One day you wake up, and you feel different.
That pain you felt sear through your soul is no longer prominent. The panic you feel as you awaken to a new day has disappeared.
You no longer wonder what it will bring; instead, you feel inner peace that you can enjoy it.
Healing has truly kicked in – and you begin to notice more and more signs that you are fully getting over your narcissistic experience.
What a place to be.
There are so many ways to know you’re healing, and it’d be rude not to share them all with you!
Healing – a Place You All Want to Be
And I know for a fact you all want to end up on the other side of your own healing journeys.
For that to be possible, there needs to be work from you. Healing doesn’t just happen.
To start, you have to want to. To want to, you have to know what you’re healing from.
Signs of Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
1. You No Longer Post For Them
We have all come to love and use social media. Most of us post what we want to: photos, videos, thoughts, places we’ve been, funny memes—anything that we want to.
When you have that person on your friends list, things can become all about them.
I’ll give you an example.
I had a client several years back who openly admitted to posting songs, just so the narcissist would see them.
They would be songs she knew he liked, songs they might listen to and sing along to.
In those moments, she said she really felt like they connected. She wished it was like that all the time, but it was intermittent.
So she would post them, almost as reminders, and tag him in the song video.
She did it to try and keep hold of that feeling she had when they’d be together, but it was impossible to do.
If anybody posts for the narcissist, I ask you personally:
Stop.
If this was something you once did and no longer do (hopefully they no longer have access to your profile at all), then it’s a sure sign that you’re healing from all that abuse.
You are no longer people-pleasing like you once did.
2. Less Overthought
Remember the days you used to sit there and ruminate until you thought your head would fall off?
Remember when one thought would turn into a snowball of catastrophic potential disasters that loomed ahead of you like a dark, stormy Category 5 hurricane?
When you notice those thoughts becoming less and less, until you actually have a good hold on them in general – you are well on your way to healing.
Narcissists make their victims overthink.
Why are they in a bad mood?
Did I upset them?
What did I say?
How did I upset them?
What must they think of me?
They think I am terrible.
I must be terrible.
Nobody likes me.
I think people just tolerate me.
What’s the point?
I’m unloveable.
All from what?
The seed of doubt is planted in victims when the narcissist wants to propel them into overthought central. It’s a whirring, swirling whirlpool of energy you can’t escape, and it hurts.
When you take the time to rationalize with yourself over these thoughts and understand that they aren’t doing you any favors, you can regain control from your mind.
Narcissists are responsible for the strengthening growth our negative bias has upon ourselves.
Not only does overthinking be the go-to, so does dwelling on it all.
Healing prevents that.
3. The Dreams Become Less
Maybe you’re still there or know exactly what I am talking about.
The dreams.
They’re so vivid, aren’t they?
You wake up feeling a different person just because you saw the narcissist while you slept.
They were nice.
They were terrible.
They gave you everything you wanted.
They ignored you.
Whatever it is – it’s normal.
Think about what your brain’s trying to process. Over time, it will do that. But you must be patient and know these will become less frequent.
4. Your Nervous System is Adjusting!
And boy, does that take some time.
Your nervous system has been programmed to respond to trauma, fear, sadness, worry and the actions of a toxic person for however long it has.
Time, therapy and self-awareness will combine to allow your nervous system to heal itself.
When you notice that happening, you’re truly getting somewhere when somebody can say their name without your heart thudding in your chest and breaking into a sweat.
5. “Indifference” – What a Place to Be!
Isn’t it a good feeling to just not have any care or concern for the narcissist?
To get there means you have done a lot of healing and admitted many things to be true.
It’s a great place to be!
6. Learning Your Lesson
Lessons are hard to learn, and people keep making mistakes until those lessons have been fully learned and logged.
Sadly, getting involved with a narcissist is a hard one, but it’s necessary.
You can gain much satisfaction from knowing you’ve ‘got the T-shirt’ and that you’re able to now stand up as a survivor of narcissistic abuse and thrive in a new dawn.
7. Moving Forward Becomes Something You Allow
You are the only person who has prevented you from moving on in life. Sure, they’d love to take credit for keeping you with them, but they don’t get to.
It’s not down to you how you go about this. Live life how you see fit, and you will know you’re healing.
Don’t wait for somebody to see you before you even see yourself.
8. You Move Away From Connected People
Step away from the flying monkeys!
It’s great when you no longer feel you have to keep in touch with people the narcissist is close to just to be kind, or out of habit.
A clean slate really means a clean slate when you’re talking about healing.
It’s time, right?
9. Their Business is No Longer Your Concern
Who cares!
They’re posting silly sunset photos?
So what!
You hear that they got a new job?
Big deal!
You are your priority now, and finally you understand and practice that in every day of your life.
It’s about time!
10. The Shift Within
It’s a real shift of consciousness, isn’t it?
Suddenly, you’re less tolerable of charm.
You’re stronger than you used to be.
You stand up for yourself without fear of what comes next.
What happens inside when you heal is something that cannot be reversed.
Don’t Think This Won’t Be You
I don’t know where you are in your healing journey, but I do know one thing.
Some day, this will all be you. And if you are beginning today, then I want to wish you all the best.
I wouldn’t be writing this to thousands of readers if you were alone.
20 Things That Drive Narcissists Absolutely Nuts
We might all think Narcissists are the strong ones, the ones in control. But in reality, the Narcissist is busy maintaining his fake superior image.
They are fragile creatures inside, and they are afraid everyone will start to notice that.
The idea that they are exposed, being called out, or worse….being ignored drives them NUTS.
Here are 20 things that drive Narcissists Nuts.
#1 Being Called Out:
Narcissists hate when their manipulative tactics or lies are challenged or exposed, as it clashes with the facade they present.
When you call out a narcissist on their manipulative tactics or lies, it strikes a nerve; they loathe having their carefully crafted facade disturbed.
This challenge to their perceived perfection and control can provoke anger or even rage. They’ll often react defensively, redirect blame, or play the victim.
It’s a desperate attempt to maintain their self-created illusion.
#2 Dealing with the Truth
They do not like dealing with the truth, especially when it challenges their false self-image or deceptive narratives.
Narcissists find it incredibly difficult to confront the truth, particularly if it shatters their falsely constructed self-image or undermines their deceitful narratives.
They can’t stand it when reality doesn’t align with their skewed perceptions.
#3 Fighting Back
It can be deeply unsettling when someone reacts firmly against their attempts to control, belittle, or undermine.
Just as they struggle with accepting the truth, narcissists also have a tough time when their attempts to control, belittle, or undermine are met with firm resistance.
It’s deeply unsettling for them when you stand your ground, refusing to be manipulated or put down. They’re used to being in control, and your defiance shakes their world, leaving them frustrated and, often, furious.
#4 Standing Up for Yourself
They are annoyed when others stand up for themselves, as it goes against their desire for dominance.
Pushing back against a narcissist’s dominance can throw them off balance, and they resent anyone brave enough to stand their ground.
Narcissists crave control, and when you assert yourself, you’re denying them that. They can’t stand it when their power is threatened like this.
#5 Ignoring and Blocking Them
Narcissists like to be the center of attention. Being ignored or blocked shakes their esteemed self-image.
While standing your ground can rattle them, denying them the spotlight by ignoring or blocking their efforts is another effective way to shake a narcissist’s self-image.
They crave attention, and they’re left unsettled when you don’t give it.
#6 Silence
Silent treatment can be very aggravating for a narcissist who thrives on the attention.
In the grand theater of human interaction, your silence can be the most disturbing noise for a narcissist. They thrive on attention, and your refusal to engage strips them of that spotlight. It’s their kryptonite, rendering them powerless.
Your silence doesn’t just annoy them, it shakes their self-esteem. So, when dealing with a narcissist, sometimes, silence is golden.
#7 Using Grey Rock Method
A technique involving minimal response to their behavior. They despise being completely deprived of emotional responses to feed on.
Just as your silence can be disarming, employing the Grey Rock Method—giving minimal response to a narcissist’s behavior—can be equally, if not more, infuriating for them.
They thrive on emotional reactions, and you’re robbing them of their power by denying them that.
You’re not feeding their need for drama.
You’re simply a grey rock: uninteresting, unresponsive, and utterly frustrating for them.
#8 Exposure of Who They Are
The fear of revealing their genuine, often insecure self beneath the superficial perfection can cause distress.
Narcissists dread exposing their true selves, hidden beneath layers of crafted perfection and grandiosity. They fear the unveiling of their genuine, often insecure self. This fear isn’t groundless.
It’s possible to be seen without the mask, the facade they’ve meticulously built. The thought of their imperfections being laid bare can distress them immensely. It’s a reality they can’t stand to face.
#9 Being Laughed At
It can trigger a sense of shame or humiliation, challenging their grandiose self-image.
Imagine the scene: you’re laughing at a narcissist, perhaps pointing out a small mistake they’ve made.
This can ignite a deep sense of shame or humiliation in them, directly challenging their inflated self-image. They’re not used to being the butt of a joke.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s a direct hit to their ego and can make them livid.
#10 Knowledge Gap
It can be very irksome for them if they are out of the loop or others know something they don’t.
When you’re privy to information that a narcissist isn’t, it’s like a thorn in their side. They can’t stand being out of the loop. Knowledge gaps drive them crazy.
It’s not just about feeling left out, it’s about their need to be superior. If you know something they don’t, it challenges their self-perceived dominance, and that’s a bitter pill for them to swallow.
#11 Reputational Damage
Narcissists value their reputation and public image highly and any harm to it can drive them into a rage.
If there’s even a hint of damage to their meticulously crafted public image, it can send a narcissist spiraling into a fit of rage. They’ve spent years building and polishing their reputation, so any slight, real or perceived, feels like a personal affront.
They can’t tolerate being seen as anything less than perfect, so they’ll do anything to prevent their image from tarnishing.
#12 Losing Control
Any loss of control, especially over others’ lives, is deeply frustrating and threatening to them.
Just as a narcissist can’t stand the thought of a tarnished reputation, losing control, particularly over others’ lives, deeply unnerves them. You’ll find them scrambling to regain their power, their self-worth attached to the puppeteer’s strings.
They feel threatened and cornered. Any hint of independence from you is met with manipulation, tantrums, or cold dismissal. It’s their desperate bid to remain at the helm, in control.
#13 Denial
Saying “No” to a narcissist can spark extreme anger as they’re not used to being denied what they want.
Denying a narcissist something they want isn’t just a simple ‘no’ for them; it’s an insult to their entitlement, which often triggers an extreme reaction. This ‘no’ sparks an anger they can’t easily quell, because they’re unaccustomed to denial.
#14 Refusing to Play Along
Not feeding into their manipulation games can provoke their ire.
When you refuse to participate in a narcissist’s web of manipulation, their frustration often manifests as anger and hostility. They’re used to having control and playing mind games.
But standing your ground, not feeding into their tactics, truly irks them. It disrupts their power dynamics, forcing them to face an uncomfortable reality: they can’t always get their way.
#15 Losing
They have a deep need always to win. Losing, whether in work, social scenarios, or relationships, can frustrate them.
Narcissists are exceedingly competitive, and a loss in any area of life, whether professional or personal, can send them into frustration and resentment. They’re driven by a need always to win. When they don’t, it’s not just a setback, but a personal affront.
This extreme reaction to losing can lead to strained relationships and workplace conflicts as they struggle to regain control.
#16 Cutting Off Contact
Going ‘no contact’ deprives them of the control and attention they seek, driving them into a frenzy.
Have you ever considered what happens to a narcissist when you cut off all contact?
It drives them absolutely nuts. Narcissists thrive on control and attention; without it, they’re sent into a tailspin.
Going ‘no contact’ strips them of their power, leaving them scrambling for a way to regain it.
It’s a simple yet effective way to kick them off their self-built pedestal.
#17 Independent Thoughts and Opinions
Narcissists strongly dislike when others show autonomy, contradicting their views or decisions.
Exerting your independence and voicing your thoughts and opinions can truly rattle a narcissist’s cage. They can’t stand it when you show autonomy, contradicting their views or decisions. It’s like a direct blow to their inflated ego, leaving them feeling threatened.
#18 Seeing Others’ Success
Other people’s success, especially when surpassing their own, provokes envy and resentment.
When you shine brighter than them, particularly in areas they value, narcissists can’t help but feel a twinge of envy and resentment. Your success, especially if it surpasses their own, drives them up the wall.
It’s a blow to their inflated self-image, triggering feelings of inadequacy. They’re left grappling with bitterness, struggling to accept that someone else is outshining them.
#19 Displaying Empathy
They can’t understand or appreciate empathetic behavior, often viewing it as a weakness.
Just as your success irks them, showing empathy – a trait they can neither understand nor appreciate – is another thing that drives narcissists up the wall. They view it as a sign of weakness, not strength.
This inability to comprehend empathy often leads to frustration and confusion. So, when you’re kind and understanding, you’re not just being good. You’re also getting under a narcissist’s skin.
#20 Feeling Inferior
Anything that makes them feel less superior or important can spark intense negative reactions.
Narcissists often struggle intensely with feelings of inferiority, and anything that suggests they’re less superior or important can trigger extreme negative reactions. They’ll interpret this as a clear sign of disrespect if you slight or overlook them.
They can’t stand being outshone or feeling second best. Always needing to be the center of attention, they’ll overreact if they sense they’re not.
