Narcissists would love to be able to reach over to your phone, pick it up and see exactly what’s going on in your world.
Anf for you, it’s likely to be the same old stuff, right?
Fun yet innocent messages to friends.
A meme here and there.
Boring emails that you can’t delete fast enough.
Reels and reels of meal plans.
What exactly are they wanting to find? And what sneaky way can they gain access?
Just One Sneaky Way?…
If your phone does not have access that they can easily get through, then yes. It all comes down to one solid way…
…The innocent way.
That’s right. Narcissists will rarely be upfront and abusive about wanting to have access to your phone, but that’s not to say they can’t demand it aggressively.
This does happen, but they’re more likely by far to want to get that access the innocent way.
I want you to think about the narcissist in your life, and how they go about getting what they want.
Think about the people they know, and how much of a good person they want to aim to come across as.
With all that in mind, is it any surprise that they aren’t going to start waving and screaming at you, or them?
Absolutely not.
So they try the next approach: acting like they don’t know what toxic or sneaky is.
Which makes it so much worse!
So let’s put ourselves in the place of a narcissist for a moment.
#1 “I Need Your Phone for Something”
The most innocent of them all, isn’t it? They need your phone to make a call, or to play a game they know you have on yours.
It may even be that they want to look something up, and conveniently, they don’t have theirs to be able to do that.
Seems like no big deal, right? It would be, if they didn’t have a sly, sneaky alternate motive under their cloak of abuse.
They want information, and they want to use that against you. They hope they dig up something really juicy that you are keeping from them.
They want to control you.
#2 “Emergency!”
My battery is dead, can I send a quick text or make a call?
It’s really important.
I won’t be long.
I really need to send this, or do this.
And you, the kind-hearted, forgiving person that you are – you’ll do it.
But here’s the catch – there’s no emergency. They aren’t in need of anything but your phone in their hand.
#3 “Mind if I Shoulder Surf?”
You think you’re both sitting down to watch the latest episode of your favorite show together, and you notice your narcissist snuggling in.
Ooh, this feels new, you think. It’s nice to feel close and cozy.
Beep, beep! That’s the sound of my red flag alarm.
They’re not getting cozy! They’ve simply noticed you’re on your phone, and they’re wanting to pretend they’re watching the show while instead diverting their eyes to your screen.
What are they trying to see? They want to know what your passcode is, or how you get past your security on it.
If they can memorize a pin, they will get that phone the next time you’re complacent.
#4 “Dose of Guilt?”
Come on, don’t you trust me?
How long have you known me?
Just because I know your code doesn’t mean I’m going to be nosey.
You don’t need to hear any of this guilt talk. They’re doing it so you reluctantly hand it over and give them what they want.
You don’t want to be the bad guy, right? You just want to have a life of peace and please people. If having your code brings that peace, then that makes you happy.
Except it shouldn’t. Especially when it comes to making you feel guilty. There’s no place for that, in my opinion.
#5 “If You Can, So Can I”
For the narcissist, it works both ways. They can be purposely kind enough to lend you their phone when you need it, so don’t be surprised if they ask you for the same privileges.
It’s possible that mirroring actually extends to this kind of manipulation, and indeed it will if it gives them permission to take what’s yours and use it…
…For all the wrong reasons.
Mirroring is how a narcissist pretends to be just like you, so that you know their intentions are pure and true – just like you.
Giving their game away being anything other than a mirrored authentic version of you will mean they lose out on gaining your trust, and gaining access.
Doing The Unthinkable Once They Get Access
I can’t let this part slip by without mentioning it.
At some point if they try hard enough and you allow it, the narcissist will gain access.
I hate to say it, but this could lead to all kinds of problems for you.
It’s possible that they could install spyware on your phone, change your settings to make it easier for them to gain future access, or access your most private messages or information.
I don’t want you to get caught up in their dark and twisted tactics, but I do want you to understand the consequences of allowing them to overstep your privacy.
Knowing Your Boundaries
This is what it all boils down to:
Boundaries.
Without them, the narcissist will have far more than just access to your phone. They will have access to your entire life, everything you do, think, say and feel.
It doesn’t stop with the phone, but that’s where it often begins. Giving up your privacy just so they can spy on you is giving them permission to control you in another way.
Ask yourself if this is the kind of life you want, or indeed hoped for.
Victims always say no, and that they want to find somebody who makes them feel happy, safe and loved.
But that’s never the description of a narcissist, is it? The description of a narcissist is always the complete opposite, but because they’re so sneaky, you won’t notice them trying to figure out how your phone operates.
Passwords, ponds, codes, even face recognition – there’s not much they won’t do to find out how to cross that line, and like any line – you need to be able to see it.
Boundaries are lines. And as long as yours are strong, you can keep them away and keep your phone as sacred as it always was.
