If you’ve been unlucky enough to give out money to a narcissist only to never see it back, then this one’s for you.
You’ve loaned them, and too much time has gone by now. It’s about time you saw what is yours back in your pocket.
Only you never do, because the narcissist will say anything to avoid handing you the cash back.
I want to show you what that really sounds like, in the hope that it will be enough to teach you to keep what’s yours in your bank account.
Don’t ever make the same mistake twice.
1 First mistake: the narcissist got hold of your cash
If this advice has reached you too late, then you will at least remember it for the next time the narcissist wants your money. If it’s got to you in time:
Never loan the narcissist.
Yes, these people are convincing. I get it. They come to you with their tail between their legs, and they want something you have.
I know how much time they spend perfecting that victim mentality, and to sell it to you with a pout and a sigh would mean you reach for your pocket and offer whatever you can to help them.
As soon as you part ways with that money, it’s safe to say you’ll never see it again.
What strikes me about that is how manipulating the whole approach by them was. They’ve seen you as the one to fix their latest problem, with no intention of making it up to you.
2 I know they can be convincing…
The way a narcissist works their pretend poverty is really quite Oscar-worthy.
I wouldn’t come to you if I really didn’t need to. I know I can trust you. I know I can rely on you. You are just such a good person, with a kind heart.
When all these little sickly sweet phrases have been dropped, of course you will feel special, which is all you really want to feel.
Being put in that place makes you feel readily available for anybody and anything, including helping out the narcissist.
Even though they have a track record of letting you down and hurting you, you step aside from that mess to be their savior.
But are you?
Or are you their doormat?
3 Now you want it back, and they are avoiding it
You spoke up, so first of all, good for you. The money you loaned out was yours all along, and as usual, like a true narcissist, the one you gave your cash to is making it difficult.
More than difficult, in fact.
And how does that make you feel? If I write the words guilty and apologetic, would I be batting somewhere close?
I’d say so, for sure.
Their avoidance comes from their entitlement. They never saw it as a loan all along, because for people like them, they want what they want, and everybody else has to run around after them.
You might even hear them mutter, “How dare you ask for me to give you any money.”
Baffled by your crass request, they won’t feel as though they owe you a dime, but we both know that’s not true, and we learn the hard way.
So, let’s look at what narcissists say to avoid paying you back.
4 “Yeah, yeah. I’ll get it to you.”
Dismiss, dismiss, dismiss. And you know the worst part? The narcissist actually thinks you’ll buy this.
Their hope is that you will leave them alone and quit bugging them for the money, so they will continue to fob you off, and tell you that it’s coming.
You begin to quickly learn that it’s not coming, but in asking, you’re telling the narcissist that you haven’t forgotten.
That only sets to annoy them even more, because you’re rendering them unable to get away with taking your money without the inclination of paying it back.
This dismissive approach to your concerns is full of disrespect, but I’d expect nothing less from a narcissist.
You only mattered when you had something they wanted from you. Once they get it, it’s business as usual. In fact, you’re the annoyance for wanting it back, even though it’s yours!
5 “What money?”
Taking it one step further, narcissists are even known to deny borrowing from you in the first place.
They don’t know what you’re talking about, and with this, they force you to explain the money they borrowed, when, and how much.
Their aim? To make you feel uncomfortable, because they don’t want to have that feeling, which is what your questioning of where the money is does to them.
Nope. A big no, in fact. In the eyes of the narcissist, you can have that discomfort back tenfold.
It’s a case of fortune favoring the brave here, because if you stick to your guns and demand the money back, you will corner the narcissist.
If you hold your hands up in surrender and say that it’s okay, that’s it. Your money will never return.
6 “Haven’t I already paid it back in other ways?”
I got that takeout the other night. I bought us that new couch. I got some groceries last Saturday. Can’t we just call it even?
No! That’s not how it works. This is a pathetic excuse, and doesn’t cover the fact that you loaned money out, and they haven’t been decent enough to return it.
There’s no item or food shop that will make it better, and that wasn’t the deal in the first instance.
Wanting back what is rightfully yours shouldn’t come with changing terms and conditions that you didn’t initially agree to, but the narcissist will try to push all your buttons and get you to agree with them as much as possible.
7 “I thought your money was my money seeing as we are a couple.”
Another big mistake to allow – while you may be a couple and have joint responsibilities such as bills, if your money ends up in the hands of the narcissist, then with all due respect, it’s a loan, and it should be paid back.
Making that crystal clear is how you retain your boundaries, and eventually get your money back.
The narcissist will try this trick, and will hope that you see some kind of sense and allow them to keep the money you loaned, but let me be clear.
If the shoe were on the other foot and you borrowed money, they wouldn’t be saying that their money is your money.
8 When you’ve heard it all before
All the excuses the narcissist makes have got to start sounding samey eventually, right?
You start to learn to predict which ones they will come up with next, assuming that you will just bow down and let them get away with taking what was yours and not returning it.
If you’re out of pocket, the narcissist won’t care, it’s not in their character to show any kind of conscience. My advice would be:
Don’t even contemplate loaning it out in the first place.
