Once a Guy Loses Interest Can You Get it Back?

Last Updated on April 7, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

Once a guy loses interest can you get it back? Yes, you can get a guy’s interest back once he loses it because he was once captivated by you.

Your job is to figure out what’s changed and fix it. Most men don’t just wake up one morning and decide they’ve lost interest, it’s a process.

Maybe you slowly started letting yourself go, you stopped respecting him, or did the sex become boring or missing in action? Whatever the reason, if you fix these issues by getting your sexy back, and treating him with respect, your relationship will most definitely improve. But before fixing it, you need to know the reason why he lost interest.

5 Possible Reasons Why He Lost Interest

Men lose interest in their partners for several reasons. Before you can fix the problem, you need to know what it is. Here are five possible reasons why men lose interest

1. You’ve Let Yourself Go

Women have a tendency to get offended with this one because after being in a relationship for some time, they think they’ve earned the right for their partner to love them for who they are.

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This is true; a man should love you for who you are. But in most cases, that’s not why he got with you. Men are visually stimulated.

When he first saw you, he was instantly attracted to you. You were slim; you dressed well; you wore nice perfume. When he came to visit, it was clear you’d made an effort.

But now, you’ve put on a few pounds, and you don’t make anywhere as near as much effort as you did with your physical appearance than when you first got together. 

2. You Don’t Respect Him

Men don’t need love, they need respect. When a man feels his woman is disrespecting him, he shuts down. Marriage expert Shaunti Feldhahn conducted a study into the needs of married men and discovered that their strongest desire was to feel respect, trust, honor, and admiration from their wives.

On the other hand, she found that the wives of these men had no desire for respect. Their highest need was to feel loved and cherished in the relationship.

So you might think you’re doing all the right things by lavishing your partner with love, but in other areas, you disrespect him.

For example, you don’t trust his leadership, and you’re always challenging him. If he decides to take on a new business venture, instead of trusting that he can do it, you question him like a child.

But because the dinner’s ready and the house is spotless when he returns from work, you think you’re doing the right thing. But little do you know, he’s dreading coming home to face your criticism and would rather be with a woman who respects him than keeps an immaculate household. 

3. You Are Not Trying to Improve Your Life

Maybe you’re the type of person who’s always talking about what they’re going to do, but you never do it. Every year, you make the same new years resolution, but you never follow through.

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After a while, he’s going to get tired of hearing your excuses. You say you want the body of your dreams, but every time he comes over, you’re laying on the couch eating chips!

To make matters worse, your guy is a go-getter, he’s always out making stuff happen, and your lack of drive is off-putting to him. 

4. You Act as if You Don’t Need Him

Men need to feel needed. It’s their biological and sociological nature to be providers and protectors. This is how they express their love, and it’s what makes them feel validated.

If you didn’t make him feel this way at the beginning of the relationship, he wouldn’t have committed. So things were good at the start, but for whatever reason, the dynamics of your relationship have changed.

Do you remember how excited he got when you’d ask him to do stuff for you like wash your car, or help you get something out of the attic?

That was because he felt needed, he was excited because you gave him the opportunity to express his love towards you. But now that you’ve got a promotion from work, and they’ve given you a company car, you’d rather take the car to the valley service because you feel they do a better job.

Now that he’s working extra hours to save for a house, instead of waiting until he has the day off to help you get stuff out of the attic, you get your brother to do it. Can you see the pattern here? 

5. The Sex is Boring

If your guy is a freak, he’s going to get bored very quickly with missionary all the time. Like food, men like variety when it comes to sex.

Eating the same meal every day isn’t going to satisfy him, and neither is having the same type of sex all the time. He’s told you what he’s into, but you refuse to compromise. He likes the lights on, but because you’re insecure about your body, you want them off.

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He asks if he can at least put the lamp on to get a glimpse of you, you refuse. He wants to try out one new position, but you’re not comfortable with it. He wants you to wear sexy lingerie, but that’s too erotic for you, so you refuse. Can you see how ridiculous this is getting? Of course, he’s going to lose interest. 

How to Make Him Interested Again?

How do You Get Back With Someone Who Loses Interest in You?

When men lose interest, you have to get them interested in you again. If you’re willing to put the work in, you can definitely make it happen. You’ll need to come up with a plan and stick to it whether it looks like it’s working or not. Now, what you don’t want to do is start acting desperate.

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That will only drive him further away. All you need to do is start living your best life, and I don’t mean posting selfies on social media with the caption hashtag living my best life. Actually, start living your best life. Start working out and eating healthy foods; get the qualifications you need for that promotion.

Start that side hustle you’ve always been talking about. When you start making progress, he’ll want to know all about this new version of you. Now that you have an idea why your boyfriend may have lost interest in you, it’s time to get to work and ensure you capture his attention forever: 

#1 Show Him What He’s Missing

Dedicate yourself to getting the body of your dreams. Focus on looking so hot, he doesn’t recognize you.

Once you’ve reached your body goals, post a few pictures to your social media. Since he’s never seen you looking so good, you’ll immediately get his attention. 

#2 Focus on You

Because most women are trained to be nurturers, they have the tendency to forget about themselves to take care of everyone else.

This is especially true when they get into a relationship. For however long you’ve been together, all your attention has been on him. You make sure he has breakfast, lunch, and dinner, that all his meetings are in his diary.

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You keep track of all the birthdays of his friends and family members. Basically, you act like his personal assistant, and you’ve spoilt him. He’s become so used to you doing everything for him that he takes you for granted. Well, now, it’s time to stop being his right-hand woman and start taking care of yourself.

He’ll want to know why you’ve suddenly lost interest in him. It will make him realize how much you actually do for him, and he’ll start appreciating you more. 

#3 Spice Up Your Sex Life

Even if you think you’ve got a good sex life, take it up a notch. Start incorporating new and exciting ideas into the bedroom.

Speak to your partner about his fantasy’s and as long as you’re comfortable with them, start fulfilling them. Start having sex with your partner more often, and step out of your comfort zone. And for the prudes I mentioned in the section above, you need to step your game all the way up! 

#4 Go Missing in Action

Have you heard the saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder?” well, studies actually prove that this is indeed true.

The Journal of Communications recently published a study that discovered couples in long-distance relationships have a deeper connection than couples who see each other regularly.

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The author of the study, psychologist Crystal Jiang states the reason why couples in long distance relationships have a deeper connection is that they are more focused on building a relationship based on trust, making plans for the future, and having meaningful conversations. Whereas couples who see each other all the time end up taking each other for granted. 

Whether you decide to go on vacation, or have a staycation, let your partner know you’re going away and that he won’t be able to reach you during that time. Send him a quick message when you arrive, and then shut off your phone.

Trust and do believe he’ll spend the entire time you’re away thinking about you. On your way back, tell him he can pick you up from the airport; he’ll jump at the opportunity. 

#5 Take up a New Hobby

People with a passion are interesting, and you want to know more about what drives them. Instead of having the same boring, shallow conversations, they speak enthusiastically about the new projects they’re working on.

You’ll never be bored around a person passionate about their hobbies. Find a new hobby, for one it will give you something to do that you enjoy.

And for two, it will add another dimension to your relationship because now, you’ll have something that you’re passionate about to discuss with your partner. 

#6 Learn How to Respect Him

In broad terms, respect to a man means that the woman he is with trusts him. She believes in his abilities and in his potential.

Respect from a woman to a man says I think you’re competent and more than capable of fulfilling your role as a man. Nevertheless, respect means different things to different people. Additionally, there may be behaviors you exhibit that make him feel as if you don’t respect him.

So have a conversation with your boyfriend and find out what respect means to him and if he’s ever felt disrespected by you. 


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#7 Make Him Feel Like a Hero

Men need to feel needed by nature. They’re providers and protectors. When men don’t feel needed, they’re not fulfilled, and they’ll start looking outside the home to get this need met. 

James Bauer refers to this as the ‘hero instinct,’ and women who know how to trigger it in men will always have the upper hand in a relationship. Here are four ways you can trigger the hero instinct in your partner:

Praise and Celebrate What he Does

Does your guy play sports on the weekend? Maybe he’s a doctor who’s dedicated his life to saving lives. Whatever he does, praise and celebrate him for it.

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Let him know you’re proud of him. You don’t need to go over the top with it; the praise could be in the form of a hug, a kiss, or a meal to let him know that you value him. The more you praise him, the more effort he will make in perfecting what he does. 

Boost Him up in Front of His Friends

Men are tribal, and they enjoy being around their friends, but what they like even more is for their friends to know that their woman thinks they’re awesome.

Again, there’s no need to go over the top with this, but when they’re around, you could say something like, “I didn’t know I’d save myself hundreds of dollars a year marrying this guy.

He might be an accountant, but he’s a professional mechanic. I haven’t had to take my car to the garage once since we’ve been together.” 

Tell Him He Makes You Happy

Men need just as much reassurance as women, but theirs is slightly different.

A man needs to hear that he makes you happy, that all the effort he puts into doing things for you are appreciated, and they are exactly what you need.

This strategy works in the same way as praise. The more you let him know he’s doing a good job, the more he’ll want to do for you and make you happy. So it’s a win-win for both of you.

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Ask For His Help

As mentioned, men come alive when their women need them, so the key is to make him feel needed by getting him to do stuff for you.

Also, it can’t be any old random tasks he knows you could do yourself.

You’ll need to think about this one or it will backfire. Instead, he’ll start finding you annoying, needy, and lazy because he knows full well you could have done it yourself.

But here’s a scenario that might come in handy. It’s freezing outside, and you know that your car takes at least 15 minutes to warm up, but you’re running late and want to have breakfast before you go to work.

Ask your guy to go outside and warm the car up while you make breakfast.

He’ll be more than happy to alleviate the stress of you having to sit in a freezing car for 15 minutes.

Additionally, you can go around your apartment and see what needs fixing. Give him a list, that will keep him busy for the next few months. 

#8 Stop Acting Needy

I can hear you already, “but you’ve just told me to act like I need him?” I know, but there’s a fine line between him feeling needed and you acting too needy.

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A needy woman is someone who demands constant attention. She’s forever talking about her problems, and there’s always some type of drama going on in her life that she needs a man to resolve. She’s not comfortable with herself and needs constant validation from men.

#9 Reconnect With Your Feminine Energy

The more you connect with your feminine energy, the more you’ll connect with your man’s masculine energy. This is especially true if you’re dating an alpha male.

If your guy is more of a beta type, you tapping into your feminine energy will encourage him to step up his game. Feminine energy is about receiving, allowing, trusting, being present, self-expression, and being true to self. 

Masculine energy on the other hand, is about pushing things forward, competing, directing, future thinking, planning, doing, analyzing, providing, protecting, and initiating. Here are five ways to connect with your feminine energy:

Embrace Your Creative Side

When we hear the word, ‘creative’ most of us think of art, poetry, music etc. Some people will even say they don’t have a creative side because they don’t fall into any of those categories.

But everyone has a creative side, your creative side is the thing you do best that comes naturally to you. It could be making people laugh, cooking, or solving math problems. Whatever it is, indulge in it more and start working on perfecting it.  

Explore Nature

People feel at peace when they’re out in nature because it’s a powerful consistent force that ebbs and flows in an unbreakable cycle.

Nature helps us understand ourselves better, and it’s deeply connected to feminine energy hence the term ‘mother nature.’ The greenery of a forest, the blue of an ocean, and the depths of a valley all facilitate peace of mind.

Instead of waiting until you feel out of sync to engage with nature, make a habit of going for a walk every day. 

Laugh More

Men love positive women. They love to see a woman smiling. Think about it, who wants to be around a miserable person?

Also, laughing more is good for you; science proves that the feel-good hormones released when we laugh help build a stronger immune system, relieve stress, and improve mood.

The happier you are, the more potential you hold, and the more your man will want to be around you. 

Sharpen Your Intuition

Intuition is the feeling you get when you know something isn’t right. It’s not about knowledge or intellect.

You just know. It’s easy to miss your intuition because it’s a subtle nudge that doesn’t fight for your attention.

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But you always know when you miss it because when you’re sitting in the consequences of your mistakes, you’ll remember the moment you felt you shouldn’t do it.

You can avoid missing your intuition by sharpening it. Here are three tips to get you started:

Sit in Silence

Have you ever tried having a conversation with someone who won’t listen? It’s difficult right?

Well, that’s how you’re intuition feels when you’re surrounded by noise and clutter all the time.

You can tune into your intuition by sitting in silence for five minutes a day. It’s best to do it first thing in the morning, just sit in a quiet place, shut out all the noise, close your eyes and listen. 

Release Your Emotions

I don’t like using the term ‘negative emotions’ when describing emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness.

Society has labeled these emotions as negative because they cause damage when they’re mismanaged. But they are natural human emotions that, when managed in the right way, benefit us.

Emotions are designed to be released. We have no problems releasing ‘positive’ emotions such as joy, gratitude, and love. But because of the labels attached to ‘negative emotions, ‘ people have a tendency to bottle them up. When these emotions are internalized, they can harm us.

You can release your emotions by talking stuff out. If you have a disagreement with your partner, instead of holding onto resentment, let him know how you feel.

You can also release your emotions through exercise, a good workout will help get the adrenalin flowing and help free any trapped emotions you’re carrying. 

Be More Present

You can become more present by focusing on what you’re doing now. Most people are not present, they either live in the past or live in the future.

In other words, they’re either thinking about something that has already happened or thinking about something that’s going to happen.

When you find your mind going in different directions other than what you’re doing at the moment, bring it back. 

Learn How to Receive

By nature, women are receivers, but many women are not living in their natural state and prefer giving over receiving.

This is because low-self esteem has taught them they are not worthy enough to receive, and their value is found in giving instead. I know a lot of women like this, and it’s a very unnatural state to be in.

They burn themselves out being givers and then get upset because they’re not appreciated by the people they spend so much time helping.

The problem isn’t that they feel unappreciated. The problem is they’re not flowing in their natural state, and they don’t feel valued because they don’t value themselves.

You can learn to receive more by accepting compliments with grace, accepting help when it’s offered, and by restricting your giving. 

Enhance Your Sexuality

What happens when you dress sexy? You feel sexy right? Putting on a dress, wearing a pair of heels, a dash of lipstick, and some perfume make you feel instantly sexy.

Pay attention to the way you move when you’re dressed up and when you’re dressed down. There’s a huge difference. When you feel confident, you act confident.

Get into the habit of wearing sexy underwear every day. Sex therapist Rachel Needle states too many women only make an effort when they know they’re going to have a sexual encounter.

But wearing sexy underwear daily makes you feel sexy and confident. 


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#10 Start Having More Fun

Most people like children because they’re so carefree. They just go with the flow and have fun no matter where they are.

We all know that life can be challenging at times, but letting your hair down every once in a while will take the edge off things.

Some fun things you can do with your partner include paintballing, skydiving, bungee jumping, treasure hunting, and fruit picking. 

Do Guys Ever Come Back After Losing Interest?

Well, that depends on the guy and why he lost interest in you in the first place. Some men will come back; others won’t.

Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer to this question. He will come back if he realizes he lost interest for superficial reasons. You didn’t do anything wrong; he just got bored because he wanted something new.

Well, he went out, got something new, and discovered that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side after all.

On the other hand, the guy who might not come back is the one who had a valid reason to call it quits. He’s checked out mentally and emotionally, and there’s nothing that can convince him to stay. 

What Does a Guy do When He Loses Interest?

5 Possible Reasons Why He Lost Interest

He’ll start ignoring you and focusing his attention on what he finds interesting! It’s that simple, really. But in general, here are five things he’ll do when he loses interest:

He Acts Defensive and Rude

You literally can’t do anything right, it seems as if everything he once loved about you, he now hates. Your high-pitched voice was once music to his ears, and now it’s an irritant.

You used to make the best lasagne in the world, but now it’s got too much salt in it. He knit picks at everything you do, and he’s constantly causing unnecessary arguments.

When guys start acting like this, it’s because deep down, they know they don’t have a valid reason for losing interest.

So to make themselves feel better, they push you away in the hopes that you’ll get fed up and leave. Basically, he’s a coward and doesn’t have the guts to tell you he wants out of the relationship.

He Stops Answering the Phone

These days, you can never get him on the phone because he doesn’t answer it. And he has plenty of ready-made excuses as to why.

When you do manage to get through to him, the conversation is stale and dry, a stark contrast to the hours on end you used to spend on the phone talking about anything and everything. 

He Always Has an Excuse

Whether he’s got to do overtime at work or he has to take his mom to the doctors, he always has an excuse for not seeing you.

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When you try and make plans, he’s got something going on. If plans have already been made, he’ll cancel at the last minute. These are all signs your guy loses interest. 

He Stops Noticing You

He used to be very attentive and noticed you anytime you changed your appearance. If you got a haircut, had your hair dyed, got your nails done, or you’re wearing a new outfit, he’d notice and compliment you.

Not anymore, you could be standing in front of him naked, and he’ll act as if you’re invisible. 

He’s Stopped Talking About the Future

All your future plans appear to have gone down the drain. That vacation, his sister’s wedding, your dream home are all forgotten conversations.

When you bring it up, he swiftly changes the subject. He’s acting like this because he’s erased you from his future. He can’t see himself being with someone he’s not crazy about. 

Final Thoughts

If you ask any happily married couple who have been together for twenty, thirty, and forty years how they stayed together, they’ll tell you they weathered the storms.

They will tell you there were plenty of times they were on the brink of divorce, but they made a choice to remain faithful to their vows.

If you want a strong relationship, it’s going to take some work. Implement the suggestions mentioned in this article, give it more than one hundred percent, if it doesn’t work, at least you know you tried.

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

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