Last Updated on February 8, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
For many women, starting to date a new guy can be both an exciting and worrisome time. Getting to know someone new and finding out that you click in ways you never thought you could is enough to put you on cloud nine. After the first few dates, you begin to finally get to know the person better and can even become interested in turning this casual fling into a serious relationship.
While you might really like him, there may still be a little voice inside your head that’s questioning how serious he is about you. You may find yourself wondering, “Why doesn’t he text back consistently? Why hasn’t he introduced me to his parents yet? Why hasn’t he asked me to be his girlfriend yet?”
While there may be some signs that make it seem like he’s interested, you still find yourself feeling unsure. You know that you want something more exclusive, but he hasn’t exactly been straightforward about wanting the same. So now you’re here, hoping to find some clues as to where the two of you stand.
To ensure that you’re not wasting your time, here are some of the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
How Do You Tell If a Guy Isn’t Serious About You?
It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that the guy you’re head over heels for isn’t as serious about you. It can start with a gut feeling that won’t go away. However, without any idea of the clear-cut signs, it can be hard to know if your feelings are right.
While you might be hoping that he’s as interested as you are, being in denial of the signs won’t help move things forward.
Some of the signs he doesn’t want you can include being hot one day and cold another, refusing to make concrete plans with you, bailing on plans, or even shamelessly letting you know that he’s still seeing other women.
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Choosing to ignore these obvious signs will only lead to heartbreak further down the road. To avoid endless heartache at the hands of this man, pay attention to the signs he doesn’t take you seriously.
25 Bad Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You
1. He’s inconsistent in his communication with you
On good days, he’s texting you consistently and always has a way to keep the conversation going. It feels like the spark between the two of you could never go out. On other days, you barely hear a peep from him. It’s as if he has completely disappeared off the face of the earth.
His communication with you is inconsistent at best, and you never know what to expect next. Will he text you “good morning” tomorrow or will you not hear from him until two or three days later?
Or will he text you asking you, “What’s up?,” only to leave you hanging after you’ve made the effort to respond. This type of inconsistency shows that he’s not prioritizing the relationship and in fact, he may be texting other girls.
2. He only texts you and never calls you
On the topic of communication, if he only ever texts you then that may show that he’s not as interested in getting to know you.
While some guys may be awkward and shy, a truly interested guy will brush that aside and make the effort to set up plans. He’ll make the effort to get you on the phone because he wants to get to know you and even hear your voice.
If he’s not calling you to ask about how your day has been going or to just chat and catch up, then he may not be that into you.
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3. He’s still thinking about his last relationship
One of the clear signs he is not interested in having a relationship with you is if he’s still hung up on his ex. Did he recently get out of a serious relationship or has he gone through a divorce?
Everybody has relationship baggage, but if he’s still in love with his ex then he may not be able to give you a serious relationship.
Pay attention to how he talks about his ex and if she’s still involved in his life in any way. He may be too involved with his past to give you any hope of a future together.
4. He’s distracted when he’s hanging out with you
What’s his behavior like when the two of you make plans to hang out? Do you notice that he’s constantly checking his phone?
Do you happen to have to repeat what you’ve just said several times for him to even respond? These are all a bad sign that he’s not interested in being present with you.
Being distracted while hanging out with someone is a clear sign that they are not interested in being there in the first place. A man who is interested in taking the relationship to the next level will want to make sure that you know that he’s completely into you and paying attention to what you have to say.
5. He’s emotionally unavailable
Getting your heart broken is a painful experience for everyone involved. After a particularly bad break-up, some people find themselves completely shutting themselves out of relationships and any situations where they have to be vulnerable.
An emotionally unavailable man is not able to give you the type of closeness that you desire. He may not be able to trust and can be too afraid to open up to someone again.
This makes him out of touch and you may notice that he has barriers up to protect him from getting close to you. While you might feel comfortable being vulnerable, it’s obvious that he has no interest in reciprocating that energy.
This in turn can make you feel unwanted and undesired and is a major sign that he doesn’t want a relationship. This is a clear sign to begin distancing yourself from him.
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6. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family
When a guy starts to get serious about a girl he’s dating, he’s going to want to introduce her to the people that mean the most to him.
Introducing you to his friends is a great way to see how you fit into his life and is a warm-up to the eventual family meeting. Meeting those closest to him is a way to make you a bigger part of his life. It’s also a way to show off someone that he’s proud to be with.
However, if you’ve been dating for a few months and he still hasn’t made any mention of inviting you to hang out with his friends or to go over to his parent’s house for the holidays, then he doesn’t see a future for the two of you.
7. His conversations with you always seem to come back to him wanting to get laid
Think about the types of conversations the two of you are usually having when you call or text. Does he usually ask you about your day and how you’re doing or do the conversations seem to always revolve around sleeping together?
If the main topic of conversation is nudes and dirty texts then he may just see you as a booty call.
Booty calls are great if all you’re looking for is a ‘friends with benefits’ situation, but if you’re looking for something more then this shows that he’s not interested in that.
This is especially true if he’s always way too busy during the day when you try to make plans, but somehow always has time at night to come see you.
8. He enjoys being single
Some men prefer the single life and aren’t interested in committing to one girl. This could be because he’s young and wants to meet lots of women or he could simply be emotionally unavailable and doesn’t want to get too close to anyone.
If he likes being single and sleeping with women with no strings attached, then he’s probably not too concerned with the future of your relationship together.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying being single and wanting to date other women. However, if he’s not straightforward with you about what he wants or is pretending he’s interested in you without his actions lining up, then ignoring this red flag will lead to unnecessary heartbreak.
9. He seems to always be annoyed with you
Everything about you annoys him and drives him crazy. The way you laugh or the puns you make that he used to think were cute or funny he now can’t stand.
You’re starting to wonder why he suddenly can’t stand to be around you anymore. Everyone can get stressed or tired, especially if they’re having a bad day or a stressful work situation. However, if he’s always irritated, this is a sign that he’s not interested in something serious with you as well as a clear sign of him losing interest.
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10. He makes no effort to define the relationship
Not everybody cares about putting a label on a relationship. Some people are happy to just be together and date without defining the situation.
However, if you’ve been dating for a while and you’ve brought up the question, “where is this going?” or “what are we?”, without a concrete answer from him, that’s not a good sign.
Even if you don’t want to put a strict label on things, it’s important to know where the two of you stand, especially if you’re interested in something more serious. At this point, if he keeps evading the question, then it’s time to start reevaluating the situation.
11. He doesn’t prioritize you
In our world of high-powered jobs, friendships, and constant access to the internet, it’s normal to find yourself busy. A worthwhile guy will have big goals that he’s looking to accomplish and all the ambition to go with it. When you’re dating a guy with big dreams, it’s not unusual to find that his schedule isn’t clear 24/7. It’s important to be understanding if he is genuinely busy.
However, even the busiest man will find a way to clear his schedule for the woman he loves. If he makes zero effort to spend time with you or clear his schedule to go out on dates, then he’s not prioritizing your connection.
If he makes promises such as to call but doesn’t on more than one occasion, it’s a sign that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
12. He never posts any photos of the two of you on his social media accounts
To be fair, many people are incredibly private and don’t like using social media to broadcast parts of their life that they’d rather keep private.
However, if he’s the type of guy who is constantly sharing life updates on his social media, then it could be a red flag if he doesn’t post the two of you. You may want to begin rethinking your connection, as he may not want other girls knowing that he’s dating someone. Or worse, he may be dating someone else.
13. He’s still dating other women
When it comes to dating, many people’s end goal is to end up in a monogamous relationship. If that’s what you’re looking for, then you’re going to eventually want for the two of you to stop seeing other people.
It can be a pretty bad sign if you’ve been dating for a while and you’ve stopped seeing other people and he still hasn’t. It could mean that he’s still keeping his options open or isn’t looking for an exclusive relationship at all. Either way, it’s become obvious that he’s not going to commit to you.
14. You never get to know him on a deeper level
Surface-level conversations are great when you first start dating. It’s fun finding out and sharing what your favorite shows, movies, and foods are.
This is a great way to learn more about the other person and see if you have similar interests. However, as the dates progress, it’s normal to begin to have more thoughtful conversations to deepen the connection.
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This includes talking about your childhoods, sharing stories about your friends and family, and getting to know them past a superficial level. However, if he isn’t looking for something more serious, then he’s going to withhold a lot of personal information.
15. He says that things are moving too fast
When a relationship feels right, the timing of everything seems to be completely in sync. You both are excited to take the next big steps together and it feels like your bond is growing stronger each day.
However, if you’re bringing up putting a label on things or expressing interest in meeting each other’s families and he begins to pull away – that’s a sign that he’s not looking for that.
He may even tell you directly that he feels like everything between the two of you is moving too quickly for him. For a relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page about where things are going.
If you’ve been dating for a while and he feels like commitment is still a far-out idea, then he’s not fully invested.
16. He goes back and forth on what he wants
One of the worst signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you is if he doesn’t know what he wants in general. Do you happen to notice that he’s always changing his mind about what he’s looking for?
One day he swears he wants to give you the world and the next he’s emotionally distant and asking for space. Or maybe you notice that he wants to continue leading his high-powered life but also says that he wants to make time to commit to you, but is constantly flip-flopping between the two.
When a man doesn’t know what he wants, he’ll keep you hanging on hoping that he’ll fully commit when he truly can’t.
17. His dating profile is still up
The story always plays out the same. You meet this fantastic guy off of a dating app and were so smitten that you knew you wanted to get rid of your dating profile.
You’re excited to finally have met someone who you believe is on the same page as you, and then you discover that he never took down his dating profile.
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If he’s still swiping right on other women, then you can bet that he’s still keeping his options open. At this point, you can either have the tough, “What are we?” conversation or cut your losses and accept that he’s not as invested as you are.
18. He’s giving lots of other women attention all over social media
When a guy is single, especially if he’s been single for a while, he’s used to flirting with lots of other available women. Eventually, it becomes a habit and social media has only made his access to women even easier. If you haven’t made the relationship exclusive, then you don’t have the grounds to be jealous or tell him to stop his flirtatious behavior.
However, as more time passes and he still hasn’t brought up monogamy and is still liking tons of other girls’ photos and commenting on their pictures, then the reality may not be what you want to hear.
At this point, it may be time to acknowledge that the chances of turning this connection into a monogamous relationship are growing slim. While some more time might change things, there’s no real guarantee.
19. He makes you feel guilty for even bringing up the idea of a serious relationship
Asking the guy that you’ve been dating about where the two of you stand is never easy. For starters, you’re putting yourself out there in a highly vulnerable position.
By asking him this question, you’re letting him know that you care about him and your connection. There’s nothing braver than putting your feelings out there. So if he makes you feel bad about bringing this conversation up, then it’s a major wake-up call.
His making you feel bad about bringing up your wants and needs is a clear sign that he’s not emotionally mature and isn’t ready for a serious relationship to begin with.
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Getting rejected never feels good, but being made to feel bad about stating your feelings is even worse. If you’re looking for an exclusive relationship, then you deserve one with a man who is willing and happy to be in one.
20. He’s always making excuses as to why he can’t be exclusive with you
Is he making excuses every time you bring up wanting to be in a committed relationship?
How familiar do these excuses sound:
“I just need more time.”
“I’m working on myself and once I’m in a better place we can talk about it.”
“I think we need to get to know each other more before we fully commit.”
While getting to know someone before committing is the healthiest way to start a new relationship, after some time these excuses begin to fall flat.
It’s so easy to want to fall into the “cool” girl trope and pretend that you’re okay with the constant excuses. However, if you continue to find that his timing for commitment is never falling in sync with yours, then it’s time to accept this relationship isn’t going anywhere.
21. He says he doesn’t want a relationship
Some men aren’t that difficult to read. If he tells you flat out that he’s not interested in a serious relationship with you, then you should take that as the honest truth.
It’s easy to hear him say that and begin to plan all the ways that you’ll win him over and change his mind. However, this is the easiest way to waste your time and wind up with a broken heart.
Even if he hints at a possible future, it’s better to just believe a man when he says that he’s not looking for something serious.
22. He seems to use you a lot
While there are a lot of great men out there, unfortunately, there are also men who don’t feel bad about using a woman for their own enjoyment.
They pretend as though they’re interested in a relationship with you, but their actions seem to say the exact opposite. Pay attention to when he’s asking you to hang out. Do you notice that he doesn’t have a car and is always asking you to drive him places?
Does he expect you to pay for lunch and then he goes ghost for a few days until he needs something again? This type of guy is a user and he’s not interested in anything but a free ride and lunch.
23. The two of you started off as friends
Dating and falling in love all happen after spending a lot of time with someone that you happen to instantly click with. That’s why, sometimes, we find ourselves falling in love with our best friend.
If the two of you started your relationship off as a platonic friendship, it can be hard to transition into something more. Especially if he sees you as just a friend and doesn’t want to risk losing the friendship if the romantic relationship doesn’t pan out as planned.
In this kind of situation, it can be hard to be vulnerable and admit you have feelings as getting rejected could still negatively impact your friendship.
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If he really only sees you as a friend and hasn’t made any hints towards anything deeper, then chances are he’s either shy and afraid to say anything or he sees you as a friend only.
24. You don’t go out on real dates
What are the two of you doing when you hang out? Does he take you out to the movies, or to dinner, or to see the latest movie release?
Or are you always going over to his house? Are you always meeting him at the bar closest to his place for one drink before you wind up in bed together? If he never makes the effort to actually take you out and plan a real date, then he doesn’t see you as someone worth investing time in.
He’s making sure that all of the plans are convenient for him and that shows that he doesn’t value you or your time.
25. He acts differently towards you when you’re around other people
When the two of you are together and alone, you notice that he’s always affectionate towards you. He’s happy to snuggle with you, kiss you, and be intimate with you in many ways.
However, once you’re out in public or around some friends, he immediately withdraws from you and becomes ice cold. While some people don’t like to engage in public displays of affection for many good reasons, it becomes a serious issue when he withdraws entirely.
If he doesn’t want to hug and kiss in front of other people, that’s fine, as long as he’s still always warm towards you and keeps you involved in the conversations, etc. However, if he’s creating a huge distance between the two of you then that’s a bad sign that he doesn’t want a relationship.
Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
Are you wondering why after all this time spent together he’s still keeping you around despite not making things official? It’s as though he doesn’t want to fully let you go, but also refuses to give you the commitment that you’re asking for. He won’t make your relationship official but he’s happy to keep stringing you along.
If you’re tired of wondering and guessing, here are the top reasons why he keeps you around despite not wanting a relationship.
1. He’s lonely
Humans are inherently a social species and that’s why being or even feeling alone can be so terrifying for us. Feeling like we’re all alone can make us feel uncomfortable and that’s why so many of us are on a constant hunt to find someone to love.
So if the guy you’ve been seeing keeps telling you that he’s not interested in a relationship with you, then he may just be keeping you around to avoid feeling alone.
You may be wondering to yourself, “If I’m already around and he feels alone, why not just commit to me already?” The reality here is that he likes having you around to keep him from feeling lonely but he doesn’t like you enough to commit.
He sees you as the perfect backup plan – someone who is always around when he needs it. So if he’s been keeping you around without committing, then it could be because he doesn’t want to be alone.
2. He’s insecure and indecisive
A guy who tells you or shows you with his actions that he doesn’t want a relationship, but still keeps you around, is probably an insecure person.
When a person is insecure, they often have a hard time making definitive decisions and being confident in those decisions. He tells you he doesn’t want to be serious, and then his attitude starts to change the very next day. He begins to wonder if he’s making the right choice and is constantly going back and forth with both of your feelings.
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Since he’s constantly second-guessing himself, his internal instability will begin to leak onto you and how you feel about things. A secure man, on the other hand, will confidently make his decision and stick by it.
An insecure man will also question his worth and may even feel like he doesn’t deserve love, especially not yours. He may also not have strong enough feelings for you but is too afraid to admit it because he doesn’t believe he can find somebody else who will fall in love with him. Either way, a guy like this will string you along to feed his ego and will constantly have you wondering where things are going.
3. He enjoys sleeping with you
This one will come off as the most obvious to many women. There are a lot of men out there who are interested in one thing only: physical intimacy. Some of them are so focused on this goal, that they will do whatever it takes to become intimate with a woman. Even if that means stringing her along in hopes of turning things into a more serious relationship.
When a guy shows you that he’s not interested in a serious relationship but still keeps you around, then it may be because he’s only interested in sleeping with you.
There’s nothing wrong with having a friend with benefits situation if that’s what you’re looking for as well. In this kind of situation, you need to be honest with yourself and the expectations you have for the relationship.
If you’re looking for a serious commitment from him and all he can give you is a night in his bedroom, then this may not be the best situation for you.
4. He’s grown comfortable with you around
Sometimes, men keep you around because they’re comfortable with you. Once a habit has been built, it can be difficult to break it. He may have grown used to the Saturday night Netflix nights he has with you or the Thursday trips to your favorite pizza spot. There’s a lot of activities that he enjoys doing with you that he may not want to or be ready to give up.
This is especially true as many people find it difficult to change. With you no longer there, he’d have to figure out another way to spend his time or someone else to spend it with.
Since he’s already established a certain comfort level with you, he may not want to have to go through the process of doing that again with someone new.
At this point, you’ve become a comfortable space for him that he doesn’t want to let go of. This will, in turn. wind up having you feel confused about the entire situation.
5. He’s a player keeping his options open
He’s a smooth talker who knows exactly how to lure you back in every time he says he doesn’t want something serious with you. Maybe you tell yourself this is the last time you’ll go back, but then he texts you and asks to hang out and you immediately swoon over him.
Sadly, if your guy is a player, then he’s keeping you around because he’s keeping his options open while still enjoying the pleasure of your company.
Maybe he enjoys dating several girls at once and doesn’t want to commit to anyone. Or maybe he’s keeping you around until he finally meets a girl that he believes will make him want to finally commit. Either way, he’s keeping you on the back burner until something better comes along.
What To Do When A Guy Tells You He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
It can be hard to figure out what to do after a guy tells you that he doesn’t want a committed relationship. Do you walk away completely and give up all hope on the connection?
Or do you stick around and hope that you can have him fall in love with you? Sometimes some men really do just need some more time while others will simply string you along for as long as it’s convenient for them.
If you’ve been struggling with figuring out your next move, then here’s a list of your best options.
1. Accept the reality
When a guy tells you that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, believe him. Don’t convince yourself that he’s playing hard to get or just doesn’t know what he wants yet.
It can be hard to accept the reality for what it is and it can also be a pretty huge ego blow, however, chasing after a person who has made it clear that they’re not interested will just end up getting you hurt.
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Instead, accept things for what they are and do your best to move on. This is especially important if you’ve made it clear to him that you’re looking for a serious monogamous relationship.
2. Let him know that you understand
When a man is straightforward with his feelings, the best thing you can do is accept his response and acknowledge that you understand.
No one is ever obligated to commit to us and his honesty should be met with respect. You may be tempted to lose your cool or ask him a million questions to answer the underlying, “Why not?”, but none of it will make it feel any better.
By simply saying, “Ok, I understand,” you also give him the space to explain further should he choose to do so. At this point, it’s up to you to decide if you want to keep in contact.
3. Trigger his ‘Hero Instinct’
If you have your heart set on winning him over, then work to trigger his hero instinct. The hero instinct was first coined by James Bauer in his popular book His Secret Obsession. Bauer states that a man wants to feel needed by you and when a man feels like he doesn’t provide anything to your life, he’ll begin to lose interest.
However, if you can trigger his primal instinct to protect and care for his loved ones, then he’ll be absolutely infatuated.
You can do this in several different ways. Don’t shy away from asking for his help, even if it’s something as simple as opening a jar. If he sees you as independent and you suddenly need his help with a task, he’ll begin to feel like he has an active role in your life.
When he helps you with whatever you’ve asked of him, make sure to layer on the praise and let him know how appreciated he is. These small ways of boosting his confidence can go a long way in winning him over.
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