Listen, you can shine a light on these people as long as you want to; they’re never going to answer any of these yes or no questions.
And guess what? You suffer. You think to yourself, why? Why am I trying so hard to get to the bottom of this, when you’re just pushing me away and putting up your guard?
Narcissists don’t want to be responsible or accountable, so it’s tough on you.
All I can say is, you might as well talk to a wall if you’re going to fire out these 11 questions.
#1 “Did you lie?”
Well, did they? I think if you need to ask the question in the first place, you already know the answer.
Sadly, the answer as a confirmation isn’t going to reach you because they will refuse to hand it over.
What situation are you giving them? You’re either asking them to admit that they lied, which if I can be straight with you, makes me laugh.
Holding their hands up and being responsible for dishonesty opens doors, people.
It opens messy doors that lead to other lies and opportunities for them to be in the wrong.
Or…
If they say no, they didn’t lie when they did, then by default, they’re lying anyway!
You can ask them ,for sure. But if the answer isn’t what you want it to be, then you’re going to have to make your own mind up about it.
#2 “Are you cheating?”
Like a politician, the narcissist will sidestep what you’re asking. They will do it with a smile, maybe even a surprised frown.
Are you suggesting I’m seeing somebody else?
I cannot believe you’d think that of me.
So you’re questioning my faithfulness?
Well. I am shocked.
You must really hate me.
Oh, they will spew any old line your way, casting it like it’s the biggest fishing line in the world. And you’ll probably take the bait and defend yourself.
No, I didn’t mean it like that.
Of course not.
You know I love you.
I know you care.
You’ll run circles around them just to please them, but in a nutshell, you won’t get the answer you’re looking for.
A yes or no will never come, because they don’t want the truth to come out.
#3 “Will you apologize?”
Dear narcissist,
You did something really terrible, and it hurt my feelings. The pain you caused has led me to ask you if you will apologize to me. Will you?
Love, me.
You wait. And wait. And wait.
Nothing.
Let me see what’s going on here, so I can help make it clearer for you.
There’s nothing they will say to you that will come close to an apology.
Rather than tell you no and look like the overt asshole that they are, they will just refuse to answer your question at all.
It’s not ideal for you, the person who is trying hard to keep their values and morals aligned with the world and what you think of it.
You appreciate honesty and the knowledge that somebody cares about you enough to say sorry when you’re upset, but nothing.
So there you are again. You’re disappointed, and you should be. But that disappointment only leads to further disappointment along the road, for you at least.
#4 “Can you please respect my boundaries?”
If you get a yes, they have to stick to it, if you get a no, they’re going to know that you know they openly and directly disrespect you.
They’d sooner laugh at your question and treat you like you’re going crazy for even needing to ask it in the first place.
And as you’re asking so politely, they will really love the way you are trying to continue to be nice even though you’re evidently bothered that boundaries aren’t being adhered to.
It’s a joke, I know.
#5 “Will you go to see a therapist?”
Wait, you want the narcissist to see a therapist? You’re going to have a problem here.
Yes would mean they are admitting there’s a problem that is beyond their remit to fix. A therapist would delve deep into issues and probably cause a lot of wounds to open.
No would mean they hear and see your need for them to get help and their refusal of it would highlight that there’s something to even refuse.
So they will instead look at you with a raised brow and say, “Are you joking? Who have you been talking to?” The paranoia will be real.
#6 “Did you take that money?”
Uh-oh. Are we in for an admission of guilt here? Should we sit down and wait for the court to start its session?
No, I wouldn’t bother. Send the jury home, because there will be no charges in the first place.
The narcissist won’t ever admit to taking money, imagine if they did!
Oh yeah, I stole.
Reputation down the drain in seconds, not in a million years!
Or, they will turn blue in the face telling you they didn’t. Why should they beg for you to believe them? Sometimes you can protest too much, right?
#7 “Will you sign here?”
Wait, before I sign, what am I actually signing?
If you have met a narcissist, you’ll immediately know how paranoid they are. They aren’t just going to sign any old thing! They want to know, and you need to tell them.
Otherwise, you can forget them agreeing to anything.
But… They don’t want to come across like they’re as paranoid as they are because that comes with a guilty conscience they aren’t willing to explain.
So… watch this space.
#8 “Are you happy being with me?”
Happy? What is this happiness that you speak of? And that’s really the nail on the head, isn’t it? Narcissists can’t be authentically happy, they never could and they never will.
So, how on earth do you expect them to answer that?
Um, suuure?
Why are you asking me if I’m happy?
See how they can throw it back at you, full of suspicion? Yeah, that’s common. And I’m sure you know what that’s like.
#9 “Did you say that?”
Say what?
Deny, deny!
But wait, don’t deny too quickly, because it’ll be laced with too much protesting.
So they go in gently, without a yes or a no. Maye they side step or make an excuse like they can’t talk right now, or they don’t feel well (suddenly).
You’re asking the question because all signs point to yes, the narcissist said it. If that’s the case, you don’t need them to confirm it to you.
#10 “Do you really love me?”
What is this, some kind of test? I don’t need to reaffirm how I feel about you! You’re so needy! Why do you always do this right before I’m about to leave for work?
Yeah, it’ll be your fault if you ask them this. But even worse… they don’t want to say yes and get all emotionally detached like you want.
And they cant say no even though that’s the truth because then you’ll know for certain that they’re playing games.
So instead – they make you feel bad for even raising it as a question. Be quiet.
