Boo-hoo for the narcissist. You left them. Does anybody want to pass them a tissue as they cry for the 29th time today?
Before you assume they’re crying because they miss you, I want to correct you.
They don’t miss you, they miss what you do for them.
Without you, they’re alone. That is the mother of all nightmares for them. The secret is, there are many reasons why they can’t recover from you walking out on them, and that’s where we land today.
#1 You decide: enough is enough
What a day it is to finally wake up and decide that you aren’t going to take any more of the narcissist’s crap.
For as long as you can remember, you’ve danced to their toxic tune, and they’ve left you feeling like you are staring at a stranger when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.
One day, you just know that you can’t do it a day more. It’s time to live, and to do that, you must push away anything that makes you feel like you aren’t living. Not in the way you want, anyway.
For all the narcissist has put you through, you are now taking your own life by the reins and moving in a direction you choose, not a direction you’re forced to walk in.
#2 Leaving: the narcissist’s last assumption
It’s the very last thing the narcissist was expecting from you.
They had the ego and assumption that you would always stick around, and that was what they had grown used to over the time they’ve been with you.
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You’ve tolerated abuse after abuse, and have been picked apart by them in ways that have made you feel like you’re in literal pieces all over the floor.
You have had your arms wide open to them, and they’ve let you down, crushed your spirit, and made you think that love comes with a low, hurtful standard.
But they convinced you to stay, telling you that nobody will ever love you, and that you wouldn’t last five minutes on your own or without them.
They isolated you, creating drama so rough and upsetting that you’ve lost touch with all the people who once meant the world to you.
But through all of that and much more, you decided to leave.
#3 Never recovering from this!
Now it’s time to watch as the narcissist starts to crumble the moment you tell them you’re leaving. No sooner do you open your mouth, the narcissist’s world implodes.
You were their biggest source of supply. You were their sounding board, maybe even their punchbag.
You listened to them complain every day, and you had no choice but to be the one they use the most.
Your loyalty was put to the test, and even though they lied and cheated through the entire time you were together, they are mortified that you’ve decided to walk away from it.
Their ego cannot cope, and their worst fear of being abandoned comes true in real time.
This is something the narcissist will never be able to recover from.
#4 Having to fend for themselves
The first part of their non-recovery starts with the fact that they’ve got nobody to command things from.
Dinner.
Clean clothes.
Loyalty.
Company.
Somebody to yell at.
Bill being paid.
Intimacy.
Whatever it is – and maybe it’s all of it – you are taking it away from them in the blink of an eye.
#5 Not having you as a source of supply
When you are no longer a source of supply to the narcissist, they will feel panicky, paranoid and lost.
The status quo has been heavily nudged, and not for the better. They internally scream as you walk away, because they know what they’re losing…
…And don’t think, “Wow, they care that they’ve lost me.” They don’t. They care that they’ve suddenly got nobody to use and abuse.
They care that they have lost the one person they can yell at, criticize, and control.
Who do they manipulate now? Where can they turn to? This was unexpected, and now they have to fend for themselves and try to find a new victim as soon as possible.
This wasn’t part of their plan, and they struggle to recover from sudden, sharp changes like this.
#6 The ego slaughter
It goes without saying that when you leave, you dent the narcissist’s ego like nothing else. I’m not talking a little mark, I am talking catastrophic, unfixable damage.
Their ego is the one part of their character that is the most fragile, and it really doesn’t take much to alter the balance of it.
If you leave, you’re sending them the strong message that they are replaceable.
You’re saying, “I can live without you, and I have had enough of being around you. I don’t want this any more.”
Nothing hits them harder than this reality, and it strikes up all the fear and insecurity inside them that they try so hard to bury and keep hidden.
#7 Reputation recovery
Does it ever really fully roll around to recovery, or is it patched over as best as it can be?
Narcissists think the latter, but that won’t stop them from trying to recover their reputation as you leave.
People will ask questions, and look to the narcissist for answers.
What happened?
Why so sudden?
Who caused the split?
It’s an immediate threat to the narcissist, who works hard to look like an innocent person at all times.
If you leave, you are throwing their character into the air and left to interrupt however people see fit.
It’s work for the narcissist. They have to fix a lot of gossip or concerns out in their communities and circle of friendships, and that can often put them in a very uncomfortable place.
#8 Abandonment: the big one!
Touched on briefly, abandonment to a narcissist is their biggest trigger to spiral.
I know it may not seem like it, but they love to be needed and wanted. They keep people around them for reasons that only suit them, and the second you leave, you take away everything you gave them.
More than that, narcissists have their biggest fears made come true when you walk away because you are leaving them.
You are deciding that you no longer want this, and it brings to life all their fears.
No narcissist really gets over that, no matter how much time you try to give them.
#9 Not your problem
I know you’ve heard it before, but I really want you to pay attention to what I say next.
How the narcissist behaves when you leave isn’t your problem.
Whether it’s you leaving them, or some other poor, unsuspecting victim, they are going to behave in the same way.
The best thing to do is understand that this is a problem with people who suffer with a personality disorder, and not those at the hands of them.
Leaving the narcissist is the only way you are going to stand a chance of healing, and if you don’t, you may never figure out who you really are.
So…
…Leave!
