She’s Not Texting me Like She Used to! What’s Wrong?

Last Updated on September 20, 2021 by Alexander Burgemeester

You have been seeing a girl. Things were going great, or at least you felt so. One day, she stops texting.

“I have met this incredible girl and we went for a first date. I felt that we had a connection; we had similar interests, we laughed and it seemed that we shared the same life values.

I was very excited, after the date we kept talking every day until one moment when she stopped texting me… I tried to ask her out again but she was very cold and distant. I don’t know if I did or say something wrong if she’s playing games or she has simply lost interest.”

Do you recognize yourself in this story? I bet yes. Most probably, because it is more common than you’d think. Maybe you are asking yourself: “She’s not texting me like she used to. What did I do wrong? What do I do now?”. No worry,you are not alone.

In this article, we are going to explore 5 possible reasons why a girl stopped talking or texting every day and what you can do if a girl doesn’t reply anymore as she used to.

When She Stops Texting

We already know the scenario: all of a sudden, she is “busy” all the time and she doesn’t seem excited to talk to you anymore. You want to understand why she is acting in this way and what you have to do to make her interested in you again.

Ghosting

Did you know that there is a term that defines your experience right now? It is called “ghosting” and it defined a situation when someone suddenly discontinues contact with another person to end the relationship.

Ghosting takes different forms, from stopping texting or cutting off contact with someone you’ve dated a few times. Unfortunately, if you are dating, it can happen at any time, no matter how much you invested in the girl and the relationship.

when a girl stops texting you ghosting

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Ghosting is much more about the person who ghosted rather than the person who has been ghosted. If the girl you are dating is not able to tell you honestly that she lost interest, it may be because she doesn’t feel comfortable enough with her feelings or how to approach a delicate situation; she still relies on coping mechanisms such as avoidance and denial.

While both men and women ghost, it is helpful to understand better how women think and what are the reasons they might stop texting you. Let’s go again to the prior example, but this time from the woman’s perspective.

“I have met this guy for a date, a friend set us up. I had fun, he’s cool, but I didn’t feel a connection with him. He seems like a good guy, but I don’t feel we have similar values. He was talking all the time about his career progression and professional aspirations.

Honestly, he barely let me speak about what I do or who I am, it made me a bit uncomfortable and I felt that we want very different things in life. After a few days, he asked me to go out again, but I told him I’m busy. Then he asked me again, and I told him again that I’ll not be available. Third time, the same… I hope he understood the message.”

As you can see, she had her reasons to stop the relationship with him. However, she never shared with him the real reason why she lost interest.

She felt uncomfortable telling him because they have common friends, so instead of talking, she decided to stop texting. It would have been helpful for him to understand why she’s not texting like she used to, but unfortunately, the reality is that sometimes it doesn’t happen.

What to do when she is not texting you like she used to?

First of all, do not react or do something based on assumptions; try as much as possible to understand the situation. Then you can take action knowing if it’s a phase of her life or if she is genuinely not interested in you anymore.

Secondly, take into account the type of relationship you have. It is normal that the more time and energy you invest in any new relationship, the more you feel you would have to lose.

The context is different if you’ve just been together for a few weeks or a few months, if she’s only a girl you’ve met or if she’s officially your girlfriend.

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5 Reasons She is Not texting You Like She Used To

Here are 5 reasons why she is not texting as she is used to. While reading them, think of how they could apply to your unique situation.  

5 Reasons She is Not texting You Like She Used To

#1 She’s just not that into you 

The truth is, sometimes women may keep talking to you because they are still waiting to see if it’s worth it. She didn’t feel a very strong connection, yet she believes you are a good person and wants to see where this goes… until the moment when she realizes that she’s not that into you.

It may be something that you’ve said or did, it doesn’t matter – what matters is that it changed her perception of who you are or the kind of relationship you are looking for.

This is important to keep in mind especially for online dating – be mindful of who you portray yourself to be because any inconsistency might make the woman lose her interest.

#2 Someone better came along 

Dating nowadays is not restrained to only one person. Girls talk and date different men at the same time, using this time to evaluate them and make the right choice.

If she suddenly stops talking to you, she might have decided to move forward with someone else, maybe in a more serious commitment. Or, sometimes worse, she already has someone and she simply decided to stop playing with you!

#3 She is very busy

Yes, she is dating you and talking to you consistently, but don’t forget that everyone has a personal life as well that you don’t know yet much about! Most women have plenty of priorities, such as family, friends, work etc., and sometimes dating is the last on the list. 

Maybe she was talking to you because she didn’t have many things going on at that moment with her, she needed some reassurance or she was feeling lonely.

On the other side, if it is your girlfriend doesn’t text back, you should probably ask her why and try to understand better what are things happening in her life and how you can be there for her. 

#4 You are too pushy 

She feels that you are moving too fast. You are over texting her or already showing signs of falling in love, which most probably, she doesn’t share.

You want her to meet your friends or maybe you already invited her to go on holiday or move in together. She might feel it’s not what she wants, things are moving fast, and that she needs some space. When you act too pushy, most women will start to feel uncomfortable, they will cancel dates with you or, at worst, stop texting you.

If this is the case, give her the space she is asking, be ok with having some distance and focus on your own goals and priorities. If she is genuinely interested in you but just afraid of the speed of the relationship, she will come back somehow. 

#5 She doesn’t feel you are committed 

Nowadays there are so many opportunities out there and, if you have met through online dating, be it Tinder, Bumble etc., it is important to make her know that you are genuinely interested and that she’s not only another match.

You may want to play it safe and not risk too much, too early, but don’t forget that most women love to be and feel desired. If she just wanted to talk about her day or gossip, she would have messaged her friends.

So, if you have seen a girl for a few dates already, make sure you give clear signals that you want to be more than friends. If you don’t, at some point she might feel that you are not that interested and her attraction to you would drop as well. If you don’t do anything, the best-case scenario that you have is being friend-zoned.

What to do when a girl doesn’t reply anymore

As you can see, there are a few reasons of why she stopped texting you (every day). However, don’t assume and, no matter what is the reason, don’t play games.

It is always better to ask and let her know that you are okay to give her space or stop texting her if this is what she wants. In this way you give her the chance to share with you how she feels; most women appreciate that. Then, if she’s not interested, you’ll be able to move on easier.

For most men it is harder to open up, be vulnerable and give part of yourself to someone else, that’s why maybe it feels so hard to be ignored!

It doesn’t feel good when you trust them and start to even imagine a future together with them, and then from their side, there is no reply.  

Such a situation can bring new feelings to you. You might feel ashamed and embarrassed, accept your emotions and be gentle with yourself. It’s normal to not feel good in a shitty situation.

You can talk to someone about it, a friend or a therapist – it will help you realise that you are not alone in it. Unfortunately, you can’t control what she does, so don’t blame yourself! You can only control how you react to the situation.

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Self Reflection Exercise

You can also use this experience as a self-reflection exercise. Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself to learn more about yourself: 

– How does this situation make me feel? 

What are the behaviors that I’ve demonstrated? How did I behave with her while we were texting and during our dates? Was any of my behaviors inappropriate at some point?

– Do I feel that we were sharing similar interests and values? Did we have a strong connection?

Final Thoughts

In the end, it is more important how you handle the situation rather than the situation itself. It is important to remember that just because a girl stops texting you doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. People simply have different beliefs and values; they don’t connect or find similar interests.

Even if you felt a connection from your side, it might have been not shared by the other person, and that’s okay! Try to have a genuine conversation with her and be okay with the fact that maybe you are not a good match. Remember that you are not teenagers in high school, but adults.

If she is not able to give you a mature answer, maybe it is not worth your time. Respect her decision and move on. If she will want to come back to you and have a conversation, she will be writing to you.

If that will be the case, you can decide if you will like to continue the relationship with her or not. In the end, it is not about not having time, but rather making time for the things that matter to us. So, what matters for you?

Written by Alexander Burgemeester on

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more? Read my author bio page.

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