Narcissists are known to try to keep a lid on freaking out.
They want as few people as possible to see them lose it, and nine times out of ten, the person unlucky enough to witness it will be you.
I’ve got the real reason they freak out when you do one thing in particular.
It might have so far evaded you, but this thing is something you might not even realize you’re doing…
…Namely because there’s actually nothing wrong with it!
Intrigued? You should be!
#1 What narcissists love about you
When you’ve been clocked by a narcissist it will usually be because of certain traits they see in you.
Are you a good person? Great! Then you will see the good in them.
Are you looking for a happy ending? Great! The narcissist can make a promise to love you forever.
Do you forgive easily? Excellent! That means the narcissist can say or do what they want, and you will just say, “That’s okay.”
Do you put other people before yourself? Brilliant! The narcissist will always be your number one!
Narcissists love all of this and more about you, which is why they felt so compelled to get to know you.
Knowing they can get what they want from you is a big incentive to stick around and act like they’re your long lost soulmate.
Mostly, they love seeing how easy it is to control you, and manipulate you in any way, shape or form.
#2 Listening to the narcissist
Problems begin when you don’t just hear the words of the narcissist, but when you listen to them.
When they tell you that you can’t do something, are they telling you because you physically can’t (like lift a car),
or because they don’t want you to do it (get that new job with more money and opportunity)?
You can hear their words, but does that mean you are listening to what they mean?
I’d hope not. I don’t expect you to go out lifting cars anytime soon, but what I do want is for you to not be held back by the words of another person.
When a victim starts really listening to what their abuser tells them, they start to make themselves smaller, and less seen.
They go from being full of joy, to blending into the background and eventually become invisible.
I don’t want that for you, and more importantly, you shouldn’t want that for yourself either.
That’s why people like me exist; to remind you that you can empower yourself through knowledge and boundaries.
When you listen to the narcissist, you’re telling them that you believe everything they say.
It’s such a dangerous life to live, because no narcissist on the planet is going to feed you positive, good words to help you grow and inspire you.
All narcissists are full of toxicity, and their limiting beliefs of you and everything that you’re capable of doing are just going to fuel them and drain you.
This is where we move on to what happens when that listening stops.
And yes – there will be plenty of freaking out, but luckily not from you.
#3 When the listening stops
One day, you wake up, and you’ve had enough. You realize you’ve wasted so much time listening to the narcissist that you now just want to live a happy life away from their nastiness.
The listening may take a little time to switch off, but the main thing is that you want it to stop.
It’s been costing you so much in your physical and mental well being, but now you’re ready to say goodbye to anything and everything who darkens your skies, and that starts with the narcissist.
When you can tune out their insults and criticisms, you will find yourself in a place of harmony that you probably haven’t been in a long time.
It will make you feel brand new, and it can get addictive feeling this good!
Suddenly, their words don’t mean anything to you any more the way they used to. They speak, but nothing really chinks your armor.
What a great place to be!
#4 When you do you, the narcissist freaks out
Well, I say great, but it isn’t so great for the narcissist, who will totally freak out the moment you stop listening to them.
I’m not going to say that like it’s something we should all feel sorry for, by the way!
We should all be on board with them freaking out, because it means you are doing something right, something for you.
A happy narcissist is a narcissist who is ruining your life and making you needlessly suffer.
A happy narcissist is a narcissist who is causing you pain, and triggering you into fear at every single opportunity. A happy narcissist is a controlling narcissist.
When you do you, and you live life by your own rulebook, the narcissist will immediately start freaking out because they have lost what they thought they fully had.
#5 But here’s the real advice
I write freaking out, but we all know it means so much more than that. Freaking out means this:
- The narcissist panics, knowing they’ve lost a part of you they once controlled, and loved controlling.
- The narcissist fears that this is the start of you pulling back so much that you ‘abandon’ them and leave them for somebody else.
- They break out, knowing you have every power to tell the world the truth about the abuse you’ve suffered.
- They try to love-bomb you, knowing they’ve lost you and will do anything to win you back and try to get you to forget this new you that you’re becoming.
- Freaking out can lead to discard. The narcissist wants to leave you before you leave them, so they can remain in control until the very end.
Yes, things can really go this far as soon as you stop listening to them.
The dynamic of abuse only works when there is a victim, and when there is an abuser.
If you refuse to listen, you are no longer a victim. As you evolve more and more into a person of awareness, you become more and more of a threat to them.
The real advice is not listening anyway, even if you are tempted to not change the dynamic.
#6 Being you should never be compromised
Yet it always is with narcissists, isn’t it?
They are forever compromising the character and fortitude of those they cross paths with,
in the hope that some kind of control can begin, like a game of human cat and mouse.
Why should you keep running as if your life depended on it? Why should you hide and follow the rules?
Your character is like a light that should not have a dimmer attached to it.
If it does, the narcissist will be first in line to use that dimmer, and you will soon notice that you don’t shine as brightly as you did before.
So be you. Don’t accept what they tell you, and refuse to listen when they try to chip away at your character.
This is not up for debate.
