10 Obvious Signs Your Ex is Pretending To Be Over You

Last Updated on March 3, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

If you want some more insight into the signs your ex is pretending to be over you keep reading.

Breakups are complicated, and feelings are difficult to overcome especially if you’ve been together for a while. In an ideal world, two people would end their relationship and keep it moving, but as you know, it rarely ever works out that way. 

You and your partner broke up in one of three ways: He dumped you, you dumped him, or it was a mutual decision. How you broke up is irrelevant, you’ve noticed that your ex is trying way too hard to act as if he’s over you. 

This behavior can become seriously frustrating if you’re looking to rekindle the relationship. But before you start making any rash decisions, it’s important that you find out whether your ex is pretending to be over you, or he’s really over you! Here are 10 signs your ex is pretending to be over you. 

Why do Exes Pretend to be Over Someone?

Why do Exes Pretend to be Over Someone

There are several reasons why exes pretend as if they’re over their partner. In general, break-ups are difficult, and even if two people ended on really bad terms, they may still have feelings for each other.

The reality is that feelings take time to develop, and they take time to get over. In order for an ex to move on, they may need to pretend as if they’re over you. Here are some reasons why:

#1 He Doesn’t Know How to Express His Emotions

Some men don’t know how to express their feelings, so instead, they hide behind a facade as a coping mechanism.

In general, men take on the role as protector and provider; this stereotype is reinforced by society’s depiction of the heroic male. In films and adverts, they are portrayed as stoic, resourceful, fearless, and capable of facing adversity alone.

These characters have made their way through the TV screens into our homes, and are often lived out by fathers, husbands and sons. We have been conditioned to believe that this is how men behave.

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When young boys witness their fathers playing these roles, this behavior is absorbed subconsciously. 

According to psychologist Paul Ekman, there are six basic human emotions, happiness, anger, disgust, fear, surprise and sadness. Despite the fact that these emotions are universal and experienced by everyone.

Happiness is the most acceptable since fear, anger, and sadness have been labeled as negative (especially for men), they typically attempt to hide them from their loved ones because they feel as if they should be able to cope with them alone. Men will sometimes deal with their negative emotions in the following ways:

  • Withdraw from friends and family
  • Spend more time at work
  • Drink a lot of alcohol
  • Reckless/violent behavior

Men find it difficult to identify and articulate their emotions and so they are unable to express them. The bottom line is that in some cases, your ex will pretend he’s over you because it’s easier for him to act as if he’s not feeling anything, than to tell you how he’s feeling. 

#2 He’s Got a New Girlfriend

Despite the fact that your ex boyfriend has met someone new, he’s still into you. He’s still got pictures of you, still has all the presents and birthday cards you bought him, and he still listens to your favorite songs.

The new girlfriend is fully aware of this, and she’s not impressed. They may even have arguments about it. So the next time you see him with her, he literally acts as if he hasn’t seen you…even though you walked right past each other.

That’s because he’s trying to make his new girlfriend feel safe and comfortable that he’s not going to take off into the sunset with you. 

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#3 He Doesn’t Want to Get Hurt

If for whatever reason, you ended the relationship, and now you’ve decided that you want to get back with him, he’s going to be slightly cautious.

Since you hurt him once, he’s not trying to get hurt again, so he’ll act as if he’s over you, and not interested in rekindling the relationship to avoid getting another broken heart. 

#4 He’s Playing Hard to Get

Yes, men do this too! Again, this typically applies if you were the one who dumped him. Deep down he wants to get back with you, and after playing hard to get for long enough, he probably will.

But until then, he’s going to play hard to get to see how much you really want to be with him.

10 Signs Your Ex is Pretending to be Over You

10 Signs Your Ex is Pretending to be Over You?

If your ex is really over you, trust and do believe, he’d make zero contact with you, and you’d probably never hear from him again.

But since he’s pretending to be over you, he’ll make all types of excuses to make contact with you. Here are 10 signs your ex is pretending to be over you. 

#1 He Gives Back Your Belongings

So you had a few things lying around his apartment. You’re so mad at the breakup, that you tell him you don’t want them back, he can get rid of them.

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But he makes a point of turning up at your house when he knows you’re going to be in to drop your stuff off. And it doesn’t happen once either, he strategically drops off a couple of items every other week, each time pretending that he’s just found it…go figure! 

#2 He’s Being Indirect

Your ex has never been one to flood social media with pictures of how great his life is. Shoot…he barely ever posted a picture of you and him together.

Now all of a sudden, since you have broken up, he’s going overboard with how good he’s doing. He takes pictures in restaurants, bars, nightclubs and anywhere else he thinks will get your attention.

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He might even post a picture of the new girl he’s dating and caption it with something vindictive like: “No one has ever made me so happy!” LIES! These are major signs your ex is pretending to be happy. 

#3 He’s Mad at You

You know full well you’ve done nothing wrong, but your ex feels the need to call you and start sounding off at you about some nonsense.

Whether it’s he said, she said, or you scratched his car, or you’ve still got an item of his clothing. He’ll pretend to be mad at you  so that you think he’s over you.

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#4 He Congratulates You on Your New Relationship

He’s heard through the grapevine that you’ve got a new boyfriend so you get a phone call from him that goes something like this:

“Oh, I heard you’ve met someone and that you’re really happy.”

Then he’ll go silent to see whether you have anything to say, what he’s hoping is that he’ll be able to detect sadness in your voice which is proof that you’re not happy after all.

He’ll then go on to state, “I was just calling to congratulate you.” Oh please… try and pull the wool over someone else’s eyes. 

#5 He Keeps Talking About You

When your ex talks about you, he’s not having conversations with people he knows won’t report back to you. He is intentionally either speaking about you to mutual friends, or he’s having loud conversations about you in earshot of your mutual friends.

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In general, he’ll talk about how much he can’t stand you, all the things you did wrong in the relationship, and how he can’t wait to find a new partner.

But if he is really over you, he’d feel no need to have a conversation about any aspect of your life whether past or present. 

#6 He Wants to be Friends

Friends generally don’t have feelings for each other, so if he’s asking to rekindle your friendship, he’s trying to let you know that friend zoning you is okay because he’s over you.

But the reality is that he wants to be friends so he’s got access to you, and he can spend time with you because he misses you. 

#7 He Gets His Friends to Speak to You

Your ex boyfriend wants to know where your head’s at, but he’s too embarrassed to do it himself.

Instead, he sends his friends to speak to you, they’ll say things like, “Danny’s doing really well, he’s moved on with life now, got a new job, he bought a new house a few months back actually.” Then they’ll try and ask you indirect questions about your love life.

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What usually happens with a messy break-up is that the guy will send a friend to come and beg the partner to take him back. He knows she’s more likely to listen to someone else than him because she’s hurt and her emotions are still raw.

So you are well within your rights to be suspicious if the conversation goes in the direction I’ve mentioned. 

#8 He’s Still Good to You

He’s giving you the ‘no hard feelings vibe,’ basically, he’s trying to be all chill and cool about the breakup.

By continuing to perform random acts of kindness, he’s implicitly stating that he’s so over you that he can keep being nice to you and it doesn’t mean a thang!

But what he’s actually doing is reminding you of the good old days so he can sweeten you up because he’s probably planning on asking if you want to get back together one day. 

#9 He Teases You

Do you remember that guy in middle school who used to tease you all the time? That’s because he probably fancied you.

Unfortunately, men don’t grow out of this behavior, and they’ll tease the women they like well into their adult years. He does this for several reasons.

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By showing you he’s bold enough to tease you, he’s letting you see his confident side. Some guys tease women because they’re showing indifference, his little digs are his way of saying that he doesn’t care what you think of him, or if you like him.

Since some men are not as emotionally secure as women, they goof around when they feel vulnerable or threatened. In this instance, he feels vulnerable because he’s trying his hardest to hide his true feelings.

But what he doesn’t know is that for the clued-up women (like yourself who take the time out to educate themselves about men), teasing gives the game away. It’s a passive-aggressive male behavior that gets somewhat irritating after a while. 

#10 He’s Being Overly Macho

And you know this because he didn’t act this way when you were together. When a man feels that he can trust a woman and wants to take the relationship further, he will show his vulnerable side.

Clinical psychologist Henry Cloud states that men will reveal their deepest thoughts and feelings to get closer to the girl they want to settle down with.

However, now that you’ve broken up, he’s developed this over-the-top masculine energy because he wants you to see the difference between his personality when he was in love with you, and when he (supposedly isn’t).

Additionally, research published in Social Psychology found that some men feel the need to overcompensate when they feel their masculinity is threatened. In the case of your ex boyfriend, you find out that he still has feelings for you is a major threat to his masculinity regardless of how you broke up.

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He’s afraid that if you find out that he still has feelings for you, and hasn’t just got on with his life after the break up, you’ll think he’s soft. To prevent this, he’s become a Jack the lad!

How do You Know if Your ex is Still Thinking About You?

How do You Know if Your ex is Still Thinking About You?

Obviously, you’re not a mind reader, so you’re not going to get some supernatural insight into whether your ex is still thinking about you. However, there are definitely some tell tale signs, here are some of them:

#1 He Calls/Texts You by Accident

And no, this isn’t one of those, he calls you by accident on purpose…he literally thought he was calling or texting someone else. But because you were so heavily on his mind, he dialed your number instead…woops!

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#2 He Reminds You of the Good Old Days

One evening out of the blue, you get a message from your ex reminding you about the awesome weekend away you had for your second year anniversary. It might go something like, “I just drove past that spa we went to for our second year anniversary, we had such an awesome time.” 

#3 He Remembers Your Moms Birthday

Even though you’ve been broken up for a few months, he sends your mom a bunch of flowers on her birthday and tells her to say hi to you. No, he’s not trying to get in your mother’s good books, he’s letting you know that he’s still thinking about you. 

#4 He Likes Your Social Media Posts

After the breakup, he stopped interacting with you on social media. No more likes, comments, or DMs. But all of a sudden, out of the blue, he starts liking your pictures again. He’s trying to tell you that you’re on his mind. 

#5 He Still Logs Into Your Accounts

When you were together, you had shared accounts such as Amazon Prime, Netflix, or Spotify. Since you’re the one who set them up, now you’ve broken up, you’d expect him to stop logging into them right?

You’re correct, but because he’s still thinking about you, he still uses them. This won’t be obvious right away, but if you look at your recent history, it will tell you everything you need to know about who logged in, when they logged in, and what they watched…BUSTED!

#6 He Keeps Showing up at Places he Knows You’ll be

Bumping into an ex on the street is awkward enough, let alone at a close-knit social gathering. Let’s say you guys are in college, you live on campus and every few months, there’s a get-together of some sort that you always go to.

When you were together, he hated it, and would gladly allow you to go with your girlfriends. But now you’re not together, it’s his favorite place to visit, coincidence or…? Of course, it’s not a coincidence, he’s hoping he’ll bump into you, and guess what, he did! 

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#8 You Dreamt About Him

Dreaming about an ex partner might mean that you miss him, but it can also be a sign that he’s thinking about you. Spiritual people know that dreams are a way of connecting with your higher self.

When you’re connected to your higher self, you can connect with those around you even if you’re not with them physically. If you keep dreaming about your ex, it might be a sign that he’s trying to reach out to you. Subconsciously, he’s thinking about you, and his thoughts are manifesting through your dreams.

These dreams may be so vivid, that you can interpret it yourself, or it might appear as a distant memory. But if you really want to know what these dreams mean, you can contact an expert dream interpreter and they’ll give you a full breakdown of what the dream really means.  

#9 He’s Spying on You

Not in a stalker type of way, but he’s most definitely paying attention to what you’re doing. Every so often, he’ll check your Facebook or Instagram stories.

Or he might go as far as to drive by your house hoping to get a glimpse of you. So yeah, that Honda Civic that you saw crawling past you the other day was probably him. 

How do You Know if Your ex Still Cares About You?

How do You Know if Your ex Still Cares About You

One of the biggest signs that your ex still cares about you is that he’ll do things for you. Men won’t tell you how they feel, they’ll show you, and doing things like changing your light bulb, getting your car serviced, and mowing your lawn, are just a few ways he’ll show you he’s still interested. 

5 Signs Your Ex is Over You For Good

  1. No response
  2. No Sex
  3. No Birthday message
  4. He Allows you to pay
  5. His body language changed

When your ex is completely done with the relationship and he has no intentions of getting back together, you can expect the following:

#1 He Doesn’t Engage in Conversation With You

You can try as hard as you want, but you won’t get a response out of him. He’ll basically ignore you, no matter how you try to communicate with him, whether it’s through text, phone or email, he won’t engage with you.

Initially, you’ll assume he’s playing games, but most guys don’t have time for that. It’s because he’s done with you!

#2 No More Sex

Some men will sleep with their exes because they want to know if there’s still something there. They do this because sex is one way they connect with their emotions. So if your ex refuses to sleep with you, it’s because he’s already got the confirmation he needs. 

#3 You Don’t Get a Birthday Message

This is a big one because men know how important birthdays and significant dates are to women. If he was once diligent about making your birthday special, but this year, you hear nothing.

He didn’t forget, he chose not to because he is no longer interested in being in a relationship with you, and he doesn’t want to get your hopes up that he’s thinking about getting back together. 

#4 He’ll Allow You to Pay

Just say you’ve gone out to dinner to discuss whether there’s a chance of getting back together. He had already made up his mind that he wanted out before he got there, but seeing you, and getting into a heated discussion was confirmation for him.

He’s now completely fed up, and ready to leave. When the bill arrives, he doesn’t even ask if you’ve got enough money to pay for your half of the meal. He goes right ahead and tells the waiter to split the bill.

Ordinarily, this would never happen, the man you were dating would never allow you to put your hand in your purse when you went out. He felt that as your man, it was his duty to pay your way. But since he no longer sees himself as your man, you can pay for yourself! 

#5 His Body Language Has Changed

As the old adage goes, “actions speak louder than words.” Unless you’re a trained actor, people can’t hide their body language.

Some of the most notorious criminals have been caught out because their body language gave the game away. So if you really want to know whether your ex partner is officially over you, watch him the next time you have a conversation.

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Here are some of the most common signs that he’s no longer interested in you:

#1 He Shows Signs of Boredom

During the conversation, he might stretch, yawn, keep looking at his watch or start fidgeting. He will also give you very vague answers such as, “mhm, uh-uh, sure, yeah.” You can test to see whether he’s just tired, or that he finds the conversation boring by changing the direction of your discussion.

If you can’t get him to liven up no matter what you do, he’s switched off. If he was tired, he’d tell you, and if he was interested in what you had to say, and cared about what you thought, he’d match your enthusiasm. 

#2 He Won’t Face You

A sure sign that a man is interested in you is that he angles himself towards you. He’ll look directly at you when you’re speaking, he’ll give you eye contact, and smile.

If you’re both standing up, his feet will be pointed towards you. But if he isn’t giving you his full attention, he’ll be all over the place, watching the door, the floor, basically, he’ll pay more attention to the ant crawling up the wall than to what you’re saying. And if you’re standing up and his feet are turned away from you, it basically means he wants to run!

#3 He’s Closed Off

When a man is interested in a woman, he’ll make himself open to her. Subconsciously, he’s inviting her into his space. He’ll spread his legs, if he’s sitting on a chair, one or both of his arms will be spread across the back of it.

On the other hand, when he’s not interested, he’ll cross his arms and legs because he’s trying to close himself off from you. He’s literally saying, get away from me, I don’t want to be here! 

What’s Next?

What happens next between you and your ex will depend on the situation, but below are a few scenarios that might take place. 

What to do if He Still Likes You

If your ex boyfriend has given you signs that he still likes you, take a minute to assess the situation. Remember, he’s your ex for a reason.

It was either you or him who ended the relationship, so you’ll need to think about that before rushing to get back together. If he dumped you, have a conversation with him to work out whether he’s gotten over his reasons for the breakup. If not, you’re at risk of getting hurt again.

If you terminated the relationship, think about why. Whatever the reason, you’ll need to determine whether he’s changed and that these changes are permanent. You can test the waters by spending a bit of time with him so you can observe him more closely. 

How to Move on

If a man has lost feelings for you, apart from hoping for a miracle, there is nothing you can say or do that will get him to want to be with you again.

Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is move on. It won’t be easy, but it’s possible, here are some do’s and don’ts to help get over your partner. 

DON’T jump into another relationship! People do this all the time, as soon as they break up with one person, they move straight on to the next. It’s a terrible coping strategy because what ends up happening is that you dump your baggage in your new relationship, and it won’t be long before he returns the favor, and dumps you. 

DO take some time out to process your emotions and heal. Do some self-reflecting, look within, and determine whether there was anything you did to contribute to the break up.

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Some guys are just jerks, and they’ll walk once they’ve got what they want. But sometimes, even if they really wanted the relationship to work, they leave because there was something about your character that was unsettling to them. 

DON’T go around bad-mouthing your ex. I know you’re hurting, and you want to release some tension by having a good old man-bashing session with your girlfriends, but that’s not a good idea.

You see, you’d be tarnishing his reputation based on your assessment of what took place in the relationship, and that’s not fair. He might be a really nice guy, he just wasn’t for you. 

DO get counseling if you feel that you’ve been so hurt that it’s affecting your mental health. A trained counselor will help you put things in perspective, looking at your failed relationship through another lens will help you move on. 

Final Thoughts

At this point, you should know one of two things; one, whether your ex is pretending to be over you; or two, whether your ex is definitely over you.

If he’s pretending, and you want to give the relationship another go, you’ll need to have a conversation with him and find out what’s really going on with him.

But if he’s over you, it’s time to move on, as hard as it is to accept, some things are just not meant to be. As mentioned, don’t jump into another relationship, take a break, spend some time alone and get reconnected with yourself again.

But whatever direction you take, I hope it all works out for you. 

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

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