Narcissists try to hold it together for as long as they can. You won’t see cracks until the downfall has truly begun, and that’s only a few steps away from full collapse.
Of course, there are things you can say to make the process go a whole lot faster.
Do you want to read them?
I’m here to help where I can, and what better place to start…
“I don’t need your approval”
First comes the brilliant shutdown of not needing the narcissist’s approval. You just don’t, and I don’t care how many of you aren’t ready to hear that.
All these years you’ve probably chased that approval, wanting to be seen, heard and valued for what you do, or how you act. And let me tell you – it will never come.
That doesn’t mean the narcissist is going to stop trying to push you to always ask their permission, or look to them as the person in charge.
This is where mistakes are made, and control is willingly handed over to them.
I say it’s time to stop that, and offer it back to yourself. No longer look for their approval – and do things you want to do – for you.
I’ll tell you what – you will not see a quicker narcissistic collapse at play when you do!
“That’s just your opinion”
And that’s cool, right? I mean – opinions are nothing but what you think, and what they think. They can be different, and you don’t have to play by their rulebooks, believing only what they tell you.
Having your own thoughts acts as a bridge to gaining more and more independence for yourself. It seeks to allow you to explore the world for yourself, and make your own mind up.
That means your mind is no longer ruled by what the narcissist thinks – and as far as the narcissist is concerned, that can only lead to trouble.
So let them have their opinion, add the ‘just’ for an extra bit of character grounding, and make sure you get on with your day with a smile upon your face.
It’s not your job to keep the narcissist tamed – and so a comment like this will collapse their ego nicely.
“No”
Say no, I dare you!
No is the best way to trigger a narcissistic collapse. They will drive themselves insane with your immediate shutdown and refusal to continue whatever it is you were in.
And as you already know:
No is a complete sentence.
Narcissists want you to say yes -they want you to comply. Be obedient. Do as you’re told.
Standing up and saying, “You know what? I’m not going to do this any more,” is the most powerful way to regain power and take it from them.
Beyond that, there’s also the crucial point of you becoming more independent and refusing to look for their validation, or to please them.
When it becomes about you, it becomes about what you want, not what you want for the narcissist.
Saying no is the only way you get to put your boundaries on display, and reiterate them whenever you need to. As narcissists go, they will naturally want to tear them down.
That’s where you stand up and defend yourself, and watch the collapse crumble even quicker.
“I see right through you”
This phrase, as far as I am concerned, is a total end game.
There’s no coming back from speaking the phrase to the narcissist, who is going to clearly wash their hands of you the moment you say it.
As their world collapses around them, as does any future hope of continuing to control you and exert power over you.
Sure, they can try, but if they know you see through their act, it won’t matter what they do, you’re done and they know it.
I know of people who have said this to their abuser, and it’s been the beginning of the end. I don’t see how any narcissist can treat their victims the same after they’ve heard it, too.
“You’re not special”
Okay, this may seem extreme, but it’s really not. It’s a reality check I think the right people need to hear at the right time, and this is one of those instances.
“I’m done explaining myself”
You’re used to talking back to them until you go blue in the face, aren’t you?
Feeling the panic, desperation and almost anger at not being heard rise up inside of you has got to end, and the only way to do that is by telling them you’re done.
You don’t have to keep jumping to your own defence just to prove a point, or to try and persuade them that you’re right and they’re wrong.
It can be enough to just know it. And no, it might not feel enough, but that’s because you’ve been used to fighting to just be heard. But again, it doesn’t have to be that way at all.
So, be done. Be done explaining yourself, and tell the narcissist how done you are.
Let them try and goad you back into the fire, but refuse yourself entry. Be better. Rise above it. Disengage. Leave them gasping for your supply like a fish out of water, and see how far it gets them when they’ve got nobody to argue with any more.
You will soon be witness to full on narcissistic collapse the moment you stop and instead watch them.
“That’s not my problem”
Yet all this time, the narcissist has been so good at trying to make it so, right?
They’ve not only cornered you into believing you create problems, they’ve also convinced you that you’re the problem.
No more.
The moment you say this phrase to the narcissist you know, it’s game over. You’re seeing what they’re trying to hand you that doesn’t belong to you, and you’re handing it back.
Refusing to take on their issues as your own can free you up beautifully. Soon after, their world will just implode and you will know what the trigger was.
Sadly, you just have to accept that you need to say these things in order for the power to come back to you. If they cause issues, it’s only because the narcissist hates to hear the truth.
Again – not your problem!
“I’m happier without you”
What better way to tell a narcissist that their presence does not determine your happiness. And it’s a very ‘ouch’ moment for the narcissist’s oversized ego as they hear the news that you would officially be happier without them.
What this does is erase all the ways they’ve tried to isolate you and make you rely solely on them for everything.
It takes away the power they’ve tried to exert over you all those years, pretending that you couldn’t survive without them.
It reminds them that they’re replaceable and not the ‘different league’ kinds of people that they want to be.
Seeing you be happier and flourish without them in your life is not only proof that you’re better off without, but it’s proof that you can live your life free of abuse.
I think you definitely deserve that.
