Last Updated on September 9, 2021 by Alexander Burgemeester
Things once seemed so happy and carefree. She was the one, and you were sure of it. She was the amazing person who made your world brighter and better. You felt so euphoric, and the love was so intense that you didn’t doubt it for a moment.
But now, the romantic relationship feels a bit different. Maybe you’re feeling somewhat anxious. Perhaps things were going so well, but now you aren’t sure. You feel a bit disconnected. You’re wondering if something else is going on. To make matters worse, maybe you’re feeling concerned that it’s all in your head!
So, how do you know if your partner has lost interest? Sometimes, the signs of serious relationship problems are undeniable. Other times, her frustration or withdrawal isn’t always apparent. There could be many explanations why she doesn’t love you anymore, but knowing the key signs is critical.
Here are the main signs she doesn’t like you anymore.
1. She’s Suddenly Rationing Physical Contact
Want to know how to tell if a girl doesn’t like you anymore? Start by considering any slight shifts in body language.
Affection is undoubtedly an important component of healthy relationships. We all have varying levels of how much we enjoy being physically intimate with our partners. Moreover, it’s normal for both intimacy and levels of physical attraction to ebb and flow over time.
Some people assume that a dead bedroom automatically means relationship problems. But total withdrawal isn’t always the case. Sometimes, the contact gradually declines. Sudden changes- without explanation- can represent a red flag.
According to Rachel Sommer, Ph.D. and clinical sexologist, “Physical connection is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship, only after positive communication.
And when a partner is drifting away, they’ll cut off intimacy and any form of touch. Everything from the long and warm hugs to the lovely cuddles or kisses – they all become forced.
Rationing physical contact can look like this:
- Feeling like she’s just “going through the motions” when having sex.
- Avoiding physical displays of affection like holding hands or kissing in public.
- Sleeping away from you (even if you used to sleep together).
- Frequently turning down connections for intimacy.
2. You Feel Like You’re Initiating Everything
In a healthy relationship, there is a mutual sense of taking and giving. For example, even if one of you tends to plan date nights, the other might take the lead on cooking dinner or managing chores. There is a perception of balance- you both contribute to the welfare of the relationship.
Amelia Alvin, psychiatrist, warns, “If you are the only one who texts them, check on them, calls them, ask them out or send gifts, you are on the verge of getting hurt emotionally. They have already started disrespecting and ignoring you.
Alvin continues to emphasize that “when someone is in love, they take out time to communicate. It is all about priorities. No one is too busy to forget their partner.”
So, consider this: when was the last time your partner took the initiative in the relationship without any prompting? How balanced does your relationship feel right now? Who seems more interested in keeping the two of you happy and in sync?
3. She Seems Perpetually Closed Off
Chances are, you used to talk about your dreams and goals. At the beginning of a relationship, it’s normal for couples to share everything, almost in a compulsive manner. This intensity usually fades over time, but healthy couples make an ongoing effort to “reveal themselves” to their partners.
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Women often seek connection through emotional expression. Therefore, it could be a sign of distress if this behavior stops. She may be closed off if she:
- Only sticks with surface-level topics.
- Seemingly manages most problems alone (or with others) instead of coming to you.
- No longer shares how she’s feeling.
- Doesn’t seem to value your support.
4. She Doesn’t Compliment You Anymore
When was the last time your partner praised you? When did she last make you feel good or celebrated? If you can’t remember, that’s a cause for concern.
Withholding compliments is sometimes intentional and temporary. For example, when a person gets mad at someone else, they might feel so angry that they lose focus on their partner’s good traits.
But if she doesn’t ever compliment you, or if the compliments always seem backhanded or passive-aggressive, consider it a warning sign. Loving partners want to make their significant others feel special.
So if she doesn’t want to make you feel special, what other motives might she have?
5. She Makes Major Decisions without Asking for Your Input
Relationships require consistent communication. When making serious choices, both parties should come together to review potential solutions. Even if you disagree on the outcome, there should be a mutual desire for compromise.
If she’s doing her own thing- without checking in at all-it may mean that she’s either prioritizing her independence or that she no longer cares what you think.
Either way, it could represent a red flag. While your partner shouldn’t necessarily have to ask your permission to do certain things, there should be an inherent level of understanding about what’s going on.
6. She Shows Less Interest in Spending Time with Family and Friends Together
When you’re happily committed, you usually want to merge your support systems together. Subsequently, you may look forward to holiday gatherings and social events with your partner’s loved ones.
According to Ray Sadoun, medical reviewer and addiction advocate, “when someone is proud of their partner and sees their relationship continuing, they tend to want their partner to get along with their family and friends.
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But if your partner seems to prevent you from spending time with their loved ones, it may mean that they don’t want you to get invested in their family as they see the relationship ending soon.
If the invites have stopped, it may mean that your partner no longer feels as interested. It may also mean that their loved ones have expressed concern, anger, or other tense feelings about your relationship.
7. She Has Poor Eye Contact When Talking
Does your partner actually look at you when you two talk? Or do they keep looking away or towards the ground?
According to Dr. Leda Kaveh, licensed clinical psychologist, “A pattern of no eye contact can be a sign of a breakup or an emotional disconnect.
This is because when people are uncomfortable with something, they tend to avert their gaze from the thing they feel uncomfortable with.”
Kaveh goes on to suggest, “Eye contact is a sign of attraction and love, so if your partner makes eye contact, that means that they are still attracted to you. But, if you’ve noticed a lack of eye contact from your partner, this could be a sign of something worse.
If your partner isn’t feeling loved or appreciated, they may avert their gaze from you. This happens because when people stop feeling attraction for each other, they tend to become more distant. If poor eye contact is a new occurrence, this could mean that your partner is uncomfortable with how you feel about them.”
8. She’s Spending More Time with Male Friends
Having opposite-sex friends isn’t inherently a problem. But when you start considering the signs she doesn’t care anymore, you might want to reexamine her peer group.
Spending more time with friends doesn’t automatically mean someone is having an affair. But it might mean your partner is relying on the friendship to meet other emotional needs. It may also mean they’re considering other options should they decide to exit the relationship.
Some red flags indicating potentially inappropriate relationships include:
- Becoming secretive about her communication with male friends.
- Sudden drastic changes in makeup or physical appearance.
- Valuing privacy around electronics more than usual (i.e., not letting you borrow her phone, setting up new passwords when there weren’t any before).
- Other people sharing concerns about her behavior with male friends.
9. She Seems Less Interested in Improving the Relationship
Healthy relationships require ongoing communication and compromise. There is no perfect dynamic- you both need to come together to reevaluate your relationship’s strengths and weaknesses regularly.
However, she may no longer care much about the relationship if these conversations start waning. Victoria Miretti, dating and relationship coach, says you need to pay attention when “they no longer engage in collaborating with you to better the partnership.”
During times of conflict, partners should try to seek personal accountability for their wrongdoings. But Miretti states this may not happen if a partner starts losing interest in the relationship.
According to her, this action “shows they are no longer willing to put in the effort, may no longer have hope. Worse, they might not care about the outcome anymore.”
10. She Exhibits Narcissistic Traits
Although you may not realize it, it can be incredibly easy to fall in love with a narcissist unknowingly. At first, you may have no reason to feel suspicious- they often appear charming and enchanting. They seemingly can attune to your every need, and they exhibit an intense desire to be close with you.
Their true narcissism may not reveal itself until several months or years into the relationship. Usually, a power conflict emerges once you no longer fulfill their narcissistic supply. At this point, they may devalue you altogether.
Of course, this jarring shift can also be confusing, particularly if she once showered you with endless love and adoration (known as love-bombing). You may believe you did something grotesquely wrong. Or, you might question if it’s even possible to return to old times, where the love felt effortless.
Narcissistic traits vary, but some of the most concerning ones include:
- Failing to respect or even understand your boundaries.
- Alternating between seemingly loving you and hating you.
- Expecting you to cater to their every need without any sense of reciprocity.
- Lashing out when things don’t go their way.
- Acting aloof or withdrawn when you need emotional support.
- Attempting to alienate you from your loved ones or outside interests.
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11. She Does the Bare Minimum in the Relationship
Does your partner expect you to pick up the slack? Do you feel like you’re doing all the chores or budgeting or childcare? Does it seem like she gets away with putting in minimal effort while you’re taking care of everything else?
Sometimes, doing the bare minimum is a sign of stress or other mental health issues (like depression or anxiety). But in a committed, loving relationship, both partners should want to contribute to helping one another.
If she’s doing the bare minimum, it probably means she doesn’t value your needs or time. It also means she may expect you to cover the essentials while she opts to focus on her wants.
12. Other People Share Concerns
Are your friends making off-handed comments about the relationship? Have they pulled you outside to tell you they feel worried? Do they no longer seem as interested in your partner as they once did?
Don’t dismiss what your loved ones have to say. They have your best interests at heart. If they are expressing concern, it probably means something is going on.
It’s a good idea to pay attention to loved ones if they:
- Keep telling you that you deserve better.
- No longer invite your partner to social events.
- Continue picking arguments or criticizing your partner.
- Consistently tell you that you’re being a pushover or being taken advantage of.
13. She’s Talking About Having an Open Relationship
Open relationships refer to sharing consensual, non-monogamous attachments with other people. There is nothing wrong with this kind of dynamic, and some couples find this move provides tremendous benefits- both emotionally and sexually.
But, according to Katie Ziskind, licensed marriage and family therapist, “A sign your partner is no longer interested in the relationship is that they are asking you for an open relationship.”
Partners can maintain open relationships if they commit to adhering to healthy boundaries. But if your partner disrespects those boundaries, it’s a cause for concern. Likewise, if you’ve been in a monogamous relationship, and they suddenly want change, pay attention.
In other words, if you’ve never talked about an open relationship before- and now your partner is gunning for one- it could be a red flag. They may be inadvertently asking for your permission to cheat. Or, they may be trying to have their committed relationship (with you) while also justifying outside sexual exploration.
14. She Always Seems Bored
Relationships should feel intriguing and novel- even if you’ve been together for some time. You both should feel curious about what the future will bring.
Therefore, consistent boredom represents a fundamental problem. It could mean that she just no longer cares about what the relationship entails. It may also mean that she has no desire to do things that will bring sparks to the relationship.
Watch out for signs that include your partner:
- Turning down your efforts to try new activities together.
- Being in a rut (but making little effort to change it).
- Complaining about feeling bored without taking any action to improve the situation.
15. Future Plans Have Seemingly Changed
We’re going to travel to ___! I can’t wait until we ____. You and I need to try ____.
Did your partner once talk candidly about all the things the two of you would inevitably do together? It probably felt refreshing and exciting thinking about all those future adventures.
With that in mind, it’s a warning sign if she’s dropping the word “we.” While the change may seem subtle, it could mean she’s starting to envision a future without you in it.
Persistent ambivalence is also a concern. If she no longer seems interested in solidifying important plans like getting married, having children, or moving in together, it may mean she’s reconsidering her satisfaction in the relationship.
16. She No Longer Argues About The Same Issue
All couples face some conflict. In fact, even relationship experts cite that some issues are simply unsolvable. When that happens, it’s essential to focus more on flexibility, compromise, and acceptance.
That said, there might be cause for concern if your partner no longer seems to care about a particular topic. According to Cheri Timko, relationship coach and certified Gottman therapist, “You might think things have improved because your life is more peaceful. It is possible that they have moved on from the problem, but you had better be sure.
You can understand what they are thinking by asking about the change. Often, a partner will stop arguing because they don’t believe you will ever change, so they think of alternate life options.
For instance, if your partner has frequently been mad when you arrive home late from work without calling, and now they seem ok with it, it would be wise to make sure they really have changed their mind on the issue.”
17. She Doesn’t Support Your Needs
When we love someone, we value their autonomy and boundaries. We respect their dreams and want them to achieve happiness.
If your partner no longer seems interested in supporting you, that’s a concern. It may mean she’s emotionally moving on and focusing exclusively on herself. Likewise, it also suggests that she isn’t willing to talk to you about this shift in the relationship.
18. Her Self-Esteem Has Seemingly Improved Overnight
Any drastic personality changes- even if they appear favorable- may be a red flag. Why? Because emotional change is hard, and it usually takes time, effort, and a conscious commitment.
Therefore, if your partner suddenly seems incredibly confident and happy (without you knowing why), it may be a cause for alarm. Improving self-esteem is often a gradual process-dramatic boosts may suggest nefarious intent.
In some cases, this sign may represent an affair. But it could also mean they have emotionally checked out of the relationship and are now “excited” to move on.
19. She Appears More Secretive
Has she suddenly turned off her location settings on her phone? Does she become jumpy when you ask to borrow her phone? Is she working different hours and staying longer at the office?
Changes in routine are a normal part of life. But if her rationale seems confusing- or if you keep catching her in odd lies- pay attention. It could mean more is going on.
Trust is the backbone of any healthy relationship. Without trust, the quality of your communication and intimacy eventually erodes. Secrecy, therefore, can drastically jeopardize trust. So if she’s keeping secrets- and doesn’t seem fazed by it- it’s a serious red flag.
20. She No Longer Remembers Important Details
Occasional forgetfulness happens to everyone. Chronic forgetfulness, however, represents a problem.
This isn’t so much about forgetting your anniversary or birthday (although that can also be a sign of concern). Instead, it’s about forgetting the other essential parts of your life, such as asking how an interview went or how your cousin (who just had surgery) is recovering.
If this happens, it could mean she no longer pays attention to what you have to say. But, on the other hand, it also could mean that, even if she is listening, she still doesn’t care.
21. She Keeps Threatening to Leave
Talking about wanting to leave the relationship is usually a sign of serious dissatisfaction. In a healthy dynamic, partners want to work it out. Leaving is the last resort- not something that’s generally discussed and open for casual debate.
Furthermore, you should also be cautious if she makes jokes about walking away, filing for divorce, or finding a new partner. Even “harmless” jokes may have serious undertones- her joking might represent a destructive form of gaslighting you into thinking you’re the one who’s overreacting.
22. She Picks Fights About Everything
Does it feel like you can’t even breathe the right way? Does she complain about everything from your ex-girlfriend to your pants to the way you do the dishes?
As mentioned, some conflict is inevitable. But most healthy couples understand the concept of picking their battles. Loving partners naturally want to give each other the benefit of the doubt.
If you’re now the bad guy, her projections may be a reaction to how she really feels about you. For example, when people fall out of love, they may feel bitter or resentful towards their partners.
Instead of ending the relationship, however, she may just continue blaming you for anything that goes wrong. This is usually due to some wavering uncertainty.
For example, she might recognize that she feels upset about the state of your relationship. However, she may still question whether the dynamics are salvageable.
23. She Cheated On You
Cheating isn’t always a sign of falling out of love, but this act of betrayal insinuates major problems in the relationship.
When someone cheats, it means they have prioritized their temporary desires over the integrity of the relationship. It means they are consciously choosing to pursue emotional or sexual needs without including you.
Some people will insist that their cheating meant nothing. They may blame having poor impulse or making a bad judgment call. While these statements may hold some truth, proceed with caution.
Research on infidelity shows that cheaters may be more likely to repeat their unfaithful patterns.
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24. You No Longer Love Her
Take a moment and reflect on how you feel about the relationship right now. You’ve read this entire article about the signs she doesn’t love you anymore. But how do you feel?
Sometimes, we think we love someone because they feel safe or familiar. They provide us with a sense of comfort. But you may have fallen out of love (and might be assuming she has, too).
You may have fallen out of love if you:
- Consistently seek excuses to avoid spending time with her.
- Fantasize often about a new life or a new partner.
- Feel ongoing resentment about your relationship.
- Cannot (or do not want to) forgive your partner for a specific wrongdoing.
Keep in mind that you can’t necessarily help how you feel. While love is a powerful and complex emotion, it’s also a conscious choice. Choosing to love someone requires work and dedication. It’s okay if you no longer want to make that choice.
What to do if a girl doesn’t like you anymore?
Even thinking about ending a long-term relationship with your partner can feel scary. But if you believe she doesn’t care anymore, you owe it to yourself to discover the truth.
In some cases, having a serious heart-to-heart conversation can make a significant difference. In other cases, you may benefit from attending individual or couples therapy to work on your relationship issues.
Stress can affect relationship satisfaction- if you both feel dedicated to working towards connection, it’s absolutely possible to improve the situation.
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But if she doesn’t love you anymore- and she isn’t showing any signs of wanting to grow, change, or compromise- it may be time to reevaluate your priorities.
Remember that you deserve a loving relationship, and an ideal girlfriend or wife will support and embrace you having your own life and goals. They will also validate and accept you for who you are- no matter what adversities you two face.