I don’t want you to think that you can master the art of dealing with narcissists without making mistakes. 

This one mistake opens the path for all the others, yet victims make it every single day. 

It only feeds their ego but also leaves you vulnerable to their manipulative tactics, and I am really keen to show you so that you can avoid it.

It’s your life on the line, and I want you to be able to take control for once. 

So, the next time you find yourself falling into the pit of toxicity, consider this one mistake and use it to lift yourself out…

What Means The Most To You?

The preface to this entire topic is you reflecting on what matters to you the very most. I ask because sometimes people forget, they really do.

So, that being said, what do you value?

Is it honesty? Integrity? Courage? Trust? Love? Compassion? Purpose? What is your purpose?

These are heavy questions, aren’t they? But it’s all leading somewhere, let me assure you…

Ah, Yes. Trust

Let’s back up, because I do believe we’re getting somewhere.

Trust.

In life, trust is like the foundation to your house. It’s what you build everything on.

It has to be strong, it has to be safe, and it has to be longstanding. You can’t go building houses on a rough, uneven and unkempt patch of land…

…Just like you can’t build a relationship on lies. 

So trust as a concept means you value it, and expect the person you love to offer the same back to you. 

Without Even Needing an Explanation

I personally don’t believe we should be explaining the concept of trust to somebody.

I think if you see somebody you want to be with, you should automatically have that be the epicenter of your partnership. 

Do narcissists need the explanation that you value trust so much?

Do they need to be reminded of how important it is?

How It All Falls Apart: Making That Mistake

It’s where the mistake begins. 

Trusting the narcissist. 

Now, I don’t just mean trusting them not to cheat. Assuming they won’t, and that you’re the only light in their life.

Trust goes way beyond monogamy. I’ll give you a little run down, here. 

Trust is also: 

Not saying you’re in one place, then going to another.

Making sure you respect the boundaries of another person.

Not being let down or disappointed by somebody constantly.

Knowing you can rely on that person to play their part, whether paying a bill, or getting some shopping.

Safely knowing that they are there to support you.

Not talking negatively about you behind your back.

Keeping to their word. 

You see? 

It’s everything that requires a relationship to be successful. 

How it Falls Apart is…

Like anything. The moment you realize there is no trust – everything starts to fall apart. 

So, trusting a narcissist to be all or any of the above is a mistake everybody needs to avoid.

So why do so many people actually make the mistake in the first place?

Patterns of Disillusion

The disillusion of the narcissist is not something you should be apologizing for, for not spotting. You know, all too often I hear this phrase:

When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.

That’s all very well and good, but how do you handle that when the narcissist is showing you the fake version of themselves?

What chance do you have when you see someone who seems so loving and kind? They are attentive and offer gifts and time to you that solidify your belief they’re a good person? The best person, perhaps?

You fall into the trap, and you, by default, trust them.

So far, they’re giving you absolutely no reason not to. 

It’s only when everything begins to fray at the seams that you see them for who they really are. 

By then, you’ve let them in, and they ‘ve stamped all over your trust with their lies. 

How You Can Trust Yourself Again

The big part about making the mistake of trusting a narcissist is that you might lose a little trust in yourself. 

How could I have been s stupid?

Do I even know good from bad?

How did I miss so much?

I’m not here to magnify those feelings you’re almost certainly going to have. I think you’d be pretty normal to have such mixed emotions.

How, though, can you go from openly trusting somebody who turned out to be toxic, to doing everything you can to avoid a similar experience in the future?

• Learn that it wasn’t your fault. Narcissists are going to be who they are with whomever they meet. You had nothing to do with it other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

• Don’t let it stop you from dating or trying again to meet somebody. No, you don’t have to dive in as quickly as you felt you did with the narcissist. The slower you go, the more deeply you’ll get to know the other person. 

• Trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not. 

• Be patient with yourself. There isn’t a single person I know who is perfect. It’s okay to get people wrong. You thought they were one thing, but they turned out to be another. It’s okay. 

Never Means NEVER

When I say never make this mistake, I truly mean it. 

• Once you know they possess narcissistic traits, you have to start seeing your trust in them as their illusion in creation. They provided you with the evidence that we were to be counted on, but their actions prove otherwise. 

• Don’t for once imagine that what they have is a changeable character. Breaking of trust can’t be fixed – certainly not to the way it was before.

• If a narcissist is giving you a reason to not trust them, believe them. If they’re letting you down, never following up on the promises they make to you, or making you question yourself – leave. 

• And finally – this is a big one: Don’t let the narcissist’s inability to provide trust determine your worth. If you think, “They do nothing to make me trust them, it must be what I deserve,” – STOP. How can it be about you? Before they met you, they were exactly the same. After they leave, they will continue. There are unsuspecting people out there, and there are those who learned their lesson. 

Then there’s you. 

The person who will never trust a narcissist ever again, no matter how sickly sweet their charm and charisma may be.