you’re an independent thinker to them, you may as well be ringing a warning alarm directly into their ears!
They will hate you taking the time to think. You’re supposed to just say yes whenever they ask something of you, instead of stepping back and weighing up your options or what’s best.
Thinking will only mean that you may eventually say… I can’t even write it without laughing… no.
But you know what? You have to use this phrase, even if they do hate it. Don’t let their power win and drag you down.
Saying yes will just mean they are still great at manipulating you.
#3 I’m Not Discussing This
Good for you! Shut the narcissist down by telling them the conversation is over, plus reminding them that you are not going to partake in what they’re goading you into.
You shouldn’t have to, but we all know they do it for a reaction. They want to see you squirm and shift in their conflict, like you perhaps always have done.
Now you get to be the one who says, “I’m not going there.” And that’s a strong boundary to have that you cannot give up.
Will they hate it? Of course! They don’t want you to shut them down and take their power away. That’s their job to do to you!
But all it takes to gain a little self-esteem back is to remind yourself that you’re stronger than you think.
#4 That Doesn’t Work For Me
Not everything should work for you, you’re human!
What the narcissist needs to learn is to accept that, no questions asked. Respect, compromise, honesty, understanding, compassion, connection – these are the fundamental aspects of a thriving relationship.
If you’re not seeing that, you’re certainly not going to see it in an argument.
In fact, they will hate it if you come back with a phrase like this. You’re rooted to your opinions and values, and you’re not budging for them.
Whatever they’re asking, instead of going along with it to the detriment of yourself, you’re saying no. And that’s what you should be doing, it’s what we should all be doing!
#5 I Hear You
Wait, what? Is that it?
What can they even say to that?
It’s kind of got a nice tone to it, but equally, now what? You can hear somebody without necessarily agreeing with or bowing down to them, can’t you?
Yes, you can. The narcissist will hate the confusion of feeling heard yet not actually seeing any action from what they’re saying happening.
But you say it anyway, because you’re all about the empowering comebacks!
#6 That Doesn’t Work For Me
Yeah, hearing a request and knowing it’s not right for you leaves you wide open to be able to say:
Nope. Not going to happen.
And I’d high five you if you did and I was close by! Narcissists expect everybody to follow them in line, like they’re some kind of pied piper, but no.
That’s where you have to decide for yourself what’s important to you. If losing yourself to the tune they’re whistling is going to erode your identity, then block your ears and find your own tune.
#7 Interesting Perspective You Have
I laughed when I wrote this title, because it’s just such a backhanded way to say that you think they’re crazy.
And they will know it, too. You’re listening to them and it’s going in one ear and out the other.
You don’t have time to even disagree, so you almost approach them with a dry sarcasm that they will hate.
But who cares, right?
You’ve got your views, and they have theirs.
#8 It’s Not For Me
Way to go!
It doesn’t have to be for you, either!
You know what you’re doing here? You’re saying, “That’s cool. You can like it and do you. But for me personally, not so much.”
It’s full of respect, something a narcissist just doesn’t possess. They can’t be that diplomatic, it’s not in their wiring. But you? You get that choice. And I’m so pleased you do.
So make their skin crawl by being kind – it’s the best revenge and comeback!
#9 Your Opinion is as Valid as Mine
Speak it louder for those who can’t hear you at the back, because this is real learning in real time!
Opinions are allowed for every single person on the planet. We are all allowed them and we don’t have to listen and adhere to what the narcissist believes.
The best part is, you get to remind them in a comeback, and they will really loathe you for doing it.
So what? You’re right, aren’t you? Yes!
#10 Noted
Noted. Yeah, sure. I’ll keep a record of what you instructed me or told me to do or not do.
I promise I’ll add it to the list of others things you’ve said to try to assert control and boss me about.
What a shutdown, though. Just when the narcissist thought they could goad you into some kind of back and forth verbal exchange, you’re just shutting the whole thing down and shrugging.
Yep, alright. Next.
#11 Okay
Indifferent, gray rocking, shrugging through the chaos, that’s one way to get them to feel ruffled by your calmness.
If they’re tearing up their day to you expecting you to agree with them or fall over yourself to make it better, saying something as bland as okay will totally throw them, and not in a good way!
It may not seem like a comeback, but it’s actually perfect.
#12 I Prefer Something Else
Yes! Opinions are everybody’s to own, and just because the narcissist wants it a certain way, doesn’t mean you have to just keep nodding like their puppy and saying, “Sure, okay.”
The narcissist will not like it. You’re refusing to hand your power to them, but you know what? That’s when you can determine who is good and who is toxic.
It’s a pretty easy test to put on a person who has a history of playing up!
