She Doesn’t Want a Relationship But Wants To See Me. Dating Advice!

Last Updated on October 4, 2021 by Alexander Burgemeester

What do you do when you’re dating a girl, she’s told you she really likes you but she’s not interested in a serious relationship right now? It can be confusing when you don’t understand why she’s made this decision.

The good news is that her choice has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her current life circumstances, so don’t take it to heart. Don’t make the mistake of getting advice from friends and family, most of them will accuse her of playing games and tell you to move on.

They mean well, they just don’t understand the complexities of the situation. Ideally, the only person you should be talking to about this is the woman you’re dating. But before you do, keep reading to get some answers to your question, why she doesn’t want a relationship but wants to see me?  

6 Reasons She Doesn’t Want a Relationship and How to Respond

Here are six of the most common reasons why some women don’t want a serious relationship, and how to respond: 

#1 She is Focused on Her Career

Some women believe they can have it all, the career of their dreams, the perfect husband with 2.4 children and the white picket fence. But some women would rather put all their time and energy into their career.

And that’s perfectly fine because the reality of life is that not every woman wants to settle down and get married. You see, relationships take work, it’s a sacrifice that both parties choose to make. And some women are not willing to make that kind of sacrifice for anything other than their careers.

She is Focused on Her Career

How to Respond?

Start looking for someone else. If there’s one thing you don’t want to do, it’s sticking around hoping that she’ll change her mind. Because what could end up happening is that you get so obsessed with trying to make her your girlfriend that one of two things will transpire.

One, she decides that you’re the man of her dreams, compromises, and then when things start going south, she dumps you because she now realizes it was a mistake. There is no such thing as the perfect relationship, even the seemingly happiest couples go through challenges.

But when a woman has put her career on the line for a man, and problems start creeping into the relationship, her first thought is going to be, “Was this a mistake? Because I didn’t sign up for this.”

Second, in order for her to change her mind, you’ll need to use every trick in the book. Basically, you’re going to set an impossible standard for yourself that you won’t be able to keep. So, my advice to you is to look for a woman who wants to have a relationship or you could end up very disappointed.  

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#2 She Hasn’t Got Over Her Ex

Your love interest might have been in a serious relationship that has just come to a sudden end. It may be that she’s not quite sure why the relationship ended and she either needs closure, or she’s hoping they’ll get back together.

Either way, she still has feelings for her ex, and the last thing she wants to do is get into another relationship. 

She Hasn’t Got Over Her Ex

How to Respond?

Give her space, what you want to avoid is becoming the rebound guy. Even if she’s still got feelings for her ex, and she’s not thinking about another relationship, she’s hurting, and another guy pursuing her can become like a comfort blanket.

So there is a chance that she might start dating you to numb her emotions. When her ex hears that she’s dating someone else, there’s a chance he’ll try and get back with her, and if that’s the case, since he’s the one she really wants to be with, you’re getting dumped.

And then when things start going wrong, she’ll come back to you, and you’ll just become the rebound guy multiple times. To avoid this, give her space and let her heal, if she ends up getting back with him, then that’s all you need to know. But if she doesn’t, and she’s in a good space, then go for it. 

#3 She’s Afraid of Getting Her Heart Broken

If her past relationship ended on a bad note, she will want to make sure that she never goes through a situation like that again. So to prevent that, she’s very cautious with new guys that she meets.

Even if she does like you, she doesn’t want to rush into anything just in case you’ve got the same nasty streak as her last boyfriend. 

She’s Afraid of Getting Her Heart Broken

How to Respond?

Speak to her and find out exactly what happened in her last relationship that broke her heart. You see, in some instances, it may have nothing to do with cheating, she may have had certain expectations that he couldn’t meet.

He may of lied to her about something important and that was a deal-breaker for her. Whatever the reason, find out so that you can prove to her that you’re not that guy. Or it may be the case that her standards are so high you know yourself well enough to know that you can’t meet them. In which case, it’s time to say goodbye. 

#4 She Wants to Get to Know You First

You might be ready to dive headfirst into a serious relationship, but she wants to take her time and get to know you better. Unfortunately, there are some very dishonest people in the world, and the face they show you, isn’t who they really are.

So to avoid getting catfished, she wants to make sure that you are who you say you are before she agrees to take things to another level. Additionally, she’s got standards, and strong criteria for the type of guy she wants to get into a relationship with. In which case, it will take a while before she decides whether you tick all her boxes or not. 

She Wants to Get to Know You First

How to Respond?

Be yourself, the last thing you want to do is put on a facade, act like you’re holier than thou, and then she decides to get in a relationship with you, the mask falls off, and the real you is revealed. If she wants to get to know you, let her get to know who you really are instead of pretending to be someone you’re not. 

#5 She Just Wants Casual Sex

One of the many misconceptions in life is that women are incapable of having casual, hot, sexual relationships with men without getting attached and wanting more.

Before I go into this, let me explain the science behind this theory. Basically, men and women are wired differently. Daniel Amen a well known expert in the area of neuropsychology wrote a book called, ‘Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.’ In it, he states that casual sexual relationships rarely work out because the hormone released during sex creates limbic emotional bonding.

A man and a woman can choose to have a one-night stand, but something else is happening in their brains that they are not aware of, and it’s creating an emotional bond between them.

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The woman develops a deeper emotional attachment because her limbic system is larger (the part of our brains that regulates our emotions) than men. So when the guy decides he doesn’t want anything more than sex, she gets upset.

The bottom line is that women are more emotional than men, so they get attached quicker. Well that’s what the science says anyway. But whether that’s true in practice is an entirely different story, because today, there are plenty of women who simply want their physical needs met and that’s it.

This woman that you are seeing will be very intentional about making sure she doesn’t get emotionally connected to you. They’ll be no hugging or kissing after sex, she’ll literally jump right out of bed, get dressed and leave, or kick you out.

The only time she ever calls you is in the middle of the night when she wants to hook up. She’ll never call you randomly to see how you’re doing, and you rarely conversate outside of small talk when you do see each other. 

She Just Wants Casual Sex

How to Respond?

If you are getting attached to her, and she isn’t, if you keep having sex with her, you risk getting hurt. So the choice is yours with this one, you can either put your emotions to the side and keep the relationship physical, or you can move on.

But be warned, if you try and have, “the talk” with her, if she’s hell-bent on just having a sexual relationship, she’ll get put off, and see your requests as clingy. That might be the last time you see her. 

#6 She’s Put You on Standby

This one is a bit harsh, but in some cases, it’s an unfortunate reality. If a woman has a set criteria for the kind of man she wants, and you don’t quite have all the qualities on the list, she won’t see you as her ideal partner. She’ll put you on standby in hopes that you’ll either become that person or that she’ll meet her ideal man. 

She’s Put You on Standby

How to Respond?

There’s no point in asking if she’s placed you on standby because she’s not going to tell you. What you can do instead is ask her about her ideal man, if you don’t fit the bill, you’re on standby, and unless you’re planning on changing to fit the profile, I’d advise that you move on. 

What to do When a Girl Likes You But Doesn’t Want a Relationship?

This can be very confusing because you know for a fact that she likes you, but she doesn’t want to make it official…what’s up with that? Here are some tips on what you can do when a girl likes you but doesn’t want a serious relationship:

#1 Have a Conversation

Before you start making any rash decisions, have a conversation with her. You need to know exactly where her head is so you can decide how you’re going to proceed. Here are some tips on how you should have this conversation:

#2 Don’t Be So Serious

Even though the situation is serious to you, the last thing you want to do is make her feel uncomfortable. Avoid starting the conversation with phrases like, “We need to talk,” or, “I think we need to have a conversation about where things are going.” Avoid statements like this, she’ll immediately get defensive and the conversation won’t go too smoothly.

Instead, say something like, “Hey, how about a chat later this afternoon, we can grab a coffee at the Starbucks down the road.” A less severe tone isn’t going to fill her with anxiety. 

#3 Tell Her Exactly How You Feel

If you want answers, don’t hold back. Let her know exactly how you feel so that she’ll let you know exactly how she feels. According to Steven Ward, a relationship and lifestyle expert, if you want someone to be vulnerable with you, you’ve got to be vulnerable with them. 

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#4 Tell Her What You Want

So she can never say she didn’t know where she stood with you which is why she didn’t open up to you, tell her want you want out of the friendship. Let her know that you really like her, you were hoping that things could of progressed to the next level and that you are not looking to stay friends.

#5 Listen

Finally, listen to what she has to say, even if she says she doesn’t want a relationship, it might not be what you want to hear, but what she says will let you know whether there is any hope for a future romantic relationship. 

#6 Focus on Yourself

It can be disappointing when the person you want to be with has other plans. Don’t beat yourself up about it too much, some things just weren’t meant to be. Instead of letting it get to you, focus on yourself, start working on your goals, take that course you need to help you get ahead in your career.

Go on vacation with the boys, whatever focusing on yourself looks like to you, start doing it. I’m a strong believer in like attracts like, and it may be that you attracted someone who wasn’t ready for a romantic relationship because subconsciously, you were not ready for one.

Let me explain…in general, men feel confident pursuing a woman when they’ve got their life in order. Which means you’re financially stable, you’ve got a house, you either run a business or you’re in a good space in your career.

Men feel more confident when they’ve achieved these milestones because women want security for herself and her future children. Everyone has lifelong goals, but if deep down you know you’re not where you need to be, you’re not ready for a relationship. If this sounds like your story, it’s time to start working on yourself.  

#7 Start Dating

Well, as the saying goes, “Another one bites the dust!” Not to worry, things didn’t work out as planned which means you can go back to the drawing board. 

12 Signs She Doesn’t Want a Relationship With You

As mentioned, there are times when a girl is interested in you, but she’s just not ready for a romantic relationship. But in some cases, even though she’s attracted to you, she’ll friend zone you because she’s made up her mind that you are not the guy for her. Here are some signs that she doesn’t want a relationship with you:

#1 She Talks About Other Guys

Well, you can’t get any more obvious than this. When a girl starts telling you about the guy she likes, maybe she met him at work, or at college, it means she’s put you in the just friend’s category.

Not only does she mention him when you are out having a coffee, she’ll call you just to talk about him! There are two things wrong with this scenario, first, when a woman likes you, in most cases, she’s not going to call you, she’ll wait for you to call her.

This might be because she’s playing hard to get, or she wants to make sure you’re really into her before she starts making the first move.

So the reason why she keeps going on about this mystery man is that she wants you to know that she sees you as a good friend and wants advice from a male about how to get with another guy! 

#2 She Never Calls/Texts You

On the flip side of calling you to have random conversations, sometimes, when a woman is interested in you romantically, she’ll reach out to you because she wants to make a connection with you.

In most cases, she won’t call or text often because she doesn’t want to appear desperate, but every once in a while, she’ll give you a call, or send you a message just so you know she’s attracted to you, and you can keep pursuing her. If she never calls or texts, she’s not trying to make you her boo! 

#3 She’s Too Comfortable Around You

Some of the things that women do when they’re attracted to a man is always making sure their hair and makeup is on point. When they go out to dinner, they’ll order something small and take tiny bites of whatever they’re eating.

Or they’ll try and remain as polite as possible during the conversation, i.e. no cursing. When she’s comfortable around you, she’ll have no problems agreeing to meet you after the gym make-up free with her hair in a messy bun.

When you go out to dinner, she’ll order a starter, main course, and a dessert and scoff it down as if she were out with other girls. During the conversation, if she’s the type to use profanities, she’ll use fowl language with zero remorse. If she does these things around you, she’s probably not trying to impress you. 

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#4 You Are Like a Brother to Her

During a sentimental moment, the two of you are having a conversation about some deep stuff. You’re both opening up to each other in a way that you haven’t done before.

You’re getting butterflies and getting all excited that you’re connecting on an emotional level, and then you hear those fateful words. “Oh my goodness, you’re so awesome, you’re like a brother to me.” Well, unless she’s into incest, she’s definitely not into you!

#5 You’d Make the Perfect Husband…

Just not for her! A close second to telling you you’re like a brother to her, is telling you how much of a perfect husband you’d make for the lucky woman who gets to date you. She tells you how great you are all the time, that you’re attentive, thoughtful, kind, romantic, and helpful.

She might even go as far as to say she wants to hook you up with her friend or sister. Basically, she’s letting you know that for whatever reason, you’re just not her type. 

#6 She’s Affectionate

Hugging you, stroking your hair, or putting her legs over you while you watch a movie may signal to you that she’s into you. But nine times out of ten, she’s not. When a woman is comfortable being affectionate it’s because she’s not thinking about you sexually. As far as she’s concerned, you two are just friends, and that’s what friends do. 

#7 You Are Her Shoulder to Cry on

After an argument with her partner, or a break up, she comes to you with her woes and cries on your shoulder. Don’t get it twisted, she doesn’t see you as her knight in shining armor, she’s treating you in exactly the same way she would with a girlfriend.

As far as she’s concerned, you’re no different to Sheila, Debbie, or Angie. You’re a good friend, and in her mind, even though she thinks you’re cute, that’s as far as it’s ever going to go. 

#8 She Gets Changed in Front of You

Some women are really naive about male sexual energy. They truly have no clue that men can get turned on just at the sight of bare skin on a female.

It has nothing to do with the popular slogan that ‘all men are dogs’, and everything to do with the fact that men are highly sexual creatures, sex is actually a physical need for them, and that urge is a very strong one.

So even if a man isn’t attracted to a woman, any exposure of her body could send him into a frenzy. Since she doesn’t want a relationship with you, she has no problem with you seeing her semi-naked, and maybe intentionally trying to drive home the point.

Because some men would view this as a seductive act, you might assume she’s trying to get your attention, when in actual fact, that’s the last thing on her mind. 

#9 No Signs of Jealousy

A little bit of jealousy can be a good thing, obviously, too much of anything is unhealthy, but jealousy is actually a normal human emotion.

All emotions have a role to play, they teach us about ourselves and give us insight into what we need. Jealousy is an uncomfortable emotion; therefore, society has labeled it as ‘toxic’ and ‘unhealthy.’ You will often hear people say things like, “I never get jealous because I’m confident in my own skin.” That’s an absolute lie, and the fact that they feel the need to convince everyone that they don’t experience jealousy is evidence that they do.

My point is that a little bit of jealousy in a romantic relationship can be a good thing because it is one of the signs that both parties care about each other enough to show their vulnerable side. For example, if you both go to a party, and you spend a lot of time talking to an attractive woman. Not because you were flirting, but because you went to school together.

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She was your best friend’s sister, unfortunately, your best friend died a few years back, and you haven’t seen her since the funeral. When you saw her, you gave her a long hug and then started talking.

When you leave the party, your girlfriend says, “I felt really uncomfortable the way Adrianna was talking you (you did introduce them), it seemed as if you guys were a little too close, it made me feel jealous.” This is a healthy way of expressing jealousy when you’re in a relationship. 

But assuming, you’ve just started talking to a girl, you both know you like each other because there’s a lot of flirting going on, you guys are chilling, and you get a phone call from one of your female friends.

During your conversation, she felt a slight twinge of jealousy which lets her know that she does in fact like you. Her response might be to  ask in a playful way, “Who was that?” And that’s her way of letting you know that she’s interested. But if you have a conversation with another female in front of a woman who sees you as just a friend, she won’t batter an eyelid. She won’t feel any jealousy whatsoever, and will patiently wait until you hang up the phone to continue what you guys were doing. 

#10 She Doesn’t Have Time For You

No matter how busy a person is, when they like you, they’re going to make time for you. If she’s into you, when you ask her out, she’s not going to tell you she’s got other engagements all the time. When a woman doesn’t feel the need to make herself available to you, she’s indirectly letting you know that you’re really not that important to her. You’ll basically get the crumbs of her life, and the only time you’ll probably ever see her, is when she’s bored! Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re just not on her list of priorities.  

#11 She Invites You Out With Her Friends

Don’t get excited, this isn’t what it seems. Ordinarily, the scenario would be, boy meets girl, boy likes girl, and girl likes boy. Girl wants all her friends to meet her new guy friend to get their approval, so she invites you on a girls night out.

But on this occasion, that’s not the case. She’s inviting you out because she sees you as a friend, and she wants you to come out and have fun with her other friends. 

#12 You Are Not in Her Future Plans

A woman who is thinking about an exclusive relationship with you will include you in her future plans. It will start with small plans like going hiking in six months, or inviting you to her tennis match at the end of the year.

Then as your connection deepens, she’ll start making more of an investment and maybe ask about planning a weekend away together. Or invite you to her sisters wedding in a couple of months. Women who are thinking about a future with you will ask questions such as whether you’re planning on getting married later on in life, if you want to be a father. She’ll also ask what type of husband and father you would hope to become.

Questions of this nature typically arise when a woman sees you as high value, and there’s almost a sense of urgency to take things to the next level, but before she does, she wants to know whether or not you’re going to be worth her time.

Unfortunately, if she’s making these plans with other people, or worse still, she’s not even mentioning them to you, you are not in her future plans, and she’s not thinking about having a relationship with you. 

Final Thoughts

Now that you have a bit more insight into the question of why she doesn’t want a relationship but wants to see me? It’s time to get some definitive answers for yourself.

Although the information you’ve read is credible, what you don’t want to do is jump to conclusions; instead, have a conversation with her and see where her head is. Once you can see things from her perspective, the ball is in your court, and you can decide how you want to move forward. 

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Written by Alexander Burgemeester on

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more? Read my author bio page.

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