Last Updated on March 3, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
The end of a relationship is one of the most distressing things you’ll ever experience. It can wreak havoc on your self-esteem as you start questioning why your girlfriend fell out of love with you.
What did I do wrong? Am I not attractive enough? Am I not funny or romantic enough? Did she use me for my money? You’ll have sleepless nights trying to find the answers to these questions.
But ultimately, you’ll want to know whether all is lost. Can she fall in love with you again? Can you get back to the way things were?
If you had a deep connection, and you’re willing to fight for the relationship, you can’t sit back and accept defeat.
The question is, what do you need to do to rekindle the romance? If you’ve been asking yourself, “why she doesn’t love me anymore” you’ll find the answers, and what you need to do to win her back here.
What Do I Do If My Girlfriend Doesn’t Love Me Anymore?
Realizing that your girlfriend doesn’t love you anymore hurts. This hurt is intensified if you’ve invested a lot in the relationship. You may feel that your only option is to let her go, but before you do, try this:
Go Missing For a While
Have you heard the saying, “familiarity breeds contempt?” It basically means that she’s grown tired of being around you.
At the beginning of a relationship, two people have a desire to get to know each other. Once that happens, the mystery goes and you get comfortable.
At this point, it’s easy to take each other for granted. This is especially true if you live together because you see each other all the time.
Now you’re afraid that you’ll lose her, you start acting clingy and this behavior is even more off-putting. Instead, pull back from her by doing a disappearing act.
Whether you decide to go on vacation with the boys, or you just take some time out alone, creating some distance between the two of you will give her the opportunity to miss you.
Start Making More Money
Money is power, and the more money you have, the more powerful you become in the eyes of the world. You can add to your appeal by increasing your earning potential.
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Now, unless you win the lottery, this isn’t going to happen overnight so you can’t rely on money if you’re looking for immediate results.
You’ll either need to start working on a side hustle, or get more qualifications to get a better job. But once that cheddar starts flowing, you’ll become irresistible to her.
Get in the Best Shape of Your Life
Women might not be as visually stimulated as men, but they like a man who is pleasing to the eye.
Give your girlfriend something to drool over by getting into the best shape of your life. Whether you’re overweight or not is irrelevant, it’s all about becoming a better version of yourself.
So as of today, start working out, and change your diet. Once you’ve achieved your fitness goals, go shopping and get yourself a new wardrobe. When you resurface, she won’t be able to keep her hands off you.
Walk Away From the Relationship
Sometimes, no matter what you do, your girlfriend will never fall in love with you again. Unfortunately, it was a case of too little too late, her heart has grown cold, and she’s moved on.
In an ideal world, you’d be able to sway her, but we don’t live in an ideal world, so it might be time to walk away from the relationship. You will know when it’s time to go, you’ll feel it in your gut.
How Do You Tell If She Doesn’t Love You Anymore?
If you suspect that your girlfriend doesn’t love you anymore but you’re not quite sure, here are some sure-fire signs that her feelings for you have dwindled:
She’ll Withdraw From You
Women are emotional creatures, and if their emotional needs are not being fulfilled, they will withdraw because they no longer feel safe with you.
From a woman’s perspective, she needs to be able to trust her partner with her feelings. The way she withdraws will manifest in different ways.
She might stop having sex with you, stop cooking for you, or stop calling when she normally does. When you do speak, you’ll notice she’s very guarded because she’s protecting herself.
She’s tired of getting hurt, and the only way to ensure that it doesn’t keep happening is to withdraw from you.
She’d Rather Hang Out With the Girls
Back in the day, she’d ditch her girlfriends to hang out with you. But now, she’s literally running out the door every Friday night.
She has no time for you anymore, you try and arrange to spend time with her, but all you hear is “no” these days. What makes it even worse is that all her friends are single, so who knows what they’re getting up to during their drunken nights on the town.
Now you spend most weekends alone up all night wondering, why doesn’t she love me?
You Will Irritate Her a Lot
The things about your character she once found endearing will become an irritant to her and she’ll let it be known.
Once upon a time, your girlfriend thought it was cute that you left the toilet seat up all the time, or left your dirty socks on the floor. She was so in love with you that she enjoyed cleaning up after you.
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She liked how dependent you were on her for everything, but now, it’s become a burden.
She Has New Guy Friends
All of a sudden she has new guy friends that you’ve never heard of. You’ve been together for two years, you’ve met all her friends and associates, but now, Ben, Billy and Bradley have come into the picture!
Basically, she’s on the lookout for other guys and male attention. At this point, your partner hasn’t had an affair yet, but she’s definitely considering it.
In her head, she’s thinking, if things don’t improve quickly, she’s off! And she’s already got them lined up ready and waiting.
She Starts Playing Independent Woman
And I don’t mean the song! At the beginning of the relationship, your girlfriend loved depending on you because it made her feel like a woman.
She’d always call you to do things for her even if she could do it herself. But now, she doesn’t call you for anything. Even though she doesn’t drive, she’d rather get the bus home from the gym instead of you collecting her.
She gets a taxi to go grocery shopping, and she won’t let you carry stuff even when she’s struggling. When a woman starts overdoing it with being independent, it’s because you’ve let her down too many times, and now she can’t trust you.
Perhaps you’ve forgotten to pick her up from work too many times, or you’ve left her waiting outside the grocery store for too long. By getting stuff done herself, she’s indirectly telling you that she doesn’t need you, and even worse, that she doesn’t want you.
Why Doesn’t She Love Me Anymore?
There are several reasons why a woman falls out of love with a man, sometimes it’s your fault, sometimes it’s not.
You Don’t Put Her First
She wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if you were this way at the beginning of the relationship because she knew what she was getting into.
But that’s not the case, when you first got together, it was all about her, now, it seems as if she’s at the bottom of your list of priorities.
You’re not consistent anymore, you’ll make a date with her, and then cancel the minute your friends decide they want to do something.
When a woman doesn’t feel as if she’s a priority in your life, it doesn’t give her much hope for the future, and a consequence of this is that she’ll fall out of love with you.
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You Don’t Appreciate Her
Your girlfriend does everything to make you happy. She cooks for you, cleans up after you, she doesn’t nag, and she always looks good.
She’s basically a superwoman, but you’re the only one who can’t see it. Instead of thanking her for the things she does for you, all she has is a partner who complains.
She brings you a plate of food, it doesn’t have enough salt in it. She washes and irons your clothes, you moan that the creases in your shirt were not aligned properly.
You come home to a spotless house and have the audacity to fuss about the one cup she left in the sink. You wear your girlfriend out, she can’t catch a break, nothing she does is good enough, and she’s fed up.
She’s Too Focused on Her Career’
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a woman being focused on her career. The problem is that your girlfriend has decided that her career is more important than her relationship.
She’s always been an all-or-nothing kind of woman, and now that she’s found the job of her dreams, she wants to focus on climbing the corporate ladder, and you’ve become a hindrance.
She now feels that you’re taking up too much of her time. It’s not that she doesn’t want to be with you, she just wants her career more and her own life.
You Don’t Speak the Same Love Language
The concept of love languages was pioneered by author Gary Chapman. He wrote a book called, ‘The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.’ Chapman states that everyone has a love language, and when you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t speak your love language, it can be difficult to communicate.
This leads to the breakdown of the relationship. Think about it like this, how hard would it be trying to have a conversation with a Chinese person who doesn’t speak English? Difficult right? Well, the same is true of love languages.
The five love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and giving gifts.
People who speak the love language of quality time enjoy spending time and physical intimacy with their partners.
Those who speak the love language of words of affirmation, like being affirmed verbally by their partner. Acts of service refers to doing nice things for your significant other, and physical touch and giving gifts is self-explanatory.
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So if your partner’s love language is physical touch, and yours is words of affirmation, you’re going to spend all your energy affirming her with words and she won’t appreciate it because what she wants is physical touch.
But because you rarely hug her or hold her hand when you’re out, she feels neglected. When she feels neglected, her feelings towards you will start dwindling.
How Do You Accept If Someone Doesn’t Love You Anymore?
After you’ve done all you can do, you realize she’s not coming back and she does not love you anymore. There’s nothing left to do but accept it and move on. Here are some tips to help you:
Go Through the Grieving Process
The Journal of Positive Psychology published a study that says it takes 11 weeks to recover after the end of a long term relationship. Love becomes a painful emotion when things don’t work out.
You feel as if your world is going to collapse and that your heart has been ripped out of your chest. It’s normal to feel this way when someone has been a part of your life for a while, and now they’re gone. When a significant relationship comes to an end, allow yourself to grieve over that person. Find friends and family for emotional support.
Although the study claims that it takes 11 weeks to recover, that doesn’t apply to everyone. It might take you longer to heal, and that’s okay.
Speak to trusted friends and family members about how you’re feeling, cry and connect with your emotions. If you think you may need professional help, arrange to see a therapist.
Accept That it Wasn’t Meant to be
Not everyone is connected to your destiny, there are some people who weren’t meant to ride with you until the end.
They were in your life for a season, and now it’s time to go. As painful as it is to accept this, once you do, it opens the door for the real love of your life to find their way to you.
Holding onto people who no longer serve you will only drag you down and make you miserable. I know we all want what we can’t have, but what’s the point of giving your time and energy to someone who isn’t willing to return it?
You Deserve Better
One of the reasons why it hurts so much when a relationship ends is because your greatest fears have been confirmed.
We all have an inner critic that tells us we’re not good enough, and that no one will ever love us for who we really are. That voice is constantly highlighting our insecurities, and when a person decides they no longer want to be with us, the voice says, “see, I told you.”
In order to move on, it’s important that you shut out your inner critic and refuse to listen to it. If not you’ll spiral deeper and deeper into depression. Instead of listening to your inner critic, change the narrative and start telling yourself how worthy you are, and that you deserve better.
It will feel strange at first because you’re so used to listening to that negative voice. But if you keep at it, eventually you’ll start to believe it and these positive affirmations will transform the way you think about yourself.
Go Out and Socialize
Don’t hibernate and sit around feeling sorry for yourself, get out there and have some fun. Accept whatever invitations come your way, go out and dance until your feet hurt, go to the movies, go on road trips and make new friends.
A part of you won’t feel comfortable doing this because when you’re feeling depressed, all you’ll want to do is eat chocolate and get lost in Netflix.
Don’t isolate yourself, being around people who genuinely care about you will make you feel better.
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Just because your ex-girlfriend couldn’t see your value, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t.
Spend time pampering yourself by doing things like getting a full body massage, it will help you relax and release feelings of tension. An inexpensive way to pamper yourself is to have a bubble bath.
Oils and bath bombs will help you relax. Have a candlelit dinner, whether you order in or cook for yourself, make it fancy by setting the table and lighting some candles.
There are plenty of ways to pamper yourself, do whatever makes you feel good.
Distance Yourself From the Relationship
When someone breaks up with you, they may deal with their guilt by offering to remain friends.
Some people will jump at the chance because deep down, they’re hoping they might get back together. The thought process is often, “I can try and win them back.” But this can end in further heartbreak especially when the ex gets a new partner.
So instead of hanging around and wishing upon a star, cut the person off while you heal. Don’t keep any of their belongings or the gifts they bought you no matter how nice they were.
Creating space between you and your ex-girlfriend will help you get over them quicker. Keeping memorabilia will have you sitting in your house hugging their jumper lamenting over them!
Don’t Stalk Them on Social Media
Long before social media came about, people have been stalking their exes, this is nothing new.
The only difference was they couldn’t just log on to the internet, they’d drive past their house, go to their place of employment, or call and hang up the phone just to hear their voice.
Today, since most people are on social media, you may be tempted to check up on your ex girlfriend to see how her life is going.
But most importantly, you’ll be checking on her relationship status. If it just so happens that she’s got a new partner shortly after your break up, or that she looks like she’s having way too much fun without you, you’re going to get upset. Don’t inflict more pain on yourself by stalking your ex-girlfriend on social media.
Can Love Fade Away And Come Back?
Absolutely. I believe that one of the reasons divorce rates are so high is because people don’t understand that love isn’t a feeling.
At the beginning of a relationship, two people are going to have very intense feelings for each other, and then it dwindles.
The choices a couple makes after these feelings have evaporated will determine whether they stay together or not…here’s why.
According to experts, love happens in three stages: Lust, attraction, and attachment.
Stage 1: The Lust Stage
Humans need to reproduce, to do this, men and women need to find each other sexually attractive. At the point of lust, a part of the brain called the hypothalamus triggers the release of the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone.
This explains the initial desire of wanting to sleep with the person you find physically appealing.
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Stage 2: The Attraction Stage
Lust and attraction are similar, but they’re not the same. By this point, you’ve got to know the person a bit, maybe you’ve been on a couple of dates and you’ve really taken an interest in each other. So now, you want to spend more and more time together.
That’s because when something feels good, the brain produces feel good hormones called dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals are why couples feel euphoric, energetic, and giddy. It can also cause a lack of appetite and insomnia.
Stage 3: The Attachment Stage
This is when a relationship becomes serious and you both decide you’re in it for the long haul. You may decide to move in together, get married, or start a family. The main hormones involved during this stage are oxytocin, and vasopressin. These are bonding hormones released during sex, it makes you want to plan the future together, and live happily ever after.
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So why is it that people seem to fall out of love just as quickly as they fell in love? Experts state that after approximately 4 years of being in a relationship, the feelings of attraction lessen because dopamine decreases.
Basically, you’ve become too familiar with each other and the excitement is not as intense. If you’re having problems in the relationship such as financial issues, or arguments about the children, the level of attraction between you is going to decrease even further.
It’s at this point that most couples decide to go their separate ways. When asked about the break up, they’ll often say something like, “the chemistry wore off,” or “the spark just wasn’t there anymore.” Well that’s because love is a choice…let me explain.
How to Get The Sparkle Back in Your Relationship?
You see, society has fooled us into believing that love is a fairy tale. Every media outlet portrays perfect couples living perfect lives because that’s what sells, and we buy into it.
But the reality is that relationships are not a walk in the park. Any couple who has been married for decades will tell you that they had to fight to stay together.
When the feelings wore off, they put the work in to rekindle the flames. They chose to love each other, even when things were not going well. The question is, how can couples do this? Here are a few tips:
Maintain Your Independence
You were independent before you became a couple, and you should maintain this. Everything meshes together into one when you get into a relationship.
You share the same friends, your social activities are the same, you basically do everything together. After living in each other’s pockets for a couple of years, you’ll get bored.
Their habits will start irritating you, and there will be some days when you’ll want your partner to get as far away from you as possible. The idea of maintaining your independence is about having the opportunity to miss each other and learn from each other.
When you go on vacation with the boys, she’s going to miss you and vice versa. Additionally, it gives you the opportunity to learn from each other, and learn more about each other.
Be Intentional About Complimenting Each Other
At the beginning of a relationship, neither partner is short of compliments. You both love everything about each other and you shout it from the rooftops at every opportunity.
But as time goes by, and familiarity sets in, the things that once excited you about your partner no longer appeal to you and the compliments stop.
You are then left wondering if your significant other still finds you attractive. This can cause insecurity and trigger needy behavior which becomes an irritant in the relationship.
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However, in some cases, you might stop finding your partner attractive because they’ve put on weight. In a situation like this, honesty is the best policy. Don’t be rude about it, but encourage your partner to shed some pounds by working out together.
Regardless of why you stopped complimenting each other, you can choose to compliment your partner’s physical and inner attributes.
Sending text messages throughout the day, or leaving notes on the bathroom mirror are a great way to make complimenting each other exciting and a clear sign you are still investing in the relationship.
Keep the Romance Alive
At one point in time, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You wanted to impress her, and she wanted to impress you.
You went on dates, had movie nights, and did a lot of exciting things together. But now, all you do is veg out on the couch flicking through the TV channels! You rarely have sex, and when you do, it’s over in five minutes!
You can keep the romance alive by doing the same things you did at the beginning of your relationship. Whether it’s once every two weeks or once a month, pick a date night and stick to it.
Make the same effort you did during the infatuation stage, get dressed up, and act like lovesick teenagers. Send her flowers at work every once in a while.
Instead of just buying gifts for each other’s birthdays, do so randomly throughout the year.
Keep a Sex Date
Sex is important in a relationship, and when things start going south, a lack of sex is one of the most common thing that couples complain about.
You’re arguing so much, that the only time you make out is during passionate makeup sex. I know having a sex date night isn’t spontaneous, but its a commitment you’ve made to each other and it helps to keep your sex life alive.
Scheduling sex involves deciding on a day/night and time and sticking to it. While it sounds boring, you’ll be surprised at how exciting it can be.
Throughout the week, there’ll be a build up of anticipation about what the night is going to be like. You can either tell each other what you want to happen, or keep it a secret.
Every so often, spice things up with some lingerie or anything else that you find appealing.
Learn Her Love Language
Find out what her love language is and speak to her in it at all times. Finding out what it is isn’t difficult, you’ve just got to ask, what’s difficult is speaking it.
You will literally need to learn a totally new way of communicating with your partner, and this will feel alien to you.
If her love language is acts of service, it will feel strange to start doing things for her instead of buying her gifts like you’re used to. But as you practice, you’ll get better at it, the key is not to give up.
When you do finally get back together, make sure you don’t make the same mistakes twice.
If she fell out of love with you because you didn’t appreciate her, or you stopped being romantic, make sure you make a consistent and continuous effort to show your appreciation.
Keep the romance going by implementing the suggestions in this article. In this way, you won’t need to wonder why she doesn’t love me anymore.
Additionally, have relationship counseling, it will help uncover areas of potential trouble, give you new and effective ways to communicate, and keep you accountable.
Remember, relationships take work, your union isn’t going to be perfect, but if you make the effort, you can live happily ever after with the woman of your dreams.
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