Who’d have thought it was possible to cause a narcissist pain? They seem so unbreakable on the outside, but in reality, they’re the most sensitive people to walk the earth.
In order to hurt them, you’ve got to get under their skin.
I’ve found the 10 moves that hurt them so badly, you’ll wish you’d have known about them a lot sooner!
Let’s not pretend to be people who enjoy hurting, but instead, use these moves to empower yourself. You’ve earned that right.
#1 Going No Contact
Come on, I know you can do it. I’ve worked with countless people who have gone no contact with a narcissist they once knew or dated.
These people are now firmly in their past, and tas a result they’re now living their best lives ever.
And it’s not without a battle first. It’s hard to even have the courage to go no contact, let alone battle with the intermittent guilt that comes with making such a harsh choice.
But it has to be harsh, doesn’t it? There’s nothing quite like it, and yeah, it will pain the narcissist greatly. You’ve done the seemingly impossible, and you’ve taken yourself out of the equation.
No more supply, no more abuse. Good news for you, bad news for them.
#2 Thriving Without Them
When you’re with a narcissist, it takes all your energy to even survive the experience.
You feel as though you’re being pulled backward through a hedge without a clue what direction you’re going in.
When the time comes when you part ways, it can initially feel like you just want to curl up and rest for a thousand winters.
Then something happens, a switch goes on, and you start to understand what it means to thrive.
Thriving without them.
The narcissist will look on from their new place, and see you getting on so well.
You did that without them, which goes to show that anything is possible. The old you would be proud of the person you’ve become, and the narcissist will feel the pain of truth…
…You never needed them after all, and you’ve just proven it to yourself.
#3 Not giving a reaction
That’s what they want from you, and time and time again they will do what it takes to get it.
That reaction. Those tears. The way you beg. The helpless feeling you put out into the world when you are met with anger or silence yet again.
The disappointed look on your face when they, yet again, mock or ridicule you.
Their cruelty becomes the reason you react, yet the moment you stop is the moment they realize they can no longer affect you. They want to, and they try. It’s no use.
It’s an obvious pain they feel, because all the while they’ve known you, they’ve held that control. And now it doesn’t exist.
Ouch!
#4 Speaking your truth
We should all be able to say what we want without being told, “That didn’t happen, you’re imagining things, I think you’ve got a great imagination.”
Enough, already!
Your truth is what you feel, what you know, what you experienced, what you saw, and what you heard.
Nothing else really matters, but the narcissist will hurt when they realize they can’t gaslight you into thinking or feeling what they want.
#5 Setting boundaries and holding them
Hold them like you never want to let them go, but also remember why you’re holding them.
You have to want to live your life your way, without fear of being walked all over. And trust me, narcissists are experts at doing that.
Without access to the other side of your boundaries, narcissists won’t be able to control you anymore.
They won’t think that you’re somebody weak who will just let them in and give them permission to override your values.
Will it hurt the narcissist? Yes. Can it be uncomfortable applying strong boundaries and holding them in place? Yes.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it for your own sake. You get to make your own choices, and stick by them.
#6 Embracing who you are now
Knowing that you’re not perfect because nobody is, you’ve learned to embrace life and become somebody who is okay with that.
That’s what hurts the narcissist the most, isn’t it? Knowing that you’re okay with who you are to the point where you embrace it.
In usual dynamics with narcissists, there’s always the push of their narrative and the pull of the victim needing and wanting the truth.
They learn the truth is that they’re broken, but this is nothing but a farce.
So grab who you are and own it. Let them hate from afar.
#7 Walking away from their toxicity
You don’t need to be around toxicity, despite how clever they are at baiting you into staying.
There’s the guilt for wanting to leave, the shame they apply for thinking you can be on your own, and the intimidation and threats toward you for even considering it.
And then there’s you. The person who gets to decide what they want regardless of what the narcissist attempts. So walking away from it all is down to you.
If you do? That’ll be a painful moment for them.
But that’s not your problem.
#8 Letting go of guilt
Narcissists lay on guilt like they’re spreading butter on a cracker. When you feel bad, they can control the outcome of any given situation that’s tied to that guilt.
You’ll do whatever to make them happy because you feel you owe them.
But what do you owe them?
Letting go of that guilt means you get to stand on your own two feet and reject claims that are not true. You get to live your way.
#9 Reclaiming your energy
The energy that’s been stolen from you all the time you’ve known them?
Yeah. If you’re reclaiming it, you’re stealing your own supply back from the narcissist!
Taking back what was yours in the first place will give you a new lease of life, and it will also pain them more than you’d imagine.
They live for taking, and they expect people to constantly give. If your energy resides within you and stays there, they’ve got nothing.
#10 Trusting yourself again
It’s a big one, and I know it may not seem possible to you right now.
Trusting yourself means being able to believe that you make positive choices, and that your opinions are valid and meaningful.
A narcissist knows that if they want to manipulate your mind, all they have to do is gaslight you.
On a daily basis for goodness knows how long, that can really alter how the victim perceives their lives and what’s going on around them.
Once you get back to trusting yourself, you’re taking away the opportunity for them to steal your reality and replace it with their own.
Living on your own terms, knowing right from wrong because it came from you.
It feels good to finally get to a place where that can lead you on your own journey, rather than being the one that’s led.
And if it pains the narcissist, so what?
