I don’t want you to think that you can master the art of dealing with narcissists without making mistakes.
This one mistake opens the path for all the others, yet victims make it every single day.
It only feeds their ego but also leaves you vulnerable to their manipulative tactics, and I am really keen to show you so that you can avoid it.
It’s your life on the line, and I want you to be able to take control for once.
So, the next time you find yourself falling into the pit of toxicity, consider this one mistake and use it to lift yourself out…
What Means The Most To You?
The preface to this entire topic is you reflecting on what matters to you the very most. I ask because sometimes people forget, they really do.
So, that being said, what do you value?
Is it honesty? Integrity? Courage? Trust? Love? Compassion? Purpose? What is your purpose?
These are heavy questions, aren’t they? But it’s all leading somewhere, let me assure you…
Ah, Yes. Trust
Let’s back up, because I do believe we’re getting somewhere.
Trust.
In life, trust is like the foundation to your house. It’s what you build everything on.
It has to be strong, it has to be safe, and it has to be longstanding. You can’t go building houses on a rough, uneven and unkempt patch of land…
…Just like you can’t build a relationship on lies.
So trust as a concept means you value it, and expect the person you love to offer the same back to you.
Without Even Needing an Explanation
I personally don’t believe we should be explaining the concept of trust to somebody.
If you see somebody you want to be with, that should automatically be the epicenter of your partnership.
Do narcissists need the explanation that you value trust so much?
Do they need to be reminded of how important it is?
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How It All Falls Apart: Making That Mistake
It’s where the mistake begins.
Trusting the narcissist.
Now, I don’t just mean trusting them not to cheat. Assuming they won’t, and that you’re the only light in their life.
Trust goes way beyond monogamy. I’ll give you a little run down, here.
Trust is also:
Not saying you’re in one place, then going to another.
Making sure you respect the boundaries of another person.
Not being let down or disappointed by somebody constantly.
Knowing you can rely on that person to play their part, whether paying a bill, or getting some shopping.
Safely knowing that they are there to support you.
Not talking negatively about you behind your back.
Keeping to their word.
You see?
It’s everything that requires a relationship to be successful.
How it Falls Apart is…
Like anything. The moment you realize there is no trust – everything starts to fall apart.
So, trusting a narcissist to be all or any of the above is a mistake everybody needs to avoid.
So why do so many people actually make the mistake in the first place?
Patterns of Disillusion
The disillusion of the narcissist is not something you should be apologizing for, for not spotting. You know, all too often I hear this phrase:
When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.
That’s all very well and good, but how do you handle that when the narcissist is showing you the fake version of themselves?
What chance do you have when you see someone who seems so loving and kind?
They are attentive and offer gifts and time to you that solidify your belief they’re a good person? The best person, perhaps?
You fall into the trap, and you, by default, trust them.
So far, they’re giving you absolutely no reason not to.
Only when everything begins to fray at the seams do you see them for who they really are.
By then, you’ve let them in, and they ‘ve stamped all over your trust with their lies.
How You Can Trust Yourself Again
The big part about making the mistake of trusting a narcissist is that you might lose a little trust in yourself.
How could I have been s stupid?
Do I even know good from bad?
How did I miss so much?
I’m not here to magnify those feelings you will almost certainly have. I think you’d be pretty normal to have such mixed emotions.
How, though, can you go from openly trusting somebody who turned out to be toxic, to doing everything you can to avoid a similar experience in the future?
- Learn that it wasn’t your fault. Narcissists are going to be who they are with whomever they meet. You had nothing to do with it other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
- Don’t let it stop you from dating or trying again to meet somebody. No, you don’t have to dive in as quickly as you felt you did with the narcissist. The slower you go, the more deeply you’ll get to know the other person.
- Trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not.
- Be patient with yourself. There isn’t a single person I know who is perfect. It’s okay to get people wrong. You thought they were one thing, but they turned out to be another. It’s okay.
Never Means NEVER
When I say never make this mistake, I truly mean it.
- Once you know they possess narcissistic traits, you have to start seeing your trust in them as their illusion in creation. They provided evidence that we were to be counted on, but their actions prove otherwise.
- Don’t for once imagine that what they have is a changeable character. Breaking of trust can’t be fixed – certainly not to the way it was before.
- If a narcissist is giving you a reason to not trust them, believe them. If they’re letting you down, never following up on the promises they make to you, or making you question yourself – leave.
- And finally – this is a big one: Don’t let the narcissist’s inability to provide trust determine your worth. If you think, “They do nothing to make me trust them, it must be what I deserve,” – STOP. How can it be about you? Before they met you, they were exactly the same. After they leave, they will continue. There are unsuspecting people out there, and there are those who learned their lesson.
Then there’s you.
The person who will never trust a narcissist ever again, no matter how sickly sweet their charm and charisma may be.
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The 20 Biggest Fears Of Narcissists
They don’t look like they fear anything, do they?
Narcissists really do walk around acting as if they are perfect. If you were to ask them what they’re scared of, they’d laugh in your face and tell you to move out of their way.
Well, I’m here to tell you the truth.
Narcissists are petrified of more than you have ever known…
…Until now.
Here, I unlock the 20 biggest fears of narcissists, so you don’t need to embarrass them by asking them what they’re scared of ever again.
When The Narcissist Can’t Sleep At Night
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
3am?!
What’s keeping the narcissist up at night?
It’s likely to be thinking about their fears, as believe it or not, they cross their minds from time to time.
Those fears remain buried under the guise of the charmer – the person everybody sees when they initially speak to the narcissist.
Well, I’ve got my shovel, and I am about to dig each fear up.
#1 It’s Expose Time!
Imagine the look of terror on the narcissist’s face when you expose them. It’ll be brief, sure. If you blink, you miss it.
Because soon enough – that fear will convert into rage – an emotion you’re probably much more familiar with when you think about the narcissist in your life.
Before that rage, that fear will be evident. The idea of you telling everybody the true character of the narcissist fills them with an impalpable dread.
It all starts to crumble.
They’ve nowhere to hide, and they cannot fool everybody anymore. At least some people will believe you, and that’s all you’d need to expose them fully.
So yes – it keeps the narcissist up at night to think you could do such a thing, knowing as soon you do so, their power diminishes.
#2 Control: Officially Lost
Get ready for the narcissist’s foundation to shake, rattle and roll.
Losing control is last on their list of ideals, but it’s a stark possibility when the victim turns to victor.
Seeing through the narcissism to a person who, underneath it all, is just a small-minded, afraid nobody, makes them more worried than you could imagine.
If that control goes – what do they have?!
#3 The Truth is Feared
What is the truth?
We all know, don’t we?
We’re dealing with a person, or several people if you’re really unlucky, who aren’t who they say they are.
There is a truth behind the lies, and behind that is the ongoing fear from the narcissist that their lies will be exposed.
Believe me when I say that the narcissist will do what it takes to silence their victims, but that doesn’t mean the truth will never prevail.
#4 The Ordinary
Ordinary means what to you? For me, it’s just an average day, with nothing standing out. No one big moment.
Narcissists hate not standing out. They always want to be the center of attention, and if they’re seen as normal, or ordinary, that will be the biggest threat – and fear – to their grandiose personality.
#5 Being Alone
Imagine having nobody to manipulate. When they need to suck the life out of another – there’s not a soul available.
Narcissists need people around not just to do this with, but also, those people are needed to influence.
The absence of others is the absence of validation and supply, and without a push from others for attention, the narcissist won’t fully know how to function.
They fear being alone for that very reason.
#6 Bye Bye, Attention
Invisibility is the true enemy of the narcissist. They need to be the honey, while the bees buzz around them constantly.
Without that noise, there is silence.
And in silence, there will be zero attention.
#7 Others… Happy… Really?
No single soul on the planet has the right to be happy (according to the narcissist). If you’re so happy, what could you possibly be so happy about?
How dare you!
Your smile is enough to have it wiped right off your face, and the narcissist is going to love doing so.
Passing judgment. Criticizing you. Bringing you down. Triggering you. Disappointing you. Giving you the silent treatment and yelling at you. Whatever it takes. Why?
Simple! They fear that your happiness will create this brand new version of you that will tolerate the narcissist just that little bit less.
#8 How Victims Self-Love
Listen, if you’re loving yourself, then you are loving the narcissist less. It’s great for you – and that’s exactly why it isn’t good for them.
The fear that comes from you loving yourself is that you will decide you’re too good for them – and leave.
#9 Financial Independence
You’ve got your money sorted, you earn a large buck or two, and there’s nothing they can do about it.
Seeing you take care of your finances so well, there’s little to no chance of them taking it all away from you – leaving you dependent on them.
Big fear!
#10 “So What?”
Ah, so you’re indifferent, are you?
That’s a big ache in the gut for the narcissist, who thrives on your reactions. If you don’t have any ones to give, consider yourself immune to the narcissist…
…New narcissist fear unlocked!
#11 Brave Enough To Be Accountable
Accountability is a huge fear of the narcissist, who usually ensures that what they’re doing will never be found out.
They don’t want to own up to any wrongdoing – so you can safely tick this as a huge fear of theirs.
#12 Losing to Legality
If you want to really send shivers down the narcissist’s spine – threaten them with legal action.
It’s the epitome of doing wrong for all to see as well – which only adds to their nightmare!
#13 New Victims: Gone
Just when they thought they had a good victim in you – you up and leave.
Their plans turn to dust, and they become vulnerable all over again, with no supply!
#14 Strong? Good!
Your strength kills narcissists. It acts as such a strong repellent that you would be hard pushed to see any narcissist stick around.
They’re scared of you! What narcissist wants to admit that they’re scared of somebody?!
#15 Being Alone
You can forgive babies for not wanting to be alone – but grown adults? This isn’t about normal loneliness that can really affect people – this is the fear of having no life to suck out of anybody.
#16 Mirror Mirror On The Wall
Don’t look into it if you’re a narcissist, because we all know – including you – that you are not the fairest of them all!
The biggest fear of a narcissist is doing so, and seeing that ugliness stare back at them.
#17 “No Thanks, Bye”
Rejection.
Ouch.
A narcissist experienced enough of this as a child, and it is a huge trigger for them; a reminder that they aren’t good enough for somebody.
#18 Criticism
What do you mean they aren’t perfect?
You cannot tell a narcissist that they have faults! That’s their job to make you feel shitty – not the other way around!
#19 Partners In The Know
Knowing who the narcissist really is means the power shifts from them, to you.
What does that mean for you? Well, you’re likely to be a person who wants to do bad with their power, but it does mean you no longer get played by them.
They fear this – they fear you having an education in narcissism. You have the power to expose and all them out.
A powerless narcissist is not a happy narcissist.
#20 Getting Over: Moving On
If you’ve gotten over a narcissist and moved on – you’ve done what they thought you’d never do.
Always expecting you to be around to use and abuse, you’ve finally made your way out of it.
While that’s a moment for real pride, it’s a moment of fear for them.
What do they do now?
