The time has come, the door has closed.
The narcissist is officially a part of your past, and is no longer poisoning the present moment that is your life.
The joy is palpable, and you are finally seeing a way out of the darkness to a better future.
One eye remains on the narcissist out of habit, though. And as much as you hate to admit it, you’re noticing a few surprising things going on.
I’m here to tell you those things, and to also reiterate not to be surprised, too. These are just more games they play.
It’s Time!
Roll out the carpet, dust off the jewels, because you’re heading into the sunset with nothing but a smile and a prayer!
As you step farther and farther away from the narcissist, they become smaller and smaller.
At last, right?
Except for one, small detail. You feel a slight sensation of discomfort behind you. Enough to stop walking into that sunset, and turn around.
And there you see them, calculating and acting out their post-you plans accordingly.
And what do those plans look like?
Suddenly Perfect!
After all this damn time, you’re seeing the perfect version of them.
They’re funny, they’re smart, they’re caring, they’re loyal. They’re giving people time and patience and positive energy.
Before you do anything in response to this, let’s do a bit of a reality check.
First, stop idealising them. This is fake. I know it looks and sounds real, but it’s all just for show.
The narcissist is still exactly the same person you thought they were, only they’re acting perfectly in the hope that you spot their flawlessness and return.
They want you to beg and plead, so they can either eventually take you back, or discard you.
Then there’s the other reason – the more covert reason.
They were left, but they don’t want to look like the person who was abandoned.
People might ask:
Wow, what was so wrong with that person that they were dumped?
Then you’re looking at a serious case of all eyes on the narcissist, which is going to be their absolute worst nightmare!
To avoid any suspicion, the narcissist will play perfect, smile sweetly, get on with everybody, be the helpful, attentive person they want the world to believe they are.
Then the questions will more likely be:
Wow. How could they leave this lovely person? Are they crazy? The must be!
Suddenly – you’re the insane one.
Smear Time
I make no pretenses here – smear campaigns are incredibly dangerous and destructive.
I can’t stress enough that they are the worst ways to witness your own reputation swirl helplessly around the drain.
Yes, there are ways to save yourself on some levels, but as you move on and the narcissist points the finger at you, be prepared to lose some people.
I’ll give you an example.
Sally decided she had been through enough in her relationship, and she decided to leave Pete.
Pete had spent years telling her she wasn’t good enough, and criticizing her every move and word.
Sally became a shadow of herself, and eventually, she decided to move on.
Pete, in his narcissistic desperation to smear Sally’s name in a plot of ultimate revenge, told all her friends that Sally never really liked them.
One or two didn’t believe him, but the rest did, and no matter what Sally tried to do to make it better, they refused to remain her friends.
Pete told them:
Sally has never liked you.
She used to moan about you all the time, especially when you text late at night.
Don’t think she’s the innocent person she makes out to be.
She told me all your secrets, I wouldn’t even trust her again.
She’s a horrible person.
And that’s all it takes.
As far as Pete was concerned, if he could no longer have Sally, neither could her friends.
Victim? Yep!
It’s heavily in the narcissist’s interests to play the victim card. Everything they’ve built cannot all down just because you have moved on.
Their image.
Their wholesome (fake) character.
The love they (claimed to have) had for you.
The truths they carved out for others to believe to be true.
Losing you risks losing all of what has been laid out, and I know that’s going to be difficult for you to accept, but…
…Narcissists make great victims.
They will cry, and people will drape their arms around them in an attempt to make it better.
The tears will be real, and matched with the narrative that you broke their heart.
I did everything I could.
They were the love of my life.
I never thought they’d leave me.
I gave them all I had.
I thought that was me signed up to love forever.
I’m lost without them.
I don’t know what I did wrong.
I just wanted it to work.
I miss them so much,
And how do you think that makes you look?
Yeah. Guilty.
But you’re not!
Watching You
I always feel like somebody’s watching me.
This is a classic case of that being true! Narcissists love to watch you, like you’re a movie they know so well on loop.
They like to know what you’re doing, who you’re doing it with, and when you’re doing it.
It’s creepy, isn’t it? You have to do what you can to protect yourself. Keep your life private, and keep your circle small.
Pretend They Never Cared
This is pure damage control.
PRetending they never cared takes away the fact that they were rejected. It’s kind of like them saving their grace a little bit, and it’s pretty funny to witness.
They just don’t want to admit they lost you.
It would be similar if they bumped into you.
That’s because the narcissist knows your schedule and is waiting for you at every corner and turn, then they will act all aloof, as if they had no idea you’d be there at all.
Changing up your life a little should shuffle your timeline and confuse the narcissist. Try to lose them in your rear view mirror, and leave them in the past where they belong.
Good luck!
Sabotage Time
If you think you’re going to find a new person to love and be with, you’d better prepare for the narcissist who is going to come along and try to ruin it.
Starting rumors.
Getting in the way.
Telling lies about you.
Showing up.
Pretending you’re not over them yet.
Anything to ruin your happiness.
Steer clear and set boundaries!
Move On, Anyway
Listen, you cannot let what the narcissist does stop you from moving on and living your life.
You broke up for a reason, and I am sure it took you a lot of courage to make that move. Even if they are chasing somebody new to replace you and erase what you had, let them.
What does it matter?
If you are moving on, you need to do it with the firm idea that you have no regrets about exiting the abuse.
Don’t let the narcissist stop you, or doubt your choices.
You are doing what’s right for you, and that should be commended.
