A narcissist wants their home to represent them as a person. Not the person they really are (that would be dumb!) – but the person they want you to think they are.

So my question to you is:

If home is where the heart is, then where is the narcissist’s home?

The one they want you to see is on full display.

So without further ado, take your shoes off at the front door, and I will show you around their (not so) humble abode.

Home is the Haven

It’s where we can all be ourselves, isn’t it?

Home is the place where we feel safe, secure and relaxed. It shouldn’t be where we worry or remember painful memories. 

If you have a home like that, then I salute you for taking the time to give the environment you spend most of your time the love it needs. 

You will likely organize it to suit you, but more than that, it will be lived in. Or as I like to call it – not perfect. 

I don’t have all the latest gadgets. It doesn’t look like a show home. It’s a representation of real life, and that’s how it should be. 

If you’re trying too hard, then you’re trying too hard. 

Oh wait, it’s already starting to make sense…

Perfection

It should be the middle name of every narcissist, shouldn’t it?

Perfection is sought after from the moment they’re able to chase it. There’s this overwhelming feeling that all narcissists have, and that is this:

If I don’t build the perfect image for myself, one day somebody is going to figure out that I am just an average person, with an average body, in an average home, on an average wage.

They will discover that I don’t have any love for myself, and that I am just a scared person hiding behind a lion’s roar. 

So what do they do? They have to live in an environment that mirrors that perfection. Always the perfect home.

The fence is always freshly painted. The garden is pristine. The curtains are always clean and matching. All the latest gadgets, plugs and devices are scattered throughout the home. 

Each room has a theme, and is organized in a way that compliments light and energy.

Want to borrow a throw for a chilly evening? Pick one of the 14 they have, all perfectly cleaned and folded and made from some kind of rare, organic material. 

Would you like a drink? How about choosing from their extensive wine cellar, or having a coffee from the very latest machine that creates the perfect coffee at the perfect temperature all within the space of 15 seconds?

You get where I am going with this. The home of a narcissist has an, “Oh, wow!” opportunity at every corner and turn.

These are designed to boost the narcissist’s ego when you inevitably make gushing compliments about what you see upon stepping inside.

Artwork, tiles, lighting – you name it. 

I understand that people love to look after their home, but I need you to level up five times with me, here.

This is a scale like no other, but it’s because what you see usually correlates with the kind of person you’re dealing with.

You see the perfect home, and you assume the perfect person. 

It’s an odd thing to do when you’re an outsider looking in, but for the narcissist, it’s what makes the most sense. 

Just So

Stop moving things around!

It took the narcissist a long time to get it looking just so.

Think about the perfect mind.

It’s calm when it needs to be, it heals easily, it recognizes the need to rest and love, and appreciate.

It’s self-assured and confident without being over the top. It can reflect and be kind, both to you and others. 

Now imagine a chaotic, messy mind. It’s less tolerant. Less able to cope under stress, and less able to make good choices for yourself.

A narcissist’s home is like a messy mind with a blanket thrown over it to hide the mess. If that blanket falls out of place, the risk of exposing the mess is likely. 

If you touch anything in the narcissist’s home, or move it where it shouldn’t be, they can’t seem to cope well.

They vacuum up behind you, and they are constantly rearranging their cushions just to keep that perfect image flowing.

I don’t buy it, and I know what an odd thing it is to both witness and be a part of. 

What’s Private, is Private

Narcissists love to keep certain things private. I don’t mean they refuse to leave their bank details lying around, but they do like to keep a lot of business to themselves.

I heard about a guy once who was one of the worst narcissists around. He was self-employed, and nobody was allowed to go anywhere near his study. 

It was totally off-limits, and all his books were under lock and key, even simple client book-in books and his work schedule.

People would think how odd it was, as his work wasn’t the type that needed high security. 

And guess what?

It transpired that he was actually fiddling the numbers in his book, pretending to be earning less than he was, and pocketing the cash!

He would pretend to need money, when in fact, he had a lot of it already.

The Outside? Big Tick!

Looks can be deceiving, can’t they?

If a narcissist is keeping the front of their house looking spotless – and I mean spotless – it’s a sign that the inside is somehow more rotten than you’d first think.

It’s a classic way to distract people from the truth, and I personally feel a real symbolic representation of the narcissist themselves.

You see one thing and you believe it to be true. Only after time do you discover what’s on the inside, and how contrasting those two things are. 

So think about that next time you see the perfect house on first impressions.

It’s usually to make up for a lack of something else.

Expensive Everything On Display

Narcissists really have got to have it all, haven’t they?

With everything on display like it’s some kind of museum, narcissists love to brag.

Oh, that old thing? I picked it up on my travels. 

That was found in a back street market in Bali when I went traveling for a year and discovered my love of yoga.

I absolutely loved that. I couldn’t resist buying it. Costs more than my car but hey, life is short, right?

It’s all to brag. But more worrying than that, these material objects are often further distractions.

If you’re looking at something bright, shiny and expensive, you’re not going to be focusing on the narcissist’s dark, shady character. 

They’re so clever like that, and it’s what keeps people not really getting close to the real personality for sometimes a very long time. 

Maybe next time you visit a narcissist’s house, you can see what red flags are around you.

They will definitely point you in the right direction of the kind of person that you’re dealing with, that’s for sure!

What Narcissists Really Think About You?

You should never sit in the seat of certainty when it comes to any narcissist.

You will never be there for long, because you were instead destined for confusion.

Narcissists think and act differently, depending on their mood that day. If they feel like it, they will be nice.

If they’re nice, it’ll be because they want something from you.

If they’re not nice, it’s because they need your supply. They like to see you suffer.

Knowing what they really think about you will give you an idea of their true character…

…And it’s not good.

You Think You Know Them?

Nobody ever really knows the narcissist. The only person who knows them is them. 

I don’t think it’s ever really wise to assume you know everything there is to know about somebody so toxic.

After all, they love to change the goalposts so much that as soon as you feel you have them pegged, they change and shift the tides to suit themselves.

The same can be said for what they really think about you.

Living Your Best Life, Until…

They come along!

It’s the same with all narcissists. You’re happy until you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into. 

Isn’t it a shame to think that the narcissist, somebody who claims to have your best interests at heart, treats you the way they do?

How can somebody who says such loving things never ever prove that love in any healthy way at all?

Underneath Their Act Lies Jealousy

It’s okay to be a little envious in life. It’s a natural response to somebody having what you would love to have.

For example, your friend could have bought themselves a new holiday cabin with a view.

Darn. I would love that. I am so envious you get to go there!

That’s where it ends, though, right?

I mean – you have a choice. You can work hard to earn the money for one. You can ask to stay there if you paid your way for the week.

Narcissists don’t get envious – they rage with jealousy.

They detest all the good in the lives of others and will resent you for what you have.

Is that normal?

Nope!

Is that right?

Absolutely not!

“Look At You, All Happy. That’ll Have To Stop…”

They hate your happiness. It acts like a plague on them. They want to cut it off as quickly as they can, so they’ll do what it takes to ensure any joy is fleeting.

How dare they smile and have things go their way?!

The confusing part for you is that you think they love you. You automatically think they’ll be happy when you receive good news, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Any happiness is bound to come from something or somebody other than them. That’s a major threat. How could you allow that?!

Derailing your happiness can take various forms: mocking you until you stop, criticizing you until you no longer believe in yourself, or shaming you until guilt about your own happiness eats you up. 

I could go on forever. 

Imagine being around somebody who loathes seeing you content that much.

“I Can Get Away With Anything!”

Forgiveness is an act undertaken by people who can see the bigger picture. They want peace and understand that people make mistakes. 

Asking for forgiveness can alter how you view your mistakes if that forgiveness is going to be abused later on. 

Those who are genuine in being sorry know they will not repeat what they did to hurt the other person. That’s how it generally goes, right?

Narcissists don’t care. They truly don’t. They will repeatedly offend, time and time again. 

They know they’ve got several love-bombing tricks up their sleeves that have proven very efficient so far. 

There’s no reason why those things won’t work all over again.

And you know what? All the while you continue to forgive, they will continue to offend. 

They Don’t Love You

I know it’s a tough pill to swallow. Knowing you aren’t loved takes a lot of hard work because, for the most part, you feel in complete denial. 

Of course, they love me. They tell me they do.

I know they love me. They wouldn’t have taken me on that expensive trip if they didn’t. 

You learn the value of love to only be at the currency the narcissist sets.

Love isn’t a currency. It doesn’t ebb or flow. It remains. 

I know it’s hard to admit to be true. All that emotional work you put into the relationship. All the ways you were vulnerable and shared your life with them. 

I speak truthfully when I tell you it was all a ploy to get you to play their game. 

Threatened By Your Success…

If a narcissist sees your success, they’re going to want and need to put a stop to it immediately. 

Your success can be compared to a competition you don’t even realize you’re in.

You’re exceeding, and the judges have their eye on you. Only the narcissist is also taking part, and the judges aren’t even looking their way at all. 

The anger. The resentment. The envy. It will all spill over the surface.

So, what does the narcissist do? When nobody is watching, they will sabotage what you are making or creating so that you fall down in the competition rankings.

They may even steal what you have and use it for themselves.

That’ll get them noticed!

They can’t stand to see you getting the attention. To them, you don’t deserve happiness because it isn’t something they’re personally gaining for themselves. 

What a dangerous and toxic trait to have, right?

Well… welcome to the world of narcissists.

…Pleased When You Fail!

The party poppers would be popping constantly if the narcissist had their way. When you fail, it’s not something they necessarily or overtly laugh about (although that can happen).

Instead, they will quietly smirk in the corner of a darkened room. They don’t want others to see their joy, but that won’t stop them from feeling it.

You’d think somebody who claimed to care about you would be falling over themselves with concern if you are down, sad, failing, or having a terrible day.

Nope.

Narcissists love it. They love seeing you fall because when you do, you land at the bottom of the heap, exactly where the narcissist resides. 

Knowing they have company makes them feel better, and seeing your misery or disappointment will ensure a huge grin is plastered all over their faces—difficult to wipe off.