It’s like narcissists were handed instructions the moment they were born.
Please make sure you do this one thing for the rest of your life. No ifs, no buts, no maybes.
Fantastic! No problem, they say.
So they grow, they learn to read and write. They get older and get jobs and meet people.
And yes, they do as they’re told.
This one thing is their main life’s objective.
Do you know what it is? I’ll give you a clue. It’s the very reason they make you so miserable.
Everything Boils Down To One Thing
Think about all the ways the narcissist treats you. From the mildly nice, to the largely and much more frequent terrible.
Have you ever tried to piece that puzzle together and find out exactly why it’s like this? What does it all mean? Why do they seem so determined to make you miserable?
Well, there’s a reason.
And that reason acts like a tree that branches into everything else.
Narcissists hate themselves.
But Why?
Well, in short, what’s to like?!
Narcissists know they aren’t likable. That’s why they spend so much time and effort trying to convince everybody else that they are.
Hiding imperfections goes with the territory, and narcissists learn to do that effectively so that people don’t figure them out.
They’re so insecure that they don’t understand that it’s okay to not be perfect – I mean, who is?
Think of it like acting. You get somebody with such low self-esteem that they can’t even muster the idea to see any good in who they are.
Instead of working on that (because working on it would be an admittance), they project it.
Onto you.
Onto everybody else.
The attention-seeking behavior they engage in makes them feel better and makes them forget how much they dislike themselves.
The self-hatred is real, guys.
It was never you with the problem.
But they make it so – thus making you extremely miserable.
What Hating Themselves Does To You
1. “I Feel Worthless”
Imagine being hated by somebody whom you love. What must that do to a person over time, especially when that hate is sent out in so many different ways.
From the way the narcissist despises to the way they invoke such disdain over every little move they make – it all adds up.
And it adds up quickly.
The reason the narcissist hates you is because they can’t openly hate themselves. That doesn’t mean they don’t though. It still exists. That loathing of who they are, and all the insecurity that cushions it.
So who bears the brunt of it all? Who is attacked by all that negative energy daily?
You.
Eventually, yes, it will start to wear you down and make you feel completely worthless.
2. “I Don’t Know Myself”
Narcissists hatred for themselves will make you unable to recognize who you even are.
Now, a lot has to happen to get to this point, and, as with point 1, you bear the brunt.
When you have lost all faith in love, trust, honesty, and happiness, the joy will leave your body. The joy and inclination to continue with hobbies or keep up to date with friends. It’ll all go.
And what will you be left with?
You’ll be left with nothing. You won’t know yourself, what to think, or how to be. Your identity will have been wiped from you, and the root of the problem is how much the narcissist hates.
You see, their self-loathing really is just the tip of the iceberg.
3. “What More Can I Do?”
It’s natural for all victims of narcissistic abuse to feel like they never do enough for their toxic partner.
You want to make sure they’re happy, right? Because they come home and probably 25% of the time they are in an ‘okay’ mood. The rest is either silence, anger, or pure negative moaning and grumbling.
So you feel it’s your job to make everything perfect. You pick their favorite dinner, a movie, or maybe even a nice, relaxing bath for them. You compliment them and try to keep upbeat.
You’re living to keep the lion within them from roaring.
And so you ask yourself – What more can I do?
The reason the narcissist is the way they are isn’t because of anything you’re doing wrong.
It’s because they can’t stand themselves.
4. “Why is Nothing Good Enough For You?”
It’s a question asked by all victims of narcissistic abuse.
And you’d be right to ask it, but not from the perspective of you not being good enough, but more—literally, why are you never satisfied?!
Narcissists don’t want to be satisfied. That would mean nobody needs to do any work or give them any more supply.
It would mean peace, calm, and contentment.
These don’t exist in the world of a narcissist.
So, in their eyes, nothing you do is good enough to keep the toxic tornado spinning.
Hating themselves means everybody else must feel miserable too, right?
5. “Where is Everybody?”
Everybody left.
Or at least – everybody distanced themselves or was made to be distanced.
What comes with mass walkouts of people you love or care about?
You become miserable!
Narcissists tend to lend themselves to pushing away victim’s ‘people’ to maintain dominance. Having that control and say means they can say things like, “You can rely on me. You don’t need anybody else.”
Losing the enrichment of socialization is enough to make anybody miserable.
6. “Where is my Passion?”
Narcissists hate you for having passion.
Goals.
Hobbies.
Interests.
Skills.
Purpose.
They will all be wiped away, and you’ll be miserable.
Retreating into the hollow shell of the person you used to be will undoubtedly make them happy. But how could anybody want this for another?
Easy…
…They hate themselves that much.
7. “If I Could Just Get You To See…”
No, no!
You can’t get a narcissist to see anything.
It is ingrained in them already how much they despise themselves, so you’d be wasting your time trying!
Narcissists can’t be changed. They refuse to be what you want them to be because it involves being too vulnerable.
They hate themselves too much to see potential value in their character.
8. “What Does My Future Hold?”
Is it more of this?
More hate being projected onto you?
More sadness?
More pain?
More misery?
Yes. To all of that. You can ask yourself all of these questions and hope the answers will be different – but the hate narcissists feel for themselves will eat away at you and become your problem very quickly.
