So you’re right in the center of a discussion that’s stressing you out. You’re flipping out, and the narcissist is encouraging you more and more to keep doing it.
They love to see you angry, losing your mind, and powering down to them.
If you want to make it worse for them, read these 9 things to never tell a narcissist during an argument.
Ask yourself if you’ve been dying to say them to the narcissist in your life, and give yourself a point for each one!
In The Thick of it
I understand what it’s like to be in the thick of an argument with a person who is so unwilling to hear your side of the story or admit that they’re at fault.
I am familiar with the concept of a level of toxicity so high that they don’t care how much you’re hurting or begging, they will continue to overtalk and overpower you throughout your conflict.
Being so caught in these patterns means you’re going to flit between feeling like you’re on an incredible high versus searching for a way out of the negative that accompanies these kinds of arguments.
You’ll want to fire back with the kinds of comments that would temporarily make you feel good, and believe me, some people do.
#1 I’m So Done
What a way to wake the beast inside the narcissist. It seems well within your rights to tell them that you’re done with them if they’re obsessed with treating you this poorly, but I ask you this.
Do you mean what you say here? If you do, I would heavily suggest taking it out of the argument and placing it in normal conversation – reworded.
“Im so done” will rile them further. You’re giving them their own worst case scenario in real time, right at a point where they’re already losing their mind, yelling and expressing a lot of anger.
It’s sensible to me that you would understand this isn’t the best way to act during that moment.
You can be done and find a way to get that across without invoking their biggest fear – abandonment – in the height of emotion.
#2 You’re Wrong
Oh no. I feel as though I already want to take cover, because these phrases are only going to go one way.
Let’s start at the beginning; narcissists are always wrong. There’s never a time where what they say – in particular critical comments toward you – are going to be right. So you can deal with them in one of two ways.
You can either accept this in your day-to-day and ensure you pay them no mind when you know they’re wrong, or you can raise it in the middle of a fight.
Forgive me here, but I know which one I’d prefer. If you’re going to remind a narcissist that they’re wrong, you’re only set to create a distance between you.
The narcissist will see you standing up and speaking your truth, and they won’t like it.
That means they’ll either fight you further, or realize that you’re no longer a person to be messed with and discard you entirely.
#3 Grow The Heck Up
This phrase hits them right where it hurts (no, not there!) – their ego.
They want to be seen as the all important pillar of society, with everything going for them.
They want to be successful, loved, admired and crowned the leader of the pack. And so you come along and remind them that they’re acting like a petulant child and it will trigger the eff out of them.
#4 This is Your Fault
Arguments automatically give way for somebody to eventually blame the other person.
It’s just what happens when at least one of the two people fighting are mad, and soon, verbal shots are fired in some kind of way, even if relationships are healthy.
You were late home, that’s why we’re late to dinner.
Why do you always get so defensive when I try to tell you how I feel?
Why didn’t you fill the car up when you said you would?
Everyday tit for tat, and while I never promote arguing, I don’t think relationships are possible without some kind of disagreement here and there.
But telling a narcissist it’s their fault? You’re in for a different kind of argument if you jump into these kinds of waters.
They will seethe with rage the moment you point the finger at them (even if you’re right!)
Letting them know you see them, and see their faults is going to trigger them into overdrive and loop them back to an anger you could do without.
How dare you?
After all I do for you!
You’ve got some nerve!
I think you should be telling yourself these things!
Nope!
#5 Always…
You always do this.
You always belittle me.
You always make me feel like I’ve done something wrong.
You always walk away when I start telling the truth.
I get it, though. It’s the truth. They do always act that way.
If you’re telling them this kind of thing during a heated discussion, I severely doubt you’re going to get the answers you’re looking for from them. They’ll just yell at you and be even more unkind to get revenge.
There are ways to get your point across, though, and I do believe it can be done in a calmer way.
#6 Never…
You never treat me with respect.
You never think good things about me.
You never put me first.
You never see me for who I am.
Again, telling the narcissist they never do something will just rile them.
You’ve insinuated that they’re somehow less than for reasons you’re giving, and that will serve as nothing but a huge trigger to them at a time you probably won’t want to be triggering them at all.
#7 Stop Lying
Okay, first of all, I applaud you for trying to ask the narcissist to stop lying, as if they’re going to suddenly bow down and do as they’re being told.
It’s honestly honorable to even try to get them out of their web of lies they love so much.
Second, you’re accusing them of being a liar, which is what they’re going to pick up on.
It’s time to deny, deny, deny! They don’t lie, they tell you truths that you don’t want to hear! (That’s what they will say, anyway).
#8 I Don’t Need You
You can speak a little too soon in haste, and I understand that about arguments.
It’s true that you don’t need them. You don’t need anybody other than yourself, but be careful what you wish for before you’re totally ready to part ways.
Narcissists make it very difficult for their partners to leave, and will go to the ends of the earth to isolate them and make them completely dependent.
If you’re telling them you don’t need them, you’d better mean it, because they will up and leave.
#9 But You Promised…
What’s the point in reminding them about the promises they made? You might as well not bother, after all, they’re either not going to care about those promises, or simply not remember them at all.
Whatever the outcome, the promises you heard meant nothing at the time, and if possible, they mean even less now.
You’re better off not relying on those promises to bloom into truths and live your life making your own promises to yourself instead.
