A narcissist wants their home to represent them as a person. Not the person they really are (that would be dumb!) – but the person they want you to think they are.
So my question to you is:
If home is where the heart is, then where is the narcissist’s home?
The one they want you to see is on full display.
So without further ado, take your shoes off at the front door, and I will show you around their (not so) humble abode.
Home is the Haven
It’s where we can all be ourselves, isn’t it?
Home is the place where we feel safe, secure and relaxed. It shouldn’t be where we worry or remember painful memories.
If you have a home like that, then I salute you for taking the time to give the environment you spend most of your time the love it needs.
You will likely organize it to suit you, but more than that, it will be lived in. Or as I like to call it – not perfect.
I don’t have all the latest gadgets. It doesn’t look like a show home. It’s a representation of real life, and that’s how it should be.
If you’re trying too hard, then you’re trying too hard.
Oh wait, it’s already starting to make sense…
Perfection
It should be the middle name of every narcissist, shouldn’t it?
Perfection is sought after from the moment they’re able to chase it. There’s this overwhelming feeling that all narcissists have, and that is this:
If I don’t build the perfect image for myself, one day somebody is going to figure out that I am just an average person, with an average body, in an average home, on an average wage.
They will discover that I don’t have any love for myself, and that I am just a scared person hiding behind a lion’s roar.
So what do they do? They have to live in an environment that mirrors that perfection. Always the perfect home.
The fence is always freshly painted. The garden is pristine. The curtains are always clean and matching. All the latest gadgets, plugs and devices are scattered throughout the home.
Each room has a theme, and is organized in a way that compliments light and energy.
Want to borrow a throw for a chilly evening? Pick one of the 14 they have, all perfectly cleaned and folded and made from some kind of rare, organic material.
Would you like a drink? How about choosing from their extensive wine cellar, or having a coffee from the very latest machine that creates the perfect coffee at the perfect temperature all within the space of 15 seconds?
You get where I am going with this. The home of a narcissist has an, “Oh, wow!” opportunity at every corner and turn.
These are designed to boost the narcissist’s ego when you inevitably make gushing compliments about what you see upon stepping inside.
Artwork, tiles, lighting – you name it.
I understand that people love to look after their home, but I need you to level up five times with me, here.
This is a scale like no other, but it’s because what you see usually correlates with the kind of person you’re dealing with.
You see the perfect home, and you assume the perfect person.
It’s an odd thing to do when you’re an outsider looking in, but for the narcissist, it’s what makes the most sense.
Just So
Stop moving things around!
It took the narcissist a long time to get it looking just so.
Think about the perfect mind.
It’s calm when it needs to be, it heals easily, it recognizes the need to rest and love, and appreciate.
It’s self-assured and confident without being over the top. It can reflect and be kind, both to you and others.
Now imagine a chaotic, messy mind. It’s less tolerant. Less able to cope under stress, and less able to make good choices for yourself.
A narcissist’s home is like a messy mind with a blanket thrown over it to hide the mess. If that blanket falls out of place, the risk of exposing the mess is likely.
If you touch anything in the narcissist’s home, or move it where it shouldn’t be, they can’t seem to cope well.
They vacuum up behind you, and they are constantly rearranging their cushions just to keep that perfect image flowing.
I don’t buy it, and I know what an odd thing it is to both witness and be a part of.
What’s Private, is Private
Narcissists love to keep certain things private. I don’t mean they refuse to leave their bank details lying around, but they do like to keep a lot of business to themselves.
I heard about a guy once who was one of the worst narcissists around. He was self-employed, and nobody was allowed to go anywhere near his study.
It was totally off-limits, and all his books were under lock and key, even simple client book-in books and his work schedule.
People would think how odd it was, as his work wasn’t the type that needed high security.
And guess what?
It transpired that he was actually fiddling the numbers in his book, pretending to be earning less than he was, and pocketing the cash!
He would pretend to need money, when in fact, he had a lot of it already.
The Outside? Big Tick!
Looks can be deceiving, can’t they?
If a narcissist is keeping the front of their house looking spotless – and I mean spotless – it’s a sign that the inside is somehow more rotten than you’d first think.
It’s a classic way to distract people from the truth, and I personally feel a real symbolic representation of the narcissist themselves.
You see one thing and you believe it to be true. Only after time do you discover what’s on the inside, and how contrasting those two things are.
So think about that next time you see the perfect house on first impressions.
It’s usually to make up for a lack of something else.
Expensive Everything On Display
Narcissists really have got to have it all, haven’t they?
With everything on display like it’s some kind of museum, narcissists love to brag.
Oh, that old thing? I picked it up on my travels.
That was found in a back street market in Bali when I went traveling for a year and discovered my love of yoga.
I absolutely loved that. I couldn’t resist buying it. Costs more than my car but hey, life is short, right?
It’s all to brag. But more worrying than that, these material objects are often further distractions.
If you’re looking at something bright, shiny and expensive, you’re not going to be focusing on the narcissist’s dark, shady character.
They’re so clever like that, and it’s what keeps people not really getting close to the real personality for sometimes a very long time.
Maybe next time you visit a narcissist’s house, you can see what red flags are around you.
They will definitely point you in the right direction of the kind of person that you’re dealing with, that’s for sure!
