When you leave a narcissist it feels like you’re looking at a hopeful, bright and fun future.
You can’t wait to shed the layers of toxicity that have been wrapped around you all this time, and I don’t blame you!
Let’s get one fundamental thing clear though, you won’t get out without one last “ouch.”
As you decide to walk away, the pain that hits you will be what they deem deserving. But we know it’s not, right?
Let’s check out 10 things narcissists do to hurt you after you leave them.
#1 Your name became trash
Your name isn’t what it used to be. It used to symbolize unity, some kind of couple that works in the eyes of the public.
You are agreeable, and they are the one who pulls all the strings. To others, you’re great together.
They don’t see power or control, they see two people who somehow mesh together and make everybody jealous.
If you’re upping and leaving, prepare for this dynamic to totally shift. You’ll be blamed, shamed and everything else that goes along with it.
They treated me so terribly.
I couldn’t do anything right by them.
They tried to control what I did, who I saw, what I wore.
Nothing was ever good enough.
Their moods became out of control.
And trust me when I say that narcissists will get in there before you do.
They will have it all planned out, and your name will circle and give off such negative vibes that you won’t even know where to start with defending yourself.
That’s the natural reaction for a lot of real victims of narcissistic abuse.
They want justice, so defending their name will become their priority. All that does is make you look guilty by default. The right people will stick by you.
#2 They fake joy
Hey! Freedom!
Thank God!
I can do what I want again!
I am so happy to be free from the rules and regulations!
The narcissist will paint a smile on, knowing that everybody is watching their every move.
They don’t want to look hurt, or that somebody has done them wrong. And you leaving has the potential to do both to them, so they need to be a step ahead of the game and save face.
It’s the only thing that will keep their perfectly hard image from crumbling in front of the very audience they’re constantly trying to impress.
So, the joy is faked.
I’m fine!
Couldn’t be better.
Everything is working out.
I feel relieved.
Hmmm. We beg to differ.
#3 They flaunt someone new
It’s never long before the narcissist brings a new flame into the fold. They have to, because they can’t go long without needing that new source of supply.
If they aren’t getting it from you, they need to work their way down the list and find somebody willing.
So that’s where they flaunt them, like they were the best thing since sliced bread.
And you know what? Let them. Eventually that will come crashing down, too.
#4 They stalk you online
Going online and watching your every move is pretty common for a narcissist who has been left high and dry.
Remember they’re dealing with their top fear – abandonment. You’ve officially done the worst thing that could happen to them, and they’re reeling from it.
They want to know why you left, what you’re doing, how you’re coping, who you’re with; all of it.
Stalking you online gives them all of that plus more. It gives them the power to know that they’re still somehow in york ife, even if you don’t notice it. And they will cling to whatever power they can get.
#5 Victim time!
It’s just like the narcissist to act like they were wronged by you. It’s even just like them to say things like, “They know I have health issues, and they still put me through all of this.”
Whatever they can fall victim to, they will use against you as you walk out the door.
Nevermind the fact that you’ve had enough of the years of actual abuse and want to leave to save your sanity.
Narcissists love to make it about them and ensure that if there’s blame, it’s going to fall onto you to receive it.
#6 They mirror your healing
Oh, you’re healing from it all are you? Well so is the narcissist. In fact, they just booked themselves into a retreat so they can really reflect on the relationship and find inner peace again.
Pass me the sick bucket.
It’s fine to search for inner peace, but the idea of a narcissist doing that just makes me feel physically.
Sick. They don’t know the first thing about inner peace. Why would they when all they intend on doing is making the lives of everybody else miserable?
They just want to look like they feel things. Hence the healing from those things.
Whatever.
#7 They bait you back in
You know what’s worked previously, don’t you? That’s why they’re walking toward you with that luring offer of a make-up vacation.
That’s why they got tickets to your favorite show or band that they are asking you to go with them to.
To be baited bak in is your call. You can either see it for the manipulation that it truly is, or you can decide to leave it all behind and start your life over.
I know the right choice, do you?
#8 Boundary testing
They know you have never had much success implementing your boundaries in the past, so what is the difference now?
The difference should be that you have learned the hard way and are now much stronger.
Don’t expect the narcissist to be aware of that as they try to impose themselves upon you, not listening when you say no, and pushing until you crack.
They still feel entitled, and that’s the worst part of it all.
#9 Mutual friends turn against you
It is painful to see the people you thought you could trust turn against you after you’ve left the narcissist.
Somewhere along the line they’ve learned to believe whatever words fall out of the narcissist’s mouth, and sadly, you have to let them go with it.
If they were your real friends, they’d be giving you the benefit of the doubt. If they can’t do that, then they weren’t really your friends in the first place.
#10 They tell you they never even loved you
It hurts to hear this kind of thing, but actually, they’re being honest here.
It’s good to hear it in a way because only then can you really push forward, knowing your relationship was based on nothing but lies.
It always hurts to know that the person you loved never felt the same. You were truly living with a stranger all that time.
But now, where you stand is at the bottom of the next adventure you’re about to have. And that is going to be without the narcissist this time.
Remember, the narcissist wants to hurt you after you leave. It is up to you to stay strong and heal in your own time and space.
