When it comes to love and life, the foundation of making friends or falling in love with anybody starts and ends with trust.
If you can’t trust, you’ve got absolutely nothing.
So let’s think about that for a moment…
Narcissistic people were born to lie, and that will never change, but what’s the one thing you should view as the sign that should read ‘Never Trust Me!’?
What should make you turn on your heel quicker than greased lightning, and bolt?
Look no further…
Of all the advice I can give you…
And I know it can be a lot, but this time, I really need you to be present for this, as it will save you if you pay attention to it.
And you can take or leave it, but there’s nothing good in leaving it if you want to get over a narcissist, or refuse to step into an abusive situation that you’re teetering on the edge of.
Trust is a big part of what makes us able to form and keep great relationships.
Friends or lovers, trust needs to be firmly in place. It takes a long time to build, and a split second to ruin forever.
The tell-tale sign that you should never trust a person is this…
This is why it’s so important to never trust man or woman who:
Makes your reaction to their bad behavior of you the problem.
You heard me correctly. When you react to their bad behavior, you are not the problem.
You are raising a perfectly good issue in the hope of gaining clarity, and perhaps even an apology. You speak up because it’s unfair, and you want the person to be held accountable for it.
But instead, you get their wrath.
What are you acting up for?
Why are you raising your voice at me?
What is making you so snappy?
Why are you being like this?
Have you listened to yourself?
You are losing your mind!
How dare you?!
Wait, what? What happened to them being an asshole and you having every right to speak up and confront them about it?
Why is it when you finally react, the problem is that you stepped out of the agreeable victim role they carved out for you into your own person?
What’s with the reaction?!
Read the question I just asked again, and think about it.
As far as the narcissist is concerned, the problem is that you stepped out of the agreeable role they pinned you down in.
Your reaction is riddled with truths. It’s covered in everything that makes the narcissist realize you are no longer keeping quiet about something they’ve had to tolerate for so long.
And now?
Now they’ve got what they want.
They see you reacting, and now they can make the entire moment about how unreasonably you;re acting, as opposed to what got you there in the first place.
Narcissists often corner their victims this way on purpose, just to be able to distract them from their bad behavior.
And they are so good at ignoring the root of the issue – them – and focusing on you instead.
They can goad you, mock you, criticize you, snap at you, swear at you, laugh at you; the list is endless.
The moment you dare have an opinion about it, or react with emotion, they know they’ve got you.
They feel like they’ve won.
The problem should never be you
If you’re the person who has to put up with the toxicity, the narcissism, the bad moods and the blame; you should never be classed as the problem.
Let’s put it this way.
You are doing everything you can to make the relationship work. You want to make your partner happy, and you want them to make you happy, too.
So you let a lot of things slide. You excuse bad behavior. You allow yourself to forgive a little too often because you want to keep the peace.
So why then, are you the problem the minute you react to something you’ve had to tolerate for so long?
The trust should be gone the moment the narcissist turns the mirror on you and shows you what they want you to see.
You need a person who…
If I can be brutally honest, you need a person who doesn’t do this.
It’s not difficult to know, but that person can be difficult to find if you’re only used to the gravitational pull of a narcissist’s charm.
Emotional regulation is something I think most people take for granted in their relationship. To others, it’s normal.
But for those who have escaped abuse, emotional regulation heals. And it validates all the times you wish you could experience it in the past, but failed to.
Side step the projection
I think both you and I know how important it is to side step this level of projection.
When the narcissist is biting at you to react, one of the most challenging things you can do as a victim is not do that thing.
Refuse to be labeled something that you’re not, and accept that the easy life you want is giving you all the reasons why you feel so hopeless.
If you stood up and said, “No more,” you might just find you are able to prove to yourself that the narcissist sets up these traps to make you feel the way you do, and to see you crumble.
No accountability equals no relationship
What’s the point in having a relationship if both of you aren’t going to be accountable when it matters?
You can’t live your life saying sorry while the other person refuses to even admit the word exists. It isn’t one rule for them, one rule for you. That’s not how relationships work.
This is a pretty strong case for you to start a little self-reflection, and admit that you have tolerated far too much, for far too long.
Big question: What were you mad about?
A closing piece of advice I can offer you is this:
The next time you react, ask yourself what you were mad about. What got you to the point where you snapped? Think hard, because all roads will lead to the narcissist if you do the work.
Was it the way they kept asking you the same question over and over again?
Did they drag up the one time in the past you messed up, and you had enough?
Did they mutter something under their breath purposely loud enough for you to hear them?
Did they accuse you of something you both know that you didn’t do?
Either way, here’s a thought. Somebody who says they love you would not say those things, or act that way.
When you react, you’re offering a way for the conversation to take a turn away from what they did wrong, and head full speed toward the reaction.
There’s suddenly no room to breathe, and there’s no direction for you to turn that allows you to be free from their blame and projection.
Men and women are never to be trusted in this instance. If they can do this to you, they can do anything.
