Are you ready for your life to change?
I can’t hear you at the back!
If you’ve waited for a narcissist to lose their minds, I can assure you that this is going to send them into overdrive.
And it’s about time, right? You’ve counted the hours down on the clock, and you’re ready to see them fall apart the way they’ve made you all this time.
You need one phrase!
Say This Once — and Watch Their Mask Crack
The mask of a narcissist is such a huge topic all by itself.
Let’s start when you first meet them. That mask is what you initially see, isn’t it? The problem is, you don’t know it’s a mask until it’s too late.
All that time and emotion you invest in them will give way for all the slip ups you witness. You’ll make excuses for them, and the abuse will disappear under the blind eye you give them.
When the time comes for any immediate slipping of the mask, you can bet it’s going to be this one phrase that will set it off.
I really do personally believe that this phrase is also the catalyst for your complete breakaway from the narcissist, too. It’s almost like there’s no going back from it.
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Hit Them Where It Hurts — Without Raising Your Voice
I’d never encourage anybody to raise their voice, and I particularly mean it on this occasion.
Narcissists always assume that with great volume comes great power. What usually happens with volume though, is a level of dysregulation.
It’s as if you haven’t got yourself under control, and the narcissist loves you in that kind of place. It means they can get you right where they want you with little to no control from you.
A non-raised voice brings with it a strong air of control that you have – and that’s new for the narcissist.
So hit the narcissist where it really hurts, and keep your own voice at a healthy level that means you are the one calling the shots for a change.
Show them a version of yourself you’re morphing into without the resistance of the narcissist preventing it.
The Line…
When you know you’ve had enough of how the narcissist treats you, you can start to shift how you perceive their treatment of you.
All the lines in the world could never be as powerful as you taking your own power back in real time, so the line you need is:
I don’t need your validation to know my worth anymore.
Wow. That hit hard, didn’t it?
The constant approval you sought from them is no longer what you need in order to know and value yourself fully any more.
It’s striking, because it tells the narcissist that you don’t need them at all the way you thought you did. It tells them that something has literally changed within you and now you feel free.
And they can laugh all they want – they may even try that.
This doesn’t mean you have to fall down and take back what you said at all.
This means they’re panicking at what you have said, because they know deep down that they’re not just losing you – they’ve actually lost you.
So all that time you’ve looked to them to be the answer to all your problems, or as your human permission slip…
You’ve now got your independent thought and action part of your mind back.
One Line That Says: ‘You Don’t Own Me Anymore’
It’s where many victims have that lightbulb moment:
I don’t need you to help me grow any more.
In fact, it goes deeper than that, after all, did the narcissist really help you grow?
They didn’t. Instead, they suppressed it and made you feel helpless and small.
Without the nod of their head, you wouldn’t take a step forward. You needed to turn to them for answers to help you so that you knew you were doing the right thing.
But somehow – it was still never the right thing, was it? Because no matter what you did, the narcissist always made you feel bad.
That’s how you know you’ve become stuck in this unhealthy cycle that you want to step out of.
You know, I think back to a client I had many years ago now, and she used to tell me that she would send her father texts every time she did something.
She’d get a good grade, and she would run to him first. She would offer cold water out to delivery drivers on hot days.
She used to make dinner and plate it up like she was a professional chef, and send him photos.
She’d fix the toilet seat and have to tell him about it. This was every kind of thing, on an almost daily basis. She thought she was celebrating doing good things and sharing it with her father, but it was not that.
This was the seeking of constant approval from a man she knew she would never get it from. He didn’t even reply 85 percent of the time.
What was she doing? She was trying to find her worth in a person who was never willing to give it.
Huge mistake, but I am happy to report that she healed from this, and stopped doing it altogether.
And yes, as a result, her father lost his mind and they fell out after a period of time as those dynamics shifted permanently.
Fear: It’s Real
It may not present like it does with you or I, but that doesn’t mean a narcissist cannot feel or experience fear.
It’s their worst nightmare to lose to you, after all, life is one big game and the people in it are the players – whether they like it or not.
As this is the case, part of that game is to make sure you run to them for every kind of validation you need. They will then choose whether to give it to you or not. What a painful way for you to live, but I get why victims do it.
They’ve grown up living in an environment where they were neglected in some way. So each time they did something good, they wanted to hear from the neglector that they did a good job, to know they still had worth.
Carry that into adulthood, and you’ve got nothing but a huge pile of unresolved traumas going on inside of you.
You look for somebody who has that same power over you to repeat the pattern over and over again – not because you like it – but because you don’t know any better.
Enter the narcissist – whose sole role in life is to assert power over people.
And when that’s taken away with your more powerful phrase – they fear what comes next.
That shouldn’t mean that you leave the dynamics the same as they always were.
It’s clear that the game shouldn’t be played, and if it has been over a long period of time, you will be overdue this moment.
So take it. And take your worth with you, watering it everyday yourself.
