99 Funny and Flirty Text Messages to Make Him Obsess Over You

Last Updated on February 8, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

Do you want to learn the best text messages to make him obsess over you?

We live in a great time. Communication has never been easier. Getting in touch with people on the other side of the world, in real-time, is often just a matter of writing a text message on your phone. No other generation in human history had that kind of power.

And yet so many women ignore it. Or worse, they don’t even know about the power of texting. They take it for granted, and they don’t even consider using it to text men.

And as a result, their love lives are much less successful and satisfying than they want it to be.

Don’t you make that mistake! This article will give you not one, not two, but 99 funny and flirting text messages to make him obsess over you—whoever he might be for you.

Use them or edit them, or don’t use them at all—what you do after reading this article is totally up to you. And yet, with the power of texting in the palm of your hands, isn’t it better to have the ability to make men think about you when you need it?

The 3 Secrets of What to Text a Guy to Make Him Want You

Before we get to the text messages, let me give you a few eye-openers. These are some insider secrets about texting men you’d normally learn after several months—or even years—of trying.

These lessons may seem simple and obvious, but they’re so powerful you can’t afford not to know them. Attracting men and starting the kinds of relationships you want will be ten times easier when you understand these first.

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So let me save a few years of your life by telling you these three secrets upfront:

The 3 Secrets of What to Text a Guy to Make Him Want You

#1: It’s Not What You Text—It’s How Your Text Makes Him Feel

Most times, the texts that will make him want you, have fewer than 10 words. One-liners (or two-liners) are more powerful in triggering a man’s imagination than long-winded conversations over text.

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That’s the reason most of the 99 text messages you’re about to learn are short, sweet one-liners. And yet each one has the potential to make him think of you for at least a few hours.

And here’s a corollary secret: The more you occupy his mind, the more he feels the romantic feelings for you. That’s something you can definitely use to your advantage.

#2: Your Biggest Enemy is Neediness

That is, you don’t want to be the one getting obsessed instead of the guys you text.

Are you needy? Here’s a quick way to find out: Are you scared of getting rejected? Does the idea of texting a guy to make him think of you—only to have him say he’s not interested or accuse you of being thirsty—scare you?

If you answered “yes” to any of the questions, then yes—I’m afraid you’re needier than you should be.

The solution is simple, though. Simply text more than one guy. I’m sure you fancy at least a few different men in your life, and if you text all of them at least once each, you’ll realize some of them are just as interested—if not more so—in a relationship of some sort.

And when you find them, the ones who are not interested won’t bother you one bit!

#3: Men are Simple.

Have you heard of the wise old saying? “Men are simple. All it takes to make him happy is to show up naked and bring beer.”

Of course, I’m not saying you should do exactly that, but what you should do is to not overthink about guys.

Men—or the real ones, at least—are comfortable with the idea of dating, relationships, and sex. They’re careful not to cross the line with a woman, but they’ll explore how far they can go with her. And when there’s no relationship to be had, they’ll be cordial about it, thank you for your time, and move right on with their lives.

And that’s the hidden power behind the 99 text messages you’re about to learn. Not only will they make the guys obsess over you, but they’ll also separate the real men from the little boys. You can judge which is which by how they reply.

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So are you ready? Let’s start with the first category of text messages—the flirty ones.

Later, we’ll cover funny messages, and later yet, sweet messages. (If you’re already in a relationship, I strongly suggest you skip straight to the sweet texts.)

All three categories serve a distinct purpose, so get familiar with all of them. That way, you’ll have a text message to send any guy at any time, and for any occasion.

33 Flirty Text Messages to Make Him Obsess Over You

So when should you be flirty? It’s when you know there’s the spark of chemistry between you and the guy you want to text. You might have just met, or you might have already had coffee together once or twice, or you might have already gone on a few dates.

In all these cases, there’s no denying it—there’s something between you. And that’s when a flirty text message fits the bill perfectly.

33 Flirty Text Messages to Make Him Obsess Over You

Here are the 33 flirty text messages you can use to make him obsess over you:

  1. “You’d be such a great catch.”
  2. “My friends hate me for having you.”
  3. “My coworkers are asking why I smile at work so much. Can I tell them it’s because of you?”
  4. “One in a million, you are.”
  5. “I told my friends about you.”
  6. “You look hot.”
  7. “I love how you’re so confident and decisive.”
  8. “You’re so hard to resist.”
  9. “You’re such a manly man.”
  10. “You’re so sweet. Not like most men I know.”
  11. “Netflix and chill?”
  12. “Guess what I’d do if you were here with me right now.”
  13. “I want you.”
  14. “Good night. Although if we were beside each other right now, I think we won’t be sleeping.”
  15. “You can come over on one condition. Don’t tell anyone.”
  16. “Is it okay if a woman made the first move with you?”
  17. “I like the idea of waking up beside you every day.”
  18. “Can you help me with something? I’ll make it worth your while.”
  19. “I’m sore all over. Can you give me a massage?”
  20. “Let’s skip work and just lay in bed all day tomorrow.”
  21. “I had a tough day too. Want a long shower with me?”
  22. “Are you bored? Come over.”
  23. “I can’t stop thinking of how you kissed me last night. I can’t get over it.”
  24. “It’s cuddle weather.”
  25. “It was so hot last night I slept naked.”
  26. “What’s your favorite coffee? Just so I know what to prepare the morning after.”
  27. “I’ve been thinking of you all day. Guess what I’m imagining.”
  28. “I can’t show you the new underwear I bought.”
  29. “Let’s watch something scary tonight. You can keep me safe and warm.”
  30. “If you were alone with me right now, what would you do to me?”
  31. “You, me, pizza, beer, my place, tonight.”
  32. “You’ve been on my mind all day.”
  33. “Can you be my dessert tonight?”

There you have it—33 flirty text messages you can use in a pinch. Did you want to learn how to make a guy crazy about you over text? You just learned 33 ways. (You might want to bookmark this page as a cheat sheet, by the way!)

Of course, you can and should edit the messages if you can make them better. The more personalized the message is (such as when you use inside jokes only you and he know about), the flirtier it gets and the more obsessed he’ll be.

This is a good time to remind you of Secret #2. Your biggest enemy is neediness, so don’t get needy.

If he doesn’t reply, it’s fine. If he just wants to be friends, that’s fine too. And if he wants the same thing you do—great!

Now, what if the 33 flirty texts are a bit too daring for you? Not to worry. The next section’s probably more up your alley…

33 Funny Text Messages That Will Make Him Want You

So when should you be funny when texting a guy? Funny text messages are best used when you’re not sure whether he likes you too or not. He may be a friend, coworker, or cute acquaintance who was a bit shy when you first met.

Or perhaps he said something vague—like he could have hinted that he liked you. You’re unsure what his true feelings are. So how can you tell for sure and make him obsess over you?

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With funny texts, that’s how. Send him one of these and see how he reacts. If he bites and engages with the banter, then maybe he is interested in something more, after all.

33 Funny Text Messages That Will Make Him Want You

Here are 33 Funny text messages that will make him want you:

  1. “I really like your ___.”
  2. “Can you send me a photo of you shirtless? I need it for reasons.”
  3. “You’re nuts. I like how you think.”
  4. “Your dad jokes are so corny. I love it.”
  5. “It’s like you’re photoshopped. I feel so beautiful when I’m next to you.”
  6. “You make that suit look good.”
  7. “What color do you like best? I’m buying new underwear.”
  8. “Stop looking so yummy in your photos. I’m trying to work.”
  9. “What do you want for dinner? Steak, spaghetti, or me?”
  10. “I dreamt about you last night. It was… Naughty.”
  11. “Can I unwrap you under the Christmas tree?”
  12. “My bed’s cold. Wink wink.”
  13. “Sorry to hear you had a tough day. Come over so I can give you a happy ending.”
  14. “I have a surprise for you. It’s wrapped up in my apartment though.”
  15. “What’s your greatest fantasy? I’ll see what I can do.”
  16. “Want to meet up for coffee? Yes, I’m asking you out. Yay me.”
  17. “I’m feeling naughty. And I think it’s your fault.”
  18. “I think I’ll need a lobotomy to get you out of my head.”
  19. “Send me your picture! I need a pick-me-up.”
  20. “You’re my favorite pillow.”
  21. “Why do you keep texting me when I’m thinking of you?”
  22. “You make me feel like a queen. Can I make you feel like a king?”
  23. “You make me think of inappropriate thoughts.”
  24. “If I’m naughty, it’s your fault.”
  25. “I wish I met you sooner. Think of all the craziness we could have done together.”
  26. “I miss you. You’d better be missing me too, or else.”
  27. “You can trust me. Can I trust you, though?”
  28. “Time always flies when I’m with you. Maybe we should share an apartment or something.”
  29. “You’re everything to me. Now say something cheesy back.”
  30. “You make me giggle even when you’re not around. What does that say about you?”
  31. “You make me feel all warm and fuzzy. You’re a romantic comedy.”
  32. “Thanks for being there for me. I’m waiting for your terms and conditions any time now…”
  33. “No one understands me better than you. Either you’re just as crazy or worse.”

Funny texts have a certain advantage over flirty texts, don’t they? They have plausible deniability. That is, a funny text can be interpreted two ways—it could be harmless, or it could be a hint at something naughtier.

That means you keep yourself safe. Let’s say, for example, you met a cute guy whose business is selling bed linens. You can send him Funny Text #45 above: “My bed’s cold. Wink wink.”

Now, three things can happen:

  • If he only sees you as a friend (or potential customer), he might send you a catalogue of his best duvets. (Oh well, you tried.)
  • If he secretly likes you too, he might take the hint and say something like: “If you can wait ‘til after dinner, I can warm it up for you.”)
  • Worst case scenario—if he calls you out or accuses you of being thirsty (or if he says: “Hey, I’m married!” or something), no problem. You can text back: “What? No, I was hoping you’d give me a coupon for one of your duvets!”)

Pretty neat, huh?

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So, you have two choices of how to text a guy—be flirty or be funny.

Now, let’s talk about a special segment: What if you’re lucky enough to have a man in your life? Can you deepen and strengthen your bond through text messaging?

The answer is an enthusiastic “yes,” and here’s why.

33 Sweet Text Messages to Make Him Want You

Make no mistake: Men crave recognition, and your man is no different. The fellas of our generation are starving for validation.

This isn’t them being needy, by the way. Instead, it’s them wincing under how unfairly society tends to treat them these days. Everywhere you look, men are shamed just for being themselves. Think about it: You can’t think of the word “masculinity” without the word “toxic” right behind it.

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That’s why the best text messages for the man in your life are those that contain words of encouragement and appreciation. He needs to know he’s doing a good job, especially in the eyes of the woman he married (or at least wants to someday).

33 Sweet Text Messages to Make Him Want You

So here are 33 sweet text messages that make him love you and want you more:

  1. “I appreciate all you do.”
  2. “I didn’t know you were an expert at ___”
  3. “So how was your trip/meeting/presentation today?”
  4. “I’m proud of how hard you work.”
  5. “You’re so smart. I’m impressed.”
  6. “You always know the right things to say.”
  7. “You’re a good man.”
  8. “You’re really good at what you do.”
  9. “What you did was really thoughtful.”
  10. “That was a smart move.”
  11. “You’re so resourceful. I can’t wait to see the next problem you’ll solve.”
  12. “You’re not judgmental, and that’s why so many people like you.”
  13. “You’re the realest person I know.”
  14. “Thanks for the help today. You really saved my skin!”
  15. “Tell me something you’re NOT good at.”
  16. “I never thought you had it in you.”
  17. “You’re such a blessing.”
  18. “Got space in your week for me?”
  19. “I’ll always be here for you.”
  20. “I loved our date last weekend. I can’t wait to do it again.”
  21. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world.”
  22. “I love you. You know that, right?”
  23. “I still get the butterflies when we’re together.”
  24. “I feel safe when I’m with you.”
  25. “I can’t help falling in love with you.”
  26. “Being with you is like a dream. I don’t want to wake up.”
  27. “I can’t wait to see you again.”
  28. “Let’s have dinner together. My treat.”
  29. “I keep thinking about our first date. Such a happy memory.”
  30. “My heart leaped when I saw your message!”
  31. “There’s no place I’d rather be than in your arms.”
  32. “I love our relationship.”
  33. “Thanks for just being you.”

So, are you in a relationship right now? Pick a text message above that resonates with you and send it to him. You’ll make his day.

The best part? You can send him a sweet text message anytime, anywhere. Send one to him when you think he needs it, or simply to brighten up his day while he’s out and about.

Now, to wrap up, let’s answer a couple of very frequently asked questions:

How Do You Make Him Obsess Over You Through Text?

It all goes back to Secret #1. It’s not what you say in your text message that matters, but how it makes him feel. That’s what pulls the obsession trigger.

What happens when he’s obsessed? He’ll think of you for several hours, maybe even days. If he’s a good guy, he’ll reply and have a short chat with you over text.

Now, if you’re single and looking to mingle, here are two friendly reminders to make the experience even more fun and rewarding.

First, you must know what you want to get out of sending text messages to a guy. Do you want a date with him? Is it a proper relationship you want? Or do you want a hush-hush, no strings attached hookup?

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Here’s why that’s important: He may not want the same thing as you. You might want a proper relationship, but all he’s interested in is a hookup—that won’t be fun.

Or it might be the other way around—you want a hookup, but he wants to be your boyfriend. That won’t be fun, either. You get the idea, right?

So before you text a guy, decide real quick: What kind of relationship do I want with him?

That’s the first reminder. Here’s the second one: He won’t stay obsessed forever.

Your text might make him think of nothing else but you for that night, or maybe even several days if your text message left a real impact. But if no date happens after that—or if what you want isn’t the same as what he wants—he’ll stop thinking of you soon.

So temper your expectations, text more than one guy, and be fast with getting over bad matches. You’ll soon find the ones who matter, and they’ll make everything worth it.

That said, are there ways to maximize the length of time he’ll be thinking of you?

Let’s find out, shall we?

How Do You Make Him Think About You All the Time?

How Do You Make Him Think About You All the Time?

By now, you’ve probably realized that to stay on his mind for as long as possible, some things need to be in place:

  • Your text message must be bang on the money and pull the right emotional triggers in him
  • You must have the same goals for dating, whether it’s just to be friends, to hook up, or to start a proper relationship
  • You must have many reasons to spend more and more time with each other.

So how do you find out if #2 or #3 applies? You go on a date with him, that’s what! Meet him, spend some time with him, and see what it’s like.

The best-case scenario is, of course, when you both want the same type of relationship:

  • If you both want to be just friends, you can be friends forever.
  • If you both want a proper relationship, you can be partners also forever.
  • And if you just want to hook up with each other, you can be friends-with-benefits for several months. (Up until one or both of you gets bored or starts wanting more.)

What’s the worst-case scenario? You’re not a good match, and you part on neutral terms. And that’s still a good development—at least you won’t waste any more time with him, and you can move right on to the next one.

So, as you can see, there’s very little to lose in sending funny and flirty text messages. To make him obsess over you, you now know what to do. Go ahead—let your phone lead you to a more enjoyable and fulfilling love life… instead of just billing you every month.

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

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