Last Updated on September 14, 2021 by Alexander Burgemeester
You are dating with a nice guy and slowly falling in love with him. You are fantasizing about how it will be to make love to him but you are not sure yet. And how do you know if he wants to make love to you?
As important as it is to know the real deal about his intentions, it’s equally important to know whether or not he’s serious about you. Let’s first discuss the subtle difference between making love and having sex, how can you tell the difference?
Then we will discuss 14 signs he “just wants sex” with you and 31 signs he wants to make love to you.
“Making Love” vs. “Having Sex”: Is There a Difference?
There’s a big difference between “making love” and “having sex.” It lies in the emotional component, or lack thereof, behind his desire to make love to you.
When he wants to “make love” with you, it means he’s serious about you and wants a proper relationship. He’s in it for the long haul.
Meanwhile, when he wants to “have sex” with you, then he just wants to get into your pants maybe once or twice. He has no interest in being in a long-term relationship with you, no matter what he says.
It’s easy to see why that can be dangerous.
This article will help you understand the difference between the two situations, plus the signs that will tell you which situation you’re in. That way, you can make smarter decisions in your relationship with him and make sure you stay safe and happy.
H2: 14 Signs He Just Wants Sex With You
Let’s start with the worse situation—he’s just after a hookup, and he plans to dump you after he’s had his way with you. What are the signs he just wants sex with you? No matter what he says or does, these signs will show his true agenda:
#1: He Drops Hints About Sex
This is perhaps the clearest sign he could give you. He drops obvious hints about sex, and it’s hard not to notice.
“We could always, you know, just watch Netflix and chill.” Classic, right? It’s also a clear sign he wants quick, no-strings-attached sex.
So what should you do when he drops hints about sex? Naturally, it’ll depend on what you want for yourself. If you’re not in love with him, but you trust him enough to keep your reputation intact if you slept with him, go right ahead. Just remember to stay safe.
Otherwise, if you’re not interested in him—or if you want a serious relationship with him—then resist the urge to give in to him. If you do, chances are you’ll regret it.
#2: He Steers the Conversation Towards Sex
Another clear sign he wants sex is when he steers the conversation towards sex all the time. No matter what you try to talk about with him, the topic always seems to rotate back to sex. He’s persistent about it, and you’ve noticed.
#3: He Tells You About His Fantasies
This one can get creepy. He tells you about the fantasies he hopes to experience in his life, whether it’s threesomes, or public sex, or whatever kink he fancies. Then he asks you for your fantasies.
If you’re okay with talking about your sexual fantasies, humor him. If not, then tell him: “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that stuff.”
If you say that and he still insists, then it’s a clear sign he only wants sex with you.
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#4: His Kisses are Sensual
This is when you kiss, it seems extra sensual. When his kisses are so good, it’s easy to think he really loves you. Be careful, though: It might just be a trick.
Sensual kisses are especially common with narcissistic men. They know the right heartstrings to pull to get what they want out of you. If you want to stay safe, or if you want to make sure he really loves you, hold back on the sex no matter how good his kisses are.
#5: He Talks About You in Your Underwear
This is an enormous sign he only wants sex with you. You both walk by a lingerie store, he looks at the mannequins, and says: “I wonder what you look like in that lingerie,” as an off-hand comment.
When he does that, he’s priming you. He wants to make you assume that you’ll be stripping for him, eventually. So be careful.
#6: He Talks About Giving You a Massage
Likewise, be careful if he offers to give you a massage, especially if it’s a “nice” massage, or if it’s to “make you feel better,” or if it’s to give you a “happy ending.” Suffice it to say, you’ll end up in a compromising spot.
It’s one of the oldest strategies in the book: He gets you to your place, massages you, and gets you in the mood for sex. And if you’re not turned on after the massage, he’ll ask you for one, hoping that one thing will lead to another.
#7: He Tells Naughty Jokes
He makes naughty jokes; he tells sexual stories; he drops innuendos left and right. These are all clear signs he wants quick, easy, no-strings-attached sex. Watch out if the naughty jokes come early in the relationship—if you feel things are escalating way too quickly for your tastes, just back off.
#8: He’s Obsessed With Your Looks
He’s obsessed about you looking good. If you look bad in his opinion, he’ll point it out. He’s so critical of your appearance that it’s already bothering you.
The biggest sign he wants sex with you is when he compliments your “swimsuit areas,” especially when you’ve just met each other. He’s escalating really quickly, and that’s never a good sign.
#9: He Brags About His Body
If it’s early in your dating relationship, there’s really no reason for him to talk about his pecs, his chest, his arms, etc., unless maybe he’s a bodybuilder. Otherwise, he’s priming you to the idea you’ll see him naked soon.
The worst-case scenario is when he tells you about his penis size. When this happens, it means he’s thinking—mistakenly or otherwise—that you have the same thing (a one-night stand) on your mind.
#10: He Invites You to His Place
This is one of the more obvious signs he wants to have sex with you. Inviting you to his place is one of the oldest tricks in the book. In Pickup Artist circles, it’s called the “pull.” It’s the near-universal go-to strategy to end the date, because once you’re alone together in his place, it’s a slippery slope to sex.
If you want to avoid getting trapped in that situation, simply tell him: “Sorry, I had plans for tonight,” or “Sorry, I got to work early tomorrow.”
If he then says, “Next time then?,” simply reply with a “We’ll see.” That puts the ball firmly in your court.
#11: He Lives Alone (Or Makes Sure His Place is Empty)
This is when you do accept his invitation to go to his place. Even if you’ve been there before and nothing happened, you noticed he lived alone—or, if he had roommates, the place was always empty when you arrived.
It’s a sign that the sex eventually will happen. Be careful when he invites you to his bedroom, or offers to give you a massage, or when he brings out the drinks and turns on the music.
#12: His Bedroom is Spic-and-Span
“Hey, want to see my bedroom?” That question is a sign that he has sex on his mind.
It’s also a sign when he doesn’t invite you to his bedroom, but you take a peek at an off-chance, and you see it incredibly neat and tidy. Props like candles and such are a sure sign he prepared for the possibility of sex.
#13: He Tries to Get You in the Mood at His Place
When you’re at his place, he brings out alcoholic drinks and plays romantic music. Take it as a sign he’s trying to get you in the mood. As I mentioned earlier, being alone in his place or yours is a slippery slope to sex.
Also keep an eye out for the following signs:
- His sofa is a loveseat (for two people only)
- There are magazines and coffee table books in front of it
- The TV is in front of the sofa, and it’s logged on to Netflix
These are all planned to get you to sit down beside him and stay there long enough to get into the mood.
#14: He Gives Up After 3 Months of Trying
Here’s some advice: Do you want to be sure he’s serious about you? Then date him for 3-6 months without having sex with him once. If he’s not serious about you, he’ll give up well before the six-month mark.
If he’s only after sex, it’s only a matter of time before he realizes he’s working way too hard on you. So he throws in the towel, stops seeing you, and starts looking for easier women to bed.
So, if you want to avoid a lot of unnecessary heartache and stress, take things slow. Aim for 3-6 month dating relationships to weed out the boys from the men.
What to Do If He Just Wants to Have Sex?
So let’s say you’re convinced he only wants sex, and he’s not interested in a serious relationship even if he says he is. What should you do next?
That largely depends on what you want for yourself. If you’re playing the dating game for fun and hookups—and there’s no judgment here—then go ahead.
All I suggest is that you keep yourself safe. Make sure you trust him with your safety and reputation. Otherwise, avoid the slippery slopes, turn down invitations, and observe the “3-6 month rule.”
H2: 31 Signs He Wants to Make Love to You
Now let’s look at good signs—that is, he’s serious about you. He doesn’t want a meaningless one-night stand. He wants to make love with you over and over for the rest of your lives together.
H3: What It Means When a Guy Says He Wants to Make Love to You
Let’s face it: When a man dates a woman, sex is always in his mind. Men think about sex just as much as women do. And why not? Sex is nice.
And sometimes, some guys are just open with their feelings. They want to get really, really intimate with you.
The thing is: Some men just want casual sex. These are the guys who just want to sleep around without having to commit to anything. To these men, dating is all about physical attraction and not much else.
Depending on what you want for yourself, you might want to steer clear of these guys.
Others are more serious. They want a serious relationship with a wonderful woman. It’s not just about physical attraction, but physical intimacy, too. And if that’s what you want as well, then these guys are the ones to look out for.
The challenge is to know the difference. How? By knowing the signs, of course.
And here’s the good news: There are lots of signs out there that show he loves you and respects you—even if he’s hiding his feelings. Here are the signs to watch out for:
#1: He Doesn’t Insist on Sex if You Don’t Want It
This is perhaps the biggest sign of respect you can get from a man who loves you. Even several months into your dating relationship, if he knows you don’t want sex, he respects it. And he stays anyway. “True love waits,” as they say.
When he’s still dating you past the 6th month, it’s a fairly good sign he’s serious about you. And if you made love to him then, it’s probably safe. He won’t suddenly lose interest and dump you. He’s in it for the long haul.
#2: His Eyes Don’t Lie
Also, trust your intuition. If you see it in his eyes, the way he looks at you, that he loves you, then that’s a good sign. He doesn’t need to tell you—you both already know it.
#3: He Dresses Up for You
Does he look starkly better when he’s on date with you? Or when you give him some fashion and grooming advice, does he take your fashion advice? If he does, it means your validation is important to him—which wouldn’t be the case if he only wanted a hookup.
#4: He Enjoys Showing You Off
Does he like “showing you off” to his friends, family, and co-workers? Does he post photos of you together on social media, even when he’s technically not your boyfriend yet? These are signs he’s very excited to be.
When he enjoys showing you off, it means he’s not afraid of the most important people in his life holding him to his “claim” on you. He’s dead serious about taking things all the way with you.
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#5: He Cares About Your Opinion
When he’s about to make an important decision in his life, does he ask for your opinion on it, even if it doesn’t involve you? If he does, that means he’s careful not to offend or turn you off. Yet another sign he’s serious about you.
#6: He Deepens His Voice With You
It’s a scientific fact: When a man is attracted to you, he deepens his voice even without knowing it. It’s a dead giveaway of his true feelings for you.
So do a quick check. When he’s with you, is his voice deeper than when he’s with other people (such as when you’re in a mixed group)? If it is, then chalk that up as yet another sign he’s really, really into you.
#7: He Can Be Vulnerable With You
This is when he gets rid of the “macho” image and is 100% upfront with you, especially with his fears, weaknesses, and flaws. He’s open to your criticism and correction, and even eager to hear about it.
#8: He Drops His Hobbies to Spend Time With You
Have you ever needed his help when you knew he was out with friends or chilling at home? Did he come to your aid, regardless? If he did, that’s a sign you’re important to him—more so than his hobbies.
Fair warning, though: It might not be a good sign if he makes you his top priority all the time. If he does, then he’ll get more and more needy over time, and you’ll get more and more frustrated and dissatisfied.
#9: He Tells You You’re Beautiful
Take note: The word is “beautiful.” He doesn’t use the words “hot” or “sexy,” which is a hookup invitation. It means he loves every bit about you, head to toe.
#10: He Wants to Be Your Hero
Has he ever helped you out of a major bind? Or at the very least—have you ever told him about a gigantic problem you had, and then watched him try to solve it for you?
Fewer signs of his love can be clearer than that.
#11: He’s Considerate of Your Needs
This is when he acknowledges your uniqueness, and he takes time to learn all about your needs, wants, goals, dreams, and fears. He keeps them in mind as your relationship progresses, as though they were the “rules” he had to follow.
#12: He’s Not Afraid of PDA
PDA means “Public Display of Affection,” by the way. And he’s not afraid of holding your hand, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, or kissing you in public. If he was just interested in a hookup, he’d avoid PDA in fears of being spotted by the other women in his life.
#13: He Takes the Courtship Route
This might seem backward in a “progressive” age, but the courtship route still has a certain charm to it. It worked well enough for our grandparents, who enjoyed much lower divorce rates than we do today. Is he hedging his bets? If he is, it’s a good sign.
#14: He’s Jealous of the Other Guys in Your Life
When you talk about one of your other male friends, his mood turns sour. He may even make snide remarks about the other guy, even if he has never met him. Why would he do that? It simply means he wants you all to himself, that’s what.
Fair warning, though: While you can be sure he’s serious about you, his jealousy may reveal his insecurity. He may not be all that sure of himself and his ability to “win” you. And so he responds with helplessness and desperation when another guy comes into the picture.
#15: He Tunes In When You Talk About Relationships
When you talk about past relationships (or about love in general), does he tune right in? Does he listen carefully and consider your opinion?
If he does, you can bet he’s scouting. He’s looking for the “requirements” to win your heart. And that’s a good sign.
#16: He’s Touchy-Feely With You
This is when he’s not shy about touching, cuddling, pawing, necking, and kissing—even months into your relationship. If he were only looking for a hookup, he’d get bored with it all after a few weeks.
#17: He’s Affectionate Even Outside the Bedroom
Let’s say you’re already sleeping with each other. Is his bond with you getting stronger instead of weaker? Is his love growing instead of fading?
That’s a grand sign he’s serious about you. If he wasn’t, he would have lost interest after one or two romps in the sheets.
#18: You Catch Him Glancing at You
If you’re not in a relationship, but you’re working and studying together, then you might have caught him glancing at you a few times. He’s trying to catch your eye, and he isn’t shy to show it. That’s yet another sign he likes you that way.
#19: He Goes Out of His Way to Be With You
Does he still go spend time with you even when his schedule is tight? If he does, that means he enjoys your company, and he values your relationship more than his work—something only a truly serious man would do.
#20: He’ll Plan Dates Instead of Hookups
When he plans your dates, they’re always proper dates—with a fun activity, dinner, coffee or drinks… you get the idea. He doesn’t plan hookups or settle for the old “Netflix and chill” routine—you’re too good for that.
#21: His Body Language Shows It
When you’re talking to him, his body is directed to you. He’s attentive and slightly tense, as though he wants everything to go perfectly. Again, these are signs you’re more important to him than a chance hookup.
#22: He Emotionally Connects With You
Emotional connection is sometimes called “Chemistry.” You simply feel that special “spark” between you, whether you’re together or apart. Conversations and interactions are effortless.
#23: He Always Invites You to Be His Companion
For events where he needs a partner, he always asks you to join him—and no one else. You’re always his +1.
#24: He Takes Things Slowly With You
Even if he’s the type to take the lead in your relationship, he goes at your pace. He won’t push if you’re not ready, and will slow down if you ask him to.
#25: He Listens to You When You Need to Rant
This one’s bigger than you think. Most guys don’t have the patience to listen to their girlfriends or wives rant. Even fewer men know you’re looking for sympathy, not solutions, when you rant.
If he has both qualities, that should tell you that (1) he’s serious about you, and (2) he’s mature enough to handle a serious relationship with you. Lucky you!
#26: He Can’t Get Enough of You
Do you sometimes feel he’s obsessed over you? That’s another good sign, as it tells you he’s really, really interested in you.
Of course, as you might expect, there’s a drawback. If you keep him waiting too long, he might leave and never come back to you. So enjoy his attention, but don’t take it for granted.
#27: He Replies to Your Messages Quickly
Have you noticed that he replies to your texts, missed calls, and private messages very quickly, even during business hours or late at night? Again, that tells you he considers you even more important than his work and hobbies.
Still, do be careful. This extra-careful attention is usually normal early on in a relationship. If he suddenly stops replying to your messages promptly enough, it tells you he may have been looking for a hookup from the beginning and has given up the ruse.
#28: He Compliments More Than He Flirts
Is he more polite than flirty? Sure, that may sound boring, and probably not good for sexual tension. But it tells you one thing: He’s being careful with your feelings. He doesn’t want to lose you, and that’s a good thing.
The good news is that it’s easy to encourage him to be flirtier later on, so don’t get turned off if he’s too nice.
#29: He’s the Perfect Gentleman
He holds doors, pulls out chairs, and helps carry your stuff. It’s old-fashioned, but just like courtship, there’s a certain charm. It’s nice to be pampered once in a while, right?
That being said, it’s important to know this distinction: Is he gentlemanly because he wants to impress you, or is it because that’s just the way he is? If it’s the former, he’s probably trying to pull one over you, so watch out.
#30: He Calls You Out of the Blue
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“Hi, just wanted to chat.”
“Hey, I was wondering what you’re up to.”
These little random calls may sound like sweet nothings, but they’re all good signs he’s interested in you that way.
#31: He’s Still Around After 6 Months
If you’ve been dating without sex for six months or more and he’s still around, then that’s your best guarantee he’s serious about you. Most players would quit by now, but he’s still here.
Again, keep in mind that sex is always on his mind, as it is on 99% of the men you meet in the dating game. If he’s able to hold himself back for more than six months, it means he doesn’t just want to have sex with you.
He wants to make love to you. And that’s a beautiful thing.
What Making Love Means to a Man
Again, men like sex just as much as women do. Their readiness to have sex is “on” almost all the time.
Here’s the thing, though: As much as men enjoy sex, they don’t attach the same emotional meaning to it as women do. That’s why it’s easy for a guy to roll over and start snoring after sex while you stay awake, on a high, wanting to cuddle.
That’s why it’s important to know if a guy wants to “have sex” or “make love” to you. Only the latter option will give you any measure of guarantee that he’ll stick around.
How Do You Know if a Guy Enjoys You in Bed?
To keep things short, you’ll want to observe two phases: How he is during sex, and how he is after sex.
During your special intimate moment, you’ll know he enjoys you when:
- He kisses you like he’s never kissed you before
- He holds your hand and says your name
- You can hear it in his moans and groans
After sex, you know he had a good time when:
- He’s super-cuddly, like he can’t get enough of you
- The pillow talk is awesome and dreamy
- His afterglow is deep—like he’s high on something
- He tells you he loved it, or he compliments you on how “dirty” you were
These are some of the signs to look out for if you want to make sure he enjoys making love to you.
How Do You Tell if a Man is Attracted to You, But Hiding It?
Also keeping things short, look at his actions, not his words. A man can hide his feelings by pretending he only sees you as a friend, but if his actions say otherwise:
- He’s there whenever he needs you
- He never wants to hurt you or offend you
- You feel he’s attracted to you, but it’s like he’s waiting for you to make the first move
How to Tell Him You Want It Too
Do you want to sleep with him, but don’t want to sound dirty or desperate? It’s understandable to hesitate—after all, your reputation is on the line. Luckily, the time-honored tradition of “dropping hints” still works.
So go ahead—drop hints and see if he picks up. It’s a great test to see if he’s a smart, savvy guy who understands women. If he picks up on your hints, that’s a great sign. If he doesn’t, then you probably wouldn’t want to pursue a relationship with the poor, clueless guy.
Read The Signs
So go ahead: Read the signs. Does he want to have sex with you? Or does he want to make love with you? Decide what you want for yourself, see where he’s coming from, and decide where to go from there. Have fun!